Mann vs Machine, just like everyone else

[not_onyourside]

Why am I zhe only one who zhinks we are all going to be crushed by zhe robots, and die horribly? On my list of ways to die before retirement, being ripped apart by robots was very, very far down zhe list.

You see Mundane, zhis ees how zhe battle will go:

Scout: Runs face first eento a robot and ees eaten.
Soldier: Rocket blasts his own feet off, bleeds to deazh.
Demo: Drunkenly tries to place a bomb, only to be stepped on.
Heavy: Charges eento zhe midst of zhem and dies wezzen seconds.
Medic: Was healing Heavy and ees now also dead.

And zhen eet ees me, Sniper and zhe laborer against a hundred robots.



We are going to die.

Comments

[cowardkillingmachine]

[Hey, remember him?]

Baby Spy is coward! Don't worry, BLUs will destroy all metal toys, then we can kill REDs again.

[not_onyourside]

Non. I am practical. Fighting a mindless machine ees not zhe same as fighting a person.

[square_cubelaw]

Well, you're not going to beat them with that attitude.

[not_onyourside]

Eef you are offering advice, I am listening.

[square_cubelaw]

Bullets tend to not do much when you're made of solid metal. Stick with other forms of arsenal.

I'd also say use high powered electro-magnets, just to be sure.

[not_onyourside]

Magnets? So we will be fighting a wall of fridges. I shall make sure to attach my grocery list before I am gunned down.

I am not saying eet ees not possible, just zhat eet seems like we are far outmatched. Especially when my specialty ees knives.

[square_cubelaw]

I say magnets and the first thought in your head are the little ones you can buy at stores? Maybe you guys should just bow down and welcome your new robot overlords, instead. It'll hurt less.

Or take up a new specialty.

I adore you. XD

[not_onyourside]

What about EMP's? Zhat I can do.

And where am I to get giant magnets?

^.^!!!

[square_cubelaw]

EMPs are Electro Magnetic Pulses, so you got the right idea now.

Find a power station and a lot of conducting metals. All you have to do is get the right charge going and it should do the trick.

Or, detonate a nuclear bomb, but that's probably less survivable.

[not_onyourside]

I know someone on my team who would be more zhan happy to detonate a nuclear bomb amidst a swarm of robots. Let us keep zhat idea far from him.

Unfortunately I do not zhink I can sap zhem all. Just a few at a time.

[square_cubelaw]

How many are you talking about?

[not_onyourside]

A couple zhousand. At least.

[square_cubelaw]

Oh.

Then I suggest convincing your friends to learn your technique or hope they can hold them back.

[not_onyourside]

You see why I am concerned zhen.

And -- dare I eenquire as to what you happen to be? And why you are offering any sort of assistance?

[square_cubelaw]

I fight robots for a living too, sometimes, so I feel like sharing.

I'm Atomic Robo, uh, think robot but without all that "programmed to be evil" stuff.

[not_onyourside]

I am zhe RED Spy.

So zhe robots are an ongoing zhreat zhen? I was hoping for just a simple wave of zhem and zhen never having to zhink about eet ever again.

[square_cubelaw]

Maybe. You can probably stop those robots by taking out whoever makes them.

[not_onyourside]

Zhat ... ees actually a very good idea. I will have to look eento zhat. Eef eet keeps me from being stomped to deazh I will try just about anyzzing.

[square_cubelaw]

See, shady guys in bank robber masks do have a purpose in life.

[not_onyourside]

Hmm. I will grant you 'shady' but I am not a bank robber.

And you? What do you do ozzer zhan hunt robots.

[square_cubelaw]

Hunt monsters, fight against government organizations, fight against secret societies, invent things, hold patents to dangerous things so others can't make them, you know, the typical stuff.

[not_onyourside]

Oui. Typical.

Secret societies? Oh now I am intrigued. Do go on.

[square_cubelaw]

The usual. Steal dangerous stuff, plan to make money, greedy, probably have ninjas.

[not_onyourside]

Zhat sounds like somezzing I would not mind joining myself. Wez zhe exception of ninjas.

[square_cubelaw]

Always better to be ready for that sort of thing.

[not_onyourside]

And how does one prepare for ninjas? Eet seems highly unlikely zhat zhere will be a sudden ninja attack.

[square_cubelaw]

See, assuming something isn't going to happen is your first mistake.

You prepare for ninjas by never sleeping and never turning your back on anyone.

[not_onyourside]

Oh good, I am most of zhe way zhere already. Apparently I am more prepared for zhese secret societies zhan I zhought.

[square_cubelaw]

It doesn't take much, just better weapons and a lot of paranoia.

Also, pretend like you know what their secret handshake is. Most of the mooks forget it anyways and will buy anything.

[not_onyourside]

I will keep zhat een mind, zhank you.

Zhe fact zhey even have secret handshakes ees so quaint.

[square_cubelaw]

I know, why do you even bother with secrets when you hire mooks?

[not_onyourside]

Eet would make far more sense to just have zhem punch each ozzer een zhe face to prove zheir loyalty. And zhey would probably enjoy zhat.

[square_cubelaw]

I wouldn't doubt that there's someone out there doing that.

[not_onyourside]

Most likely. For as much as people glamourize zhe criminal underground, eet ees mostly common zhugs stomping around.