(no subject)

[definingfuture]

Got this out of your system yet? I'm a very busy man, as I know you are well aware. Let's just get this over with quickly so I can get back to my life. Besides, you have a lot of catch up to do. Maybe you should focus on that instead of playing around with me, hm?

... Okay, yes, I'm impressed that you didn't rely on any obvious puns. That doesn't actually make me feel any better. And, yes, I know making me feel better isn't the point. I just wanted to mention that. It's the little things that keep life going.

Comments

[revisionism]

[ the obstinance, the arrogance can and does get the better of him. He takes a heavy moment to compose himself, control a steadily rising voice.

He speaks low. ]

We don't need to fight here.

[definingfuture]

[It's desperation too. He has so little left, he just has to stubbornly cling to what he does have.]

Good... I don't want to fight you. Steve, I never wanted that to happen. You know I would never have intentionally led you anywhere I thought would get you killed.

[revisionism]

Intentions can only hold so much water after the chips fall.


But -- I value your honesty with me here. I know honesty's had some setbacks.

[definingfuture]

I know.

[He speaks quietly.]

I know it's too late. I just wanted to tell you...

[His calm breaks a little like he can't hold steady.]

Maybe if it had ended then, that wouldn't have happened.

[revisionism]

[ He moves forward in a half-step, before thinking better of it. Instead, he looks at Tony with visible exhaustion that he tucks away, in lieu of one more appeal to their shared loyalty. Hey, maybe it'll be halfway-comforting. ]

I regret that I couldn't continue the fight.

But look at our team, Tony. They're fractured, they're tired. But I know you see the spirit in their ongoing fight, their conviction. I say that means much more than just one man.

[definingfuture]

[ He lingers, wanting to make amends, but the answer doesn't help. He draws back, turning away in a half-hearted withdraw. If only there were a better way to do this. A drink would be great. ]

You couldn't win. I didn't want- I should have done things differently, but you couldn't win this one.

Everything was at stake. Maybe it was always supposed to be like this. If you're still you, if Captain America can still defend the ideals of fighting the impossible, then at least it amounted to something.

[revisionism]

Justice has good as won. If my death -- if the friends who had to flee you -- if they haven't proven that you're headed down the wrong path... [ Exhale. This is, perhaps, something Tony needs to discover for himself. He shakes his head. ]

No more nonsense about destiny. I wonder if you feel your gains have made up for all this loss of life and friendship. I wonder if you have time for remorse.

[definingfuture]

[ All the things he never said to the living Steve Rogers--that burning confession to the dead--wells up again and he almost turns. It would be easier to fall to his knees and beg for a quick end of everything; just let the world destroy itself and not have to watch as it swallowed its heroes.

But then Steve wouldn't be Steve. He stays standing. ]

Is that what you think I'm doing? Making up for my losses? Counting the chips that might make up for losing the team and losing you?

There aren't enough chips in the world to cover a fraction of that.

[ He sounds bitter and tired, but the accusation hurts more than the pain of everything else. ]

But I don't care, right? I don't care about them. Or you. You know, sometimes I wish to God that were true.

[revisionism]

[ and as it's Steve, he will certainly not let this go -- nor settle, nor compromise. Even if words have the capacity to move him. ]

Words. Words, Iron Man.

Prove it.

[definingfuture]

Of all the- You really think I'm gaining here? How the hell do you figure that works, Cap?

[ It's a sudden burst of anger and it lasts only as long as the words. He's through even before he's finished yelling. ]

Just tell me what you want.

I dig that we keep similar hours! Your Tony is good company <3

[revisionism]

No, I don't. Save, there was a time when a call to action was all it took for us to set aside our differences.

I want to know your heart was in the right place -- care about what was right. Skip the 'necessity' talk. No statistics. I want to believe you had --

[ Difficult to keep track of the time between them, to know how he ought to be feeling. It's too late for anger; he knows this and maybe it's fown to seeking peace of mind for the both of them -- in whatever small spaces they can find it. ]

Just that.

Thank you! I deeply enjoy them talking like this <3

[definingfuture]

[ Ah... yes. That does make him flinch. ]

Once upon a time? Would you believe that I, I was trying to answer that call? No, I know you won't. But you had to have seen it. The way they were looking at us.

[ It's hard not to bring up necessity. Less difficult to mention statistics, because that was never really his thing, just a back up, but necessity is all he really ever had. It was all about necessity. ]

You think I did all of that for myself.

[ It's the second most depressing thing he's had to swallow. But he swallows it, tries to reason with Steve without mentioning necessity. ]

It protected them. It saved lives... innocent lives.

Though Steve can be such a hardass, what the what. Sorry, Tony.

