Gamzee Makara ♑ Esperstuck (
whereyourheartsupat) wrote in
dear_mun2012-07-30 09:03 pm
Entry tags:
Considering doing a retcon and giving Jarjammed another shot
HeY, mUn.
I KnOw yOu'rE AlL FeElInG IlL As aLl fUcK Up iN YoUr cEnTeR ThErE, aNd yOu cAn't rEaLlY Be hElPiNg tHaT, jUsT GoTtA Be fLoWiNg wItH ThE WoRlD WhErEvEr iT'S AlL TaKiNg yOu, BuT ArE YoU SuRe yOu wAnT To bE Up aNd tUrNiNg mY WhOlE MoThErFuCkInG HiStOrY AnD ShIt oN It's hEaD? eSpEcIaLlY WhEn yOu aIn't aLl bEiNg sUrE At wHaT YoU WaNt tO Be uP AnD DoInG WiTh mE In tHe fIrSt pLaCe? I CaN GeT DoWn wItH HaViNg sOmE NeW MiRaClEs aLl pReSeNtEd bEfOrE Me, BuT I JuSt aIn't sUrE AbOuT LoSiNg mY OlD SeLf iN ExChAnGe. ThAt sHiT'S AlL At bEiNg pArT Of wHo i aM, yOu dIg? EvEn tHe bAd sTuFf iS PaRt oF WhAt gEtS To bE MaKiNg mE My oWn sElF, aNd i dOn't rEaLlY WaNt tO GiVe uP On tHe gOoD YeT EiThEr.
BuT If yOu'rE ReAlLy sUrE AbOuT KiCkInG ThIs rEdO NoIsE, i gUeSs i cOuLd tRy tO GeT DoWn wItH It tOo. JuSt gOt tO ReMeMbEr tHaT MeAnS We'vE GoT To sTaRt fReSh. HaVe tO FiNd sOmE WaY To gEt a bItChInG NeW BeGiNnInG On, YoU AnD Me, Me aNd mOtHeRfUcKiNg yOu. We gEt tHaT AlL GoInG FoR TrUe, ThAt sHiT'S GoInG To bE A MiRaClE In iTsElF, eVeN If wE Do eNd uP MaKiNg a mOtHeRfUcKiNg fOoL Of oUr oWn sElVeS TwIcE. sOmEtImEs sHiT JuSt dOn't pAn oUt aNd tHaT'S CoOl tOo. JuSt gOtTa oPeN YoUr eYeS To tHe mIrAcLeS ArOuNd yOu aNd sEe wHaT NeW DiReCtIoNs yOu sHoUlD Be hEaDiNg iN.
:o)
I KnOw yOu'rE AlL FeElInG IlL As aLl fUcK Up iN YoUr cEnTeR ThErE, aNd yOu cAn't rEaLlY Be hElPiNg tHaT, jUsT GoTtA Be fLoWiNg wItH ThE WoRlD WhErEvEr iT'S AlL TaKiNg yOu, BuT ArE YoU SuRe yOu wAnT To bE Up aNd tUrNiNg mY WhOlE MoThErFuCkInG HiStOrY AnD ShIt oN It's hEaD? eSpEcIaLlY WhEn yOu aIn't aLl bEiNg sUrE At wHaT YoU WaNt tO Be uP AnD DoInG WiTh mE In tHe fIrSt pLaCe? I CaN GeT DoWn wItH HaViNg sOmE NeW MiRaClEs aLl pReSeNtEd bEfOrE Me, BuT I JuSt aIn't sUrE AbOuT LoSiNg mY OlD SeLf iN ExChAnGe. ThAt sHiT'S AlL At bEiNg pArT Of wHo i aM, yOu dIg? EvEn tHe bAd sTuFf iS PaRt oF WhAt gEtS To bE MaKiNg mE My oWn sElF, aNd i dOn't rEaLlY WaNt tO GiVe uP On tHe gOoD YeT EiThEr.
BuT If yOu'rE ReAlLy sUrE AbOuT KiCkInG ThIs rEdO NoIsE, i gUeSs i cOuLd tRy tO GeT DoWn wItH It tOo. JuSt gOt tO ReMeMbEr tHaT MeAnS We'vE GoT To sTaRt fReSh. HaVe tO FiNd sOmE WaY To gEt a bItChInG NeW BeGiNnInG On, YoU AnD Me, Me aNd mOtHeRfUcKiNg yOu. We gEt tHaT AlL GoInG FoR TrUe, ThAt sHiT'S GoInG To bE A MiRaClE In iTsElF, eVeN If wE Do eNd uP MaKiNg a mOtHeRfUcKiNg fOoL Of oUr oWn sElVeS TwIcE. sOmEtImEs sHiT JuSt dOn't pAn oUt aNd tHaT'S CoOl tOo. JuSt gOtTa oPeN YoUr eYeS To tHe mIrAcLeS ArOuNd yOu aNd sEe wHaT NeW DiReCtIoNs yOu sHoUlD Be hEaDiNg iN.
:o)

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He prays a little that his powers don't go off on him now. They've been dormant this far so he sees no reason to back out of this yet. Because man, who the fuck ever needed words when there were all kinds of hug-bunps to be had? Just a hug could say enough in his mind. He's missed this.
Go on other Gamz. Let it all out.]
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Eventually he did release his cross-dimensional self still looking about solemn but not as bad as before.]
Thanks Brother.
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It's all chill, bro. No need to be all thanking me none.
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[He did give a somewhat angry frown at that.]
Sent me nearly halfway across the continent and I don't know if I'll ever be allowed back.
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[Gamzee's all for travelling, don't even doubt, but it's not quite the same when it's out of something like that.]
Did he at least get to be coming with you? My own self's Dad was pretty big on travel and shit, just not so great at the bringing me and my bro along part. [Or the coming home part.]
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[He looked even more serious.]
I am only going to tell you this because you are me. You might understand.
Tav was important to me. Tav was my only real friend. I had the staff my dad had looking after me and they are great but I never got along with people my age. They can't up and have a good time.
My Brother Tav did though. Despite bein' an African child and not bein' treated very nice where I come from he was nice and could have fun.
But that FUCKER [He spat out the word.] He hurt him. Killed him.
[His face twisted into a rather enraged look] So I stomped that fucker's head, stomped it until his head was dust.
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Gamzee goes still as stone.]
...What?
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[Gamzee's face was contorted with anger, the rage from that night filling him up again.]
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[It'd be near impossible to tell whether it was supposed to be a question or a statement. His voice is barely audible.]
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I ain't never killed nobody.
[The words slip out from his mouth, as small, fragile things. Even he can tell it sounds stupid. The other him wants... something. Something more than this.
He doesn't know what to say.
He's losing control of his own shit and he's losing it fast, but calming himself isn't exactly on the table here.]