Well, we all saw this coming.

[hates_hippies]

MUNDANE! It has been quite a long time since last spoke, but I am glad that you picked such a FINE day to do so. America's own birthday, best damn day on the calender! We certainly showed those pansy Redcoats who the boss is! Yessir, I am PROUD to be a citizen of this fine country and I feel sorry for anyone who isn't. But you already know how great America is, you live here! As such, I'm going to skip to my point.

It's about DAMN time you got off the computer and did something, son. It's not Independence Day without family and a grill! Everyone knows each of those colonists ate 3 square meals a day consisting of ribs, burgers, and hot dogs. So many people know it they don't even bother writing in the history books anymore!

Anyway, you've done me proud, son. BUT IT'S NOT OVER YET! I don't care what time it is, you get your ass out there and WATCH THOSE FIREWORKS! They are a symbol of the spirit of AMERICA!

That is all, DISMISSED.

Comments

Sure did see this coming.

[hasstandards]

And here I was thinkin' we might make it the entire day without hearin' one of those speeches you usually give around this time of year.

I had to.

[hates_hippies]

Negatory, Mr. Sniper! It is my job to remind each and everyone of my teammates the importance of this holiday. And you can be DAMN sure I will do said job!

[hasstandards]

You reminded us last year. And the year before that. Isn't that good enough?

[hates_hippies]

I think you know the answer to that, Mr. Sniper, but I am going to give it to you anyway.

IT'S NO!

[not_onyourside]

I do not zhink zhe founding fazzers ate hot dogs.

Have I told you recently how much I love you? XDDD

[hates_hippies]

Of course they did, Spy! What else would they eat, fish and chips?

N'aww. <3. Spy is only concerned about the accuracy of food. XD

[not_onyourside]

How would zhey make hot dogs een zhe 1700's? Zhere weren't any cows een America you realize.

<3 Soldier is just concerned about AMERICA

[hates_hippies]

That's easy, obviously they beat the tar out of the English and took theirs!

[It's best not arguing with him Spy, he'll make your brain hurt.]

idek, man. my apologies in advance. I shouldn't have net access after a certain hour.

[hisbrotherskeeper]

With respect, my friend, I must question the truth of your claims. I occasionally met the colonists you speak of after they were slain on the field of battle and brought to my father's hall, and I don't believe any of them dined on ribs or engaged in any other forms of cannibalism. I think such a thing would harm their chances of earning a seat at a table in Valhalla.

I have also been given to understand that mortals are quite fond of dogs and keep them as pets. Am I mistaken and they are rather kept to be fattened for feasting?

If it would please you, I would be honored to introduce you to my good friend, who is a captain of America. I will tell him at once when he is returned from watching the fireworks at seaside.

Don't apologize. This is going to be beautiful.

[hates_hippies]

Cannibalism? What are God's green Earth are you talking about, son? When I say ribs, I mean the meal! Pig ribs, meat. You know, pork! A REAL AMERICAN meal.

And hot dogs aren't actually MADE from dogs. It's just a name! I'd never eat a dog. Man's best friend and all that.

As for this Captain friend of yours, I would be HONORED to meet him.

[hisbrotherskeeper]

Apologies, my friend. There is much about this world I don't know, so I thank you for your assistance and clarification.

Ah, roast boar! I understand now. The ribs are pleasant, but too little meat to be satisfying. I much prefer the great mastadons of Jotunheim. But one of the beasts can feed even the healthiest appetite for weeks.

I am relieved to hear this about your "hot dogs," as well. But I wonder, then, what are they made of? I was recently made aware as well of a "hamburger," though I tasted no pork in the sandwich. Where I hail, we name our food stuffs for what they are. Your customs here confound me.

Excellent! Though I'm sure a fine champion such as yourself has already made his acquaintance? No matter. I shall introduce you to Captain Rogers. He is a good man and a mighty warrior, though as much of an outsider to this world as I am myself, it seems.

ELUSIVE SOLDIER~!

[notintehkitchen]

Sir, Sir! They put bacon on all of those things too, right!?

[Because that's damn AMERICAN.]

PYRO SIS~!

[hates_hippies]

YOU BET YOUR ASS THERE'LL BE BACON!

[The MOST AMERICAN.]

X3 <3

[notintehkitchen]

[She's not sure what that means, but hopefully it means yes!]

Can the apple pie have bacon in it too?

[crediting]

[ casually keeps sasha beside her because this is red soldier he's psycho ]

More rockets rigged with sparklers this time? That is nice. Somewhat distracting, but nice.

[hates_hippies]

[yes, that's a good idea]

You better believe it! This is going to be one 4th of July people won't soon forget!

Bet they don't have anything like this in Russian, huh?

[crediting]

Nyet, nyet. We have plenty. America's too far to see big, beautiful fireworks from Russia.

[ex_haveaplan64]

Any chance 'f talking Demoman out 'f trying t' do 'is own show this year, or should we just stand back and watch 'im blow all 'is limbs off again?

[hates_hippies]

Let the Scot have his fun, Sniper! Besides, if he hasn't learned his lesson after the last four times he tried it, then it's safe to give up.

[bye_to_yer_head]

I thought there was more t' this holiday than grillin' and fireworks.

[hates_hippies]

There is! But it's a time for celebration. Why, you BLUs don't know how to have FUN?!

[bye_to_yer_head]

'Course we do. I'm sure they're doing somethin' fer th' holiday.

[ex_patriotically156]

I haven't heard such a speech since the end of the war.

[hates_hippies]

Glad to meet a woman who knows a fine speech when she hears it!

[ex_patriotically156]

Very patriotic — now, what unit were you?