dear_mun | (no subject)

Entry tags:

canon: marvel comics

(no subject)

Got this out of your system yet? I'm a very busy man, as I know you are well aware. Let's just get this over with quickly so I can get back to my life. Besides, you have a lot of catch up to do. Maybe you should focus on that instead of playing around with me, hm?

... Okay, yes, I'm impressed that you didn't rely on any obvious puns. That doesn't actually make me feel any better. And, yes, I know making me feel better isn't the point. I just wanted to mention that. It's the little things that keep life going.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I don't know what to do. I thought I knew, but it all ended up falling apart. I lost everyone close to me, I lost myself, I lost-

I lost the most important thing I had.

[ Whoa, pull back there, Tony. Now isn't the time or the place to start that confession again. And his voice is starting to crack. ]

I just want- I want to put things together again. I don't want to have to do this anymore.

[ He hesitates; he doesn't want to hear Tony give out under his burdens, not when there's little he can do to help shoulder the weight. Not when Tony has finally given him sincerity and a willingness to change. It's just that it's all too late, isn't it? The old bridges are burnt and they're not coming back. ]

We're still here, you and me.

[ He's trying not to. He's doing his best, despite everything and all that he has done, and he still obviously wants to keep trying. If he didn't want that much, he would already be on the floor, begging for a very different absolution. ]

Are we? ...Yeah, we're that. We're here. Steve, I'm not proud of what happened, but I believed in it. I'd never do it if I had really known what it would come to. And I won't. I won't do it again, so-

I know you guys can't forgive me. Not yet. But I'm going to make things better.

[ He may sound desperate to convince him there. A little undone, but he's had that coming for awhile. ]

I'll make it right again.

[ Oh, Tony. If only you knew what power your words have, even now.

He clenches his jaw, taut and frayed. ]

I understand. I know you. I know you'll try.

I never -- condemned you.

[ Hated him, perhaps. Sometimes loathed him. But Tony Stark was never a struggle Steve won over -- simply pushed aside by force of will, to be regretted when the war was won. ]

[ He's a little unhinged. Not completely, but he's just not the confident soldier that Steve or Thor are. It hit him hard, and he never did knuckle down the way he really wanted to.

For reasons maybe Steve could never understand, but they were his reasons. ]

No, that's wrong. I would... I think I would do it. And I know you won't completely hate me because it's you, but you'll never be able to trust me again and I did that. I destroyed all of that for this. For them.

And I hate it.

[ The emotion simply leaves his voice on that line. There's more to say than that. A whole lot more, about how he made so many dirty deals and compromised himself in so many ways, but that takes more energy than he can muster, so the abridged version stands. Just four easy words. ]

[ He lowers his gaze after he realizes he doesn't need to search Tony's face; there's nothing to be hidden.

He falls silent until he thinks he can trace the rhythm of Tony's breathing. ]

I'm sorry, Tony.

It saved lives.

[ He's not even sure he can repeat that anymore. Practically speaking? Those lives were worth saving. He doesn't regret making the call that ultimately meant more people would be saved. That part he's still holding to.

But he does regret the cost. It's simply too much for him, and he's not good at coping. Clinging, like the addict that he is to these things he cares about and needs and depends on, he's breathing pretty hard. And his voice is still dull. ]

I. I didn't mean to let it get so out of control, Steve. It was all on me, and I couldn't stop it.

[ Yes, the war. Why not? He's a hero. ]

[ That argument, even as a deflated jumble of moise, still grabs him somewhere raw. He keeps his voice steady and low for both their sakes. ] Enough of that. You don't need to talk me down now.

I meant what I said before. We're still here. I believe we can draw great hope from that.

Truly. [ He's drawing in closer, slowly; Tony looks like he could use a hand, he rationalizes. ]

[ He lets out a breath that seems to leak out of his entire frame. It's a relief to be told he doesn't have to fight, and whether or not Steve still hates him is lost in the calming words. He's swayed by the familiar voice. One he thought he'd already lost, and that had crushed him. Just getting to talk to Steve again helps pull him together. ]

We can do it, Cap. If we work together again, we can fix things. It won't be like it was, but it will be good.

[ He's just hoping they can still work together. At this point, maybe he's lost that, but he's trying to repair it. ]

[ He stops, the clouds clearing from his expression. ]

I'm glad to hear you say that.

The call to action comes first. Even in the face if the greatest odds we'll pull through to answer it. I know we will.

[ Steve knows this; he also knows that they live on to fight together, but not alongside one another. To explain this would leave a sense of uncharted loss salient and defeating between them. Steve lets it stay tucked away, watching Tony to be sure Tony believes what he's saying. ]

[ It's difficult to tell what he believes. He's devoted, of course, but he was convinced of what he did before. Right now, he's nodding with his eyes closed, listening to Steve like one listens to the waves on the beach for comfort and relief. He always gives a hundred and ten percent. That's who he is. ]

It always comes first. You won't have to worry about me again. That's a promise.

[ And even though he knows it's probably going to lead to something painful, he knows he'll do the right thing. He just doesn't know what that is. ]

I want to do things our way.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only