no one has any idea what they're doing

[reddeadvirtuoso]

ok
listen
its pretty obvious you have no idea what youre doing
and this is coming from the king of having no idea what the fuck theyre doing with a single mastery in being really shitty at time travel
but absolutely perfect at time travel humor
because thats all that really matters in life :|
so how about you just step away from the keyboard before you get ahead of yourself
and we both lose it
youve been sitting on this idea for a grand total of ten hours
and as much as i want nothing more to bust in and save everyone like some kind of true american hero or knight in dumb red armor
come to save all the poor bastards who are in way over their heads in horrorterrors and mad science
but i just
dont
just let me have some breathing room for five minutes ok
daves the knight here thats not my job

Comments

[reddeadvirtuoso]

this is all still sounding like a mess of bullshit to me bro
that actually sounds marginally better than the last time i talked to you
you know when we were all facing our impending universe death
good times
step off dave though ok
i know hes the biggest prick that ever walked the hallowed halls of your local library but hes a bro
promised him i would snap him the motherfuck out of it when he was done throwing his horroterry hissyfit

[chronomancer]

its not
better than last time we talked i mean
i miss impending universe death
i look back wwith a tear in my eye sometimes an think
shit bro those wwere the Good Times
ill havve you knoww that i havvent touched A Single Hair in his knightly grimdark head
so chill on that
i deservve a fuckin Medal though
months a Sharin A Room wwith him an i still havvent figured out wwhy hes your bro
or howw is he your bro wwithout wwantin to throttle him Evvery So Often more like
but hey
on the upside
he hasnt blowwn up my husktop again
nevvermind the fact i dont Havve one anymore
the point Still Stands right

[reddeadvirtuoso]

back in those good old days when the demon was murdering as all
stabbing all my best guys
blowing up planets
yeah i look back at those days and think fuck do i wish i could go back to that time
it was like a kodak moment

to be fair youre an ornery naggy temporal fuck up alien thing and were still bros
so theres that
just put a blanket over his head and hell think its nighttime im sure
props for not blowing up the hardware

[chronomancer]

...at least they Stayed Dead then
at least dyin wwas the wworst that could happen then
but hey
since wwhen havve things gone the wway wwe expect them to right?
Fuck That Noise lets just find out howw far the hopbeast hole really goes

hey
hey there
i am a royally fucked up temporal disaster an the life a the doomed timeline party
wwho the fuck Doesnt wwant to be my friend?

[reddeadvirtuoso]

sounding a little dark on me there movie star
you sure youre not the grimdark one
hey dont be so down on yourself i mean
when it comes to having all their shit fall to pieces and falling into all of the universes deadly pittrap we are simply the best there is

scuse you i think you are forgetting who the real life of the doomed timeline party is
in all their dead body shoveling and friend murdering glory
thats right its me
all of the bitches want some of this one of a kind strider bullshit

[chronomancer]

nah
still not diggin the grimdark shit
Not My Shtick an all
damn right wwe are
wwho else are they gonna call

i dunno jade
things Havve Happened
i think youll find my shovvelin technique has gotten Disarmin lately
bitches be diggin the jadeblood swwag noww

[reddeadvirtuoso]

hey man you wouldnt even have to change your whacky skin color if you did
no one because there is simply no one else
were like professional session wreckers
fuck yeah

oh hell no youre telling me my retarded jade pal is getting his swag all up and going in the land of terror and bullshit
and im stuck here in this pit with nothing but my kicking shades and badass scarf
fuck you and your shovel eri
my technique is way more slick than yours

[chronomancer]

the fuck is wwrong wwith this healthy grey
at least it doesnt get extra crispy in the sun
wwhod wwant to Wwreck It wwith that shit?

your retarded jade pal
lemme remind you
is both a better shot an has the best shovvel technique
he is simply The Best There Is
especially wwhen it comes to bein a monumental fucked up pants on head retarded mess
but hey
if you wwant to learn The Ways A The Shovvel
hack off an arm an lose the rifles for a wwhile
Improvvement Guaranteed

[reddeadvirtuoso]

your complexion is that of a dusty cobweb
its like so pasty that instead of being white it went around and dust bunnies threw up
cant even get a tan in the sun

whoah
fuck you >:|
you dont tell a dude to put down their choice piece in the heat of battle
you just dont
and my shoveling technique is fucking amazing
comes with all this bullshit experience ive been through
level up +3 shovel skill points
at the least my pants remain safely over my ass

[chronomancer]

actually
havvin met someone wwith a Wworst Complexion Problem
wwhite does not suit trolls
especially when it fuckin Glowws

i knoww right
fuckin rude
but thats the wway to learn
or in my case
Survvivve fuckin retarded Towwer a shithivve maggots horrors
im givvin you the choice i wwasnt givven man
Openin The Doors A Knowwledge for you
though if you can
avvoid losin the arm
turns out shits twwice as hard to do wwithout one