[revisionism]

I'm not in the habit of forfeiting my principles in the face of adversity.

[ He shakes his head, firm, but his voice is softer now. He understood the primal ache in Tony's flinch. ] Protection at the cost of freedom.

He earns it. But he tries, at least!

[definingfuture]

No, of course not. You don't compromise with anyone. You-

[ Shut up, Tony. That kind of talk never helps. ]

It's for them, Steve. The-the families and the innocent people we are supposed to protect. I'm not- I wasn't doing it for nothing. It wasn't for me...

[ Starting to lose composure there. He has to stop and look away so he can collect his thoughts. It's a lot harder to face Steve now, knowing the outcome, than before. ]

You don't know what it cost me.

[revisionism]

[ Honesty, all said, is still a rarity these days. He chases this opportunity to find it. ]

I'm willing to listen, Tony. Be straight with me.

[definingfuture]

[ Honesty is... well, he's not sure how honest he can really be. Instinctive defense responses, survival psychology, coping mechanisms. All that modern psychobabble. He shakes his head. ]

What happened to just moving forward? I screwed up. Big time, I screwed up. But I wanted to keep us alive. And- and the methods weren't right. I know, I should have kept us all together. Somehow. Instead I ended up making it all that much worse.

I know the cost. I knew when I signed on that I'd... [ He stalls out there. ]

[revisionism]

[ Something passes across Steve's face, brief but immense. He inhales, holds it until Tony's words fail him, and then seven more seconds. ]

Don't go thinking I don't regret my methods, either. I didn't -- hell, it's why I turned myself in. It didn't end right. And that's on my head, too.

We neither of us met expectations.

[definingfuture]

No. [ He almost faded out a little there, but whatever he managed to pick up from what Steve said snaps him back into it. ]

No, you don't compromise. That wasn't what I was trying to say. See, it's just... It was just so more than I thought it was. I thought I had it. I had it. At least, at the beginning of everything. All I had to do was make it quick and safe and, and there's always going to be bloodshed, but I could make it less.

But then it all cost so much. I wasn't... It's not what I wanted.

[revisionism]

[ It's difficult to listen to. He had never expected he would listen to Tony, like this. What it drags up out of him would be insurmountable, were he to dwell on it. So he fights it. ]

... How will you move forward?

[definingfuture]

... However I can. That's kind of up to you. You and the others, I mean.

[ He's rolling over already. Again. Giving up, because he can now that Steve is in front of him. It's strangely relieving, despite the promise of losing even more. ]

I want to tell you, though, I always, always did what I did because I thought it was for the best. And I did a lot of things I'm not proud of...

[revisionism]

I can't answer that with anymore certainty than you can, Tony. All I'm asking of you is that whatever you feel you can do, you do. I will match you as best as I can to pull the weight from my end. We'll mend till we meet in the middle as we always have. We'll meet as partners.

I'm not saying it will be easy. The amends won't be instantaneous. We'll need to surmount our walls and we may stall.

But I want us to pull through. I want to see to it that we can try to solve this together. You snd me, like we know we can.

[definingfuture]

I don't know what to do. I thought I knew, but it all ended up falling apart. I lost everyone close to me, I lost myself, I lost-

I lost the most important thing I had.

[ Whoa, pull back there, Tony. Now isn't the time or the place to start that confession again. And his voice is starting to crack. ]

I just want- I want to put things together again. I don't want to have to do this anymore.

[revisionism]

[ He hesitates; he doesn't want to hear Tony give out under his burdens, not when there's little he can do to help shoulder the weight. Not when Tony has finally given him sincerity and a willingness to change. It's just that it's all too late, isn't it? The old bridges are burnt and they're not coming back. ]

We're still here, you and me.

[definingfuture]

[ He's trying not to. He's doing his best, despite everything and all that he has done, and he still obviously wants to keep trying. If he didn't want that much, he would already be on the floor, begging for a very different absolution. ]

Are we? ...Yeah, we're that. We're here. Steve, I'm not proud of what happened, but I believed in it. I'd never do it if I had really known what it would come to. And I won't. I won't do it again, so-

I know you guys can't forgive me. Not yet. But I'm going to make things better.

[ He may sound desperate to convince him there. A little undone, but he's had that coming for awhile. ]

I'll make it right again.

[revisionism]

[ Oh, Tony. If only you knew what power your words have, even now.

He clenches his jaw, taut and frayed. ]

I understand. I know you. I know you'll try.

I never -- condemned you.

[ Hated him, perhaps. Sometimes loathed him. But Tony Stark was never a struggle Steve won over -- simply pushed aside by force of will, to be regretted when the war was won. ]