no one has any idea what they're doing

[reddeadvirtuoso]

ok
listen
its pretty obvious you have no idea what youre doing
and this is coming from the king of having no idea what the fuck theyre doing with a single mastery in being really shitty at time travel
but absolutely perfect at time travel humor
because thats all that really matters in life :|
so how about you just step away from the keyboard before you get ahead of yourself
and we both lose it
youve been sitting on this idea for a grand total of ten hours
and as much as i want nothing more to bust in and save everyone like some kind of true american hero or knight in dumb red armor
come to save all the poor bastards who are in way over their heads in horrorterrors and mad science
but i just
dont
just let me have some breathing room for five minutes ok
daves the knight here thats not my job

Comments

[reddeadvirtuoso]

zombies are old school
you get one of those every other holiday season and its like whatever
you cant even touch this brain
but you dont mess with a dudes blood thats just not cool
makes a goddamn mess when it gets everywhere and fuck some stains are just forever you know
vampires are fucking b class horror monsters anywhere
call me when they break out the werewolves

fucking damnit eri
ok you know how youre always telling me to be like
hey stop trying to jump back in time to stop people from dying some folks just gotta die
stop making doomed timelines and shit
well im telling you stop being a fucking pussy some folks just gotta get their heads bashed in with a shovel
including older fishfaced versions of yourself
especially older fishfaced versions of yourself :|
and when it comes to the time honored tradition of strider ninja flash step you will i am the most barely adequate there is
gotta disappear in the night
make bro proud you know what im saying
what im saying is
fuck your tower

[chronomancer]

fuck take a seat
i think that premieres next

...wwell damn strider
shut the fuck up already
youre going to make a bro
hell
take off his shades an Go Havve A Moment
offscreen
shit be embarrassin as hell

[reddeadvirtuoso]

hell fucking yes
cook up some popcorn lets get this show on the motherfucking road i got my goddamn snuggie and everything

aw fuck come on movie star
this is embarrassing keep your shit together
youre gonna ruin our cool guys with barely a grip on whatever the fuck theyre doing party
totally ruining our street cred!

[chronomancer]

alwways prepared arent you
sit back an enjoy fursplodin beasts

shit man
this is wwhy im wwarnin you bro
wwe dont wwant to go Dowwn That Road
gross things livve there

[reddeadvirtuoso]

yeah dude come on
you never know when im gonna meet some dude in the future with this stupid butter stained snuggie
and it turns out he got this thing from this awesome dude in a red cape and killer shades
and im gonna have to hop back to the past and give the guy his childhood memento on his fifth birthday or something
thems the breaks

thats the road of crappy after school specials and touching family movies
we dont wanna go down that road
maybe if you cut your arm off we can get back up to a pg-13 rating

[chronomancer]

cannot forget the bitchin scarf
thatd be a crime
must alwways keep track a them scarvves

fuck that strider
dont you knoww
this coolcat nevver repeats a performance
...except the sopor ones but Wwe Dont Talk About Those
if you really wwanna relivve the moment
loop yourself a wway back

[reddeadvirtuoso]

the scarf is so obvious its already implied in all of these shenanigans
but im not giving my scarf away to some bum ill meet when hes five thats like
a crime
not everyone can handle the bitchin scarves

bro you may be a better shot than i am but i am a way cooler cat than youll ever be
shovel swag or not
also whats sopor

[chronomancer]

scarvves are signs a endurin broship
cannot givve those awway lightly

sopor is the shit trolls use to sleep so wwe dont get consumed by vviolent nightmares an go on a little midsleep murderspree
its also shit that should Nevver be put in a pie
an if you are stupid enough to put it in a pie
you should at least Nevver Evver put that shit to your lips
hangovver lasts like a fuckin goddamn wweek
shit

[reddeadvirtuoso]

exactly
see my stupid troll bro gets it thats why you got the time honored privilege of one of these kicking striped scarves
wear it proudly

dude
eri
did you eat the sopor
after youre telling me its really fucking stupid to eat it
are you for fucking serious
:|

[chronomancer]

is wwhat i do
fuck time shit up
wwear kickass scarf
bitches be jealous jade

...its a long story an it makes perfect sense in retrospectivve
its also All Gamzees Fault
i wwash my hands clean a it

[reddeadvirtuoso]

fuck yeah were living large here
all of the bitches be jealous
its just another thing that makes us so goddamn remarkable

isnt gamzee that cat dude you were talking about
this is sounding Pretty Fucking Stupid in retrospect
drunken parties last a day but fallouts are forever
especially if theyre hilarious

...you didn't see that.

[chronomancer]

can you evven Count The Wways wwere remarkable?

oh
im sorry
did i forget to mention
the Towwer is like this Interdimentional Dumpster?
because it is
theres poor suckers from alternate univverses too
like a fishfaced me thats older but not as older as the other fucker wwhose face i wwil one day Reorganize wwith the lovvin touch a my shovvel
all things considered he evven sounds like hes not a complete fuckin failure
theres also a jade
wwho isnt you
an then a gamzee
wwho is not hot on the catpuns
but on bein my bro an occasionally goin a smidge crazy an killin evveryone around him
nice kid
wworthy a bein a scarf bro honest
but wwhen hes not killin evveryone hes shovvin sopor pie dowwn my throat
so
Not My Fault
just my hangovver

these are definitely not the trolls i'm looking for

[reddeadvirtuoso]

fuck no there are just too many
for all the dead jades and eris we got lying around six feet under
weve got five more ways that were remarkable

so there are two fishfaced versions of you?
and
another jade
ok sure
ill bring up my hideous offense at you suggesting someone else is worthy of these badass scarves later but
dude you have got to stop making bros with people that are murderous psychos
like seriously im starting to worry if ive got some kind of latent homicidal urges that are just gonna bust out and make me shoot everyone
did you take a peak at the future and find out im secretly the evil dog demon
coming back here to tell me to keep my shit together and stop being such a murderous pissant because my time bro doesnt have the cajones to beat up his older fishfached self

definitely, 'sides, no one likes Jaderi's ancestor. He's a douchenuzzle.

