earth's greatest heroes (no) i swear this log is way more serious than it sounds

[goodsoldier]

Yes, why don't I get into a bar fight with Wolverine and Schrödinger's Batman on my side? That sounds great. Who knew it would end with Wolverine jumping into a fucking ravine with a psychotic lizardman clinging to his legs, and Not Batman At All and me leaping off a sheer cliff at an almost certainly fatal height to escape corrupt flying police into a sea full of screaming eels?

To be fair, I'm okay with most of that. That's more or less a day in the life. But I've technically been aware of if not actually known That Guy for literally months, months which I spent denying the possibility he was Batman, and he's Batman. Why would you fucking do that? What could you possibly get out of — you know what, fuck it. I don't know and neither do you.

We're not having a slap fight. I think my arm's fractured, so he'd win.

Comments

[flyingg]

Sounds like a long day.

[goodsoldier]

Yes. Yes, it is.

[He's so comically bleak about it he can't even be a jerk to Dick right now. That's how frustrating this is.]

[flyingg]

*surprised? Yep. Can he. Do the hand on Jason's shoulder in that case?*

Going up against Wolverine might be a not very good call, though I'm sure you can stay on top of that.

What's with the Batman?

[notlikeanyone]

... Screaming eels.

[goodsoldier]

You've seen the Princess Bride. I know you have.

Bruce just sliced its head open and eel brains probably went up my nose and in my clothes. I'm going to burn everything to the ground.

[SO MAD HE CAN'T EVEN BE A JERK TO TIM EITHER. ALERT THE PRESS, RECORD THIS MOMENT.]

[notlikeanyone]

[WHAT HE WAS EXPECTING JERKINESS, HE'S UNSURE WHAT IS GOING ON HERE.]

Yeah, I have, I just wasn't sure that was a deliberate reference.

And that's - eugh, that's gross. [SAID... SYMPATHETICALLY? They've all had really gross things gooped all over their clothes, okay, he's been there.]

[goodsoldier]

[EEL BRAINS HAVE NEUTRALIZED HIS NATURAL ANTIPATHY or, okay, no it hasn't, but it is taking up all his attention. None can be spared for Tim, who has never gone up his nose.]

It tasted like death. It may have gotten in my eyes. I am so over this place.

[notlikeanyone]

[... No he has not. He has also never cornered anyone in the toilets.]

Eww. At least you can wash it off in the ocean? ... No, wait, in that place that might be worse, don't do that.

hi fartface guess who ps yes it's your mother

[hollowman]

How hard could it possibly be for you of all people to recognize "Batman?"

While your wits and priorities may be less than adequate, I seem to remember you being a bit more savvy when it came to the identities of washed up socialites who have a bad habit of triggering my gag reflex.

HI MOM-WHO-LOOKS-LIKE-DAD-NOW SRY DID NOT SEND MOTHER OR FATHER'S DAY CARD

[goodsoldier]

You've got one of those? Then again, I guess the angle must be different when you're used to sucking your own dick 24/7.

acualy is dolan so its k

[hollowman]

[ that there was an ice cold zinger. ]

What a creative imagination you have. Though I would peg it more as delusional. Like father, like son.

I liked you better as self-loathing corpse.

dolan day is every day

[goodsoldier]

[It's just facts, Hush. Worst roommate ever.]

Well, okay, I'll get right back to that. Because your opinion matters a lot to me, you know. That's why we've talked so often since that one time with your really amazing plan. Talia thought you probably had late stage syphilis, hence the whole bandages thing, but now of course we know you were just a ginger.

jsnan pls

[hollowman]

[ Your incompetent nonsrsbsnsness makes his face turn into a sensitive tomato. Not that you can see. ]

Ah, yes. Your efforts at covering up your insecurities are glowing. Speaking of diseased wretches: tell me, as a child, how did it feel growing up scraped off the street like crusted gutter scum?

We all know the beating you took seemed to suit your value. A fittingly justified slaughter.

[goodsoldier]

[Why don't you take off those bandages so Jason can touch your face and set fire to the rain.]

It felt awful, doctor. I'm very sad all the time on the inside, where only you can see because you're much smarter than everyone else.

I never really got the full details on whatever was going on with you, so can you tell me, in your professional medical opinion as a cardio-thoracic/brain/plastic surgeon, if your balls will ever come out of your body from where Selina kicked them? I mean, are they in your chest cavity or did she manage to jam her foot all the way up your rectum and into the base of your brain...?

[hollowman]

[ omg that's so rude check your privilege jason ]

Aristotle once said, that the young are permanently in a state resembling intoxication. Our conversation right now is beyond applicable.

As grating as your taunting is, it comes off as nothing more than childish stupidity. Or maybe that's just how you were raised. A brainless slave to Bruce Wayne's selfish motives. I sympathize.

Also your obsession and tedious references with what's between my legs is very telling.

[goodsoldier]

[face privilege :)]

I think he also said men have more teeth than women. But I'm not discounting his importance because the one thing I don't want to do is have an extended conversation with you about philosophy. It ranks below things like "consume human flesh" and "become a male model." Look, can't you just pretend I'm really upset by you and your weird fixation on Bruce and your extensive knowledge of my life? You're good at those kinds of rampant delusions of grandeur. You practically have a PhD.

keywords

[hollowman]

Your mistake was mildly opening up your connection to Bruce Wayne. And I'm forever in your dept for that much. Though my fixation with Bruce Wayne will always always come first. Though apparently, that's something we both have in common.

o tommy ;'(

[goodsoldier]

Yes, this mistake has certainly come back to haunt me oh wait I don't give a fuck how much grief you give him. The face thing is creepy, yeah, but believe me, if I had a problem with you heavy breathing all over his life, you'd know. Though honestly, Selina is a lot meaner than I am.