[chronomancer]

precisely
theres no dictionary entry on remarkable
because no one can finish recordin all the wways wwe define the wword

its a big deal
okay
hes an adult an my not ancestor an its Wweird
ill get around to it
Evventually
meanwwhile
care to explore your newwfound omnicidal urges
i mean shit jade
by this point
im a pro at handlin omnicidal bros
youre in good hands here

just like in the original canon!

[reddeadvirtuoso]

they literally had to remove it from the dictionary because it was too inefficient trying to compile the whole list for the entry
and we just kept adding more and erasing more because fucking time holy shit

oh right trolls have this weird thing where its like no adults anywhere
and theyre all raised by animals or whatever
even if i had these proverbial omnicidal urges
i think dave and your treehugger sis stole all the loony snapping grimdark shenanigans
if i went and did it now id just look like a poser
gotta think of my own crowning moments of crazy you know

just with a pinch of "backstabbing asshole oh go die in a fire plz"

[chronomancer]

pretty much

thats howw it is
youre not supposed to meet your ancestor
evven if hes the wwrong bloodcolor
or an Unmitigated Bastard
...leavve fef out a this
its Complicated
more than usual i mean

perfect recipe for douchebag stew

[reddeadvirtuoso]

which is still kind of weird but
id be pretty disappointed if my adult ancestor guy was an unmitigated bastard so
hey no offense to your weird alien not girlfriend thing
but from what you told me the chick was kind of definitely off her rocker in a really bad way
then again im friends with sir lancelot grimass so what the fuck do i know

he and douchefins get along well, no dismembering has actually happened!

[chronomancer]

do humans evven havve ancestors
hey
fef had her reasons
it sucked an it wwasnt like she Wwanted to vviciously cull evveryone in the goddamn rock
my moirail is not crazy
too crazy
crazys Relativve anywway
besides
if youre going to seriously put my friendin habits into question
ill remind you
youre my friend too
wwhat does that Say about you jadebro?

so how much longer until one snaps and harpoons the other?

[reddeadvirtuoso]

yeah we got ancestors
you know about my bro hes basically my animaldad without being an animal
we got families so we can trace back our family trees for generations and all those old bags that started our awesome roots are our ancestors

it says that
holy shit thats a dude with some cool shades and absolutely no fucking clue what theyre doing
having to be babysat by this naggy green alien guy before they make everything five times worse than they already were
its
fucking
remarkable
the point is im not crazy at least

still up in the air, it'll probably whoever blinks first

[chronomancer]

but are you like
supposed to take on their footsteps an continue their Legacy an shit?
because thats wwhat wwere supposed to do
though shit be freezin in hell before i take ovver wwhat the douchecar orphaner says

i like that naggy green alien dude
Best Babysitter Evver
totally not crazy either

that is one legendarily passive aggressive staring contest

[reddeadvirtuoso]

you can if you want i guess
here i am trying to uphold the strider legacy of cool and
awesome
or whatever
but like rose is kind of sick of her old man
and john was raised by a fucking dog
so unless he grows up to be a furry thats gonna be kind of hard
orphaners a stupid name :|
but if he asks you shoot him in the eye i say go for it

dont be fooled hes kind of an enormous tool that wont shut up
crazy or not
and hes one of those retarded babysitters that put the kid down on the counter while hes talking on the phone and the kids crawling around and its like
ooh look at the shiny stabbing implements!
but whatever
hes a pretty cool dude
if i keep going were just gonna end up in sapsville again and im pretty sure were trying to avoid that

it's how aquarius rolls, baby

[chronomancer]

once i procure a gun?
believve me
his are the first horns im shootin off

yeah the point here is that Sapsvville population is Not Us
but hey you shouldnt be too hard on the dude
hes babysittin a spectacularly cool kid who nevver listens
an goes around showwin off the rad cape
though wwhen you look at it Objectivvely
kid probably didnt evven need a babysitter
fuckin prodigy kids
its like theyre hatched Ready huh

they see me rolliiiin' they hatiiiin'

[reddeadvirtuoso]

maybe if i crash your towerstuck maggothive we can use him for target practice
five points if you shoot off his horns
ten if you get his eyes

hey that kid totally earned that cape
flaunt your stuff man
without that naggy alien babysitter the alpha probably woulda gotten offed like
yesterday
pulling off these batshit stunts guns blazing
like a fucking action hero
only no one wins and scratch goes everyone dies

more like, they see me failin', they laughin' (aquarius is the sign of cosmic fail, man)

[chronomancer]

twwenty if you shoot off his fins huh?

that she did
most wwell earned cape in all paradox space
heh
maybe maybe
naggy alien babysitter could stand to Chill The Fuck Out sometimes though
this has been provven repeatedly

fuck the scratch
fuck the haters

i'm gonna need more popcorn for this

[reddeadvirtuoso]

and twentyfive if you can shatter his teet

damn straight he could
he is so goddamn hopped up and anal
gotta do this dont do that gotta stop that no what are you doing shit
so i think he could stand to calm the fuck down every now and then
yknow when were not
about to be killed by a lime green dog demon
the scratch is dumb haters are dumb
sburb is dumb
you and me time bro youre getting in on my friday night pizza and soda binge
no bitching allowed
it will be a nag free zone
gotta unwind or youll have a fucking ulcer or something
you cant time rewind that shit