[reddeadvirtuoso]

what
the fuck
i didnt know you guys came in snow white and glow stick varieties now

you are just the rudest there fucking is
dont give me that wise jedi bullshit again bro
im not going through your crazy troll spartan training rituals
especially if/when they involve losing an arm
and/or shithive crazy towers
i think ill keep both of mine in tact
as well as my rifles
k thanks

[chronomancer]

me neither
an then i met a goddamn I Shit You Not bloodsucker in the flesh
i thought that shit wwas just for movvies an stuff
but nope
there she wwas
glowwin like a goddamn stick an bitchin me out about shit

hey noww
im just sharin my experience these past months
no need to imply im off my fuckin rocket so much id go around doin that shit On Purpose
it just happens
you knoww
youre just mindin your business
endin the wworld
just finished chattin wwith you an all
an then bam
Wwelcome to Towwer Wwondersuck
an you think shit bro this aint wwhat i signed up for
but they dont givve a shit an it aint so bad except all the good guns are gone
an the bad ones too
an wwehn youre finally Gettin The Hang a it
shit fuckin scary asshole decides he wwants you to Givve Him A Hand
an an arm
for keeps
but hey
Could Be Wworse
could be Dead
except bein dead is a Good Thing since thats howw you go about gettin your arm back
but by then youre a shovvelin monstrosity
i mean fuck
all the skill jade
wwould be raisin up the echeladder if it wwere still a thing
wwhich is not

[reddeadvirtuoso]

you met a troll vampire
that glows
what the actual fuck
thats some bad hollywood taste the rainbow bullshit right there
its like trolls are now skittles in all of their stupid hemocaste glory preyed on by the night

bro not gonna lie
you sound pretty off your rocker
if trolls have those
but i cant in good conscious dismiss a fuckhole thats stealing my main time mans guns and ripping his arms off!
seriously holy shit
did you kick that motherfuckers ass
i swear to god eri if you didnt kick his motherfucking ass and beat his head over with that trusty shovel of yours after that ill storm into your casa de wondersuck and deliver a beat down of my own you fucking pussy
cant let these asswipes fuck with my stupid alien brosis that privilege is reserved for me and that stupid game
and then punch dave in the jaw and tell him to calm his fucking tits
punch the grimdark right off his face and my work will be done
strider away

[chronomancer]

that seemed to be the general idea
yeah
i mean fuck
zombies i can handle
fuck zombies
bloww their stupid little heads Off
no swweat
but rainbowwdrinkers are a Wwhole Different Thing
its okay if you wwanna eat my brains bro
but my blood noww thats just not cool

...there might
havve been a slight delay
in the righteous asskickin
on account a him bein like
an older fishfaced vversion a myself
shit be the stuff nightmares are made a
wwell
no actually
nightmares are made a creepier shit but still
ivve been kind a Busy lately
so the spirit a Rightful Retribution has been put an hold
wwouldnt terribly mind if you came around to beat the shit out a lalonde though
fucker needs it
but
yeah
the problem is not comin
the problem is Leavin
no strider awway once the deed is done

[reddeadvirtuoso]

zombies are old school
you get one of those every other holiday season and its like whatever
you cant even touch this brain
but you dont mess with a dudes blood thats just not cool
makes a goddamn mess when it gets everywhere and fuck some stains are just forever you know
vampires are fucking b class horror monsters anywhere
call me when they break out the werewolves

fucking damnit eri
ok you know how youre always telling me to be like
hey stop trying to jump back in time to stop people from dying some folks just gotta die
stop making doomed timelines and shit
well im telling you stop being a fucking pussy some folks just gotta get their heads bashed in with a shovel
including older fishfaced versions of yourself
especially older fishfaced versions of yourself :|
and when it comes to the time honored tradition of strider ninja flash step you will i am the most barely adequate there is
gotta disappear in the night
make bro proud you know what im saying
what im saying is
fuck your tower

[chronomancer]

fuck take a seat
i think that premieres next

...wwell damn strider
shut the fuck up already
youre going to make a bro
hell
take off his shades an Go Havve A Moment
offscreen
shit be embarrassin as hell

[reddeadvirtuoso]

hell fucking yes
cook up some popcorn lets get this show on the motherfucking road i got my goddamn snuggie and everything

aw fuck come on movie star
this is embarrassing keep your shit together
youre gonna ruin our cool guys with barely a grip on whatever the fuck theyre doing party
totally ruining our street cred!

[chronomancer]

alwways prepared arent you
sit back an enjoy fursplodin beasts

shit man
this is wwhy im wwarnin you bro
wwe dont wwant to go Dowwn That Road
gross things livve there

[reddeadvirtuoso]

yeah dude come on
you never know when im gonna meet some dude in the future with this stupid butter stained snuggie
and it turns out he got this thing from this awesome dude in a red cape and killer shades
and im gonna have to hop back to the past and give the guy his childhood memento on his fifth birthday or something
thems the breaks

thats the road of crappy after school specials and touching family movies
we dont wanna go down that road
maybe if you cut your arm off we can get back up to a pg-13 rating

[chronomancer]

cannot forget the bitchin scarf
thatd be a crime
must alwways keep track a them scarvves

fuck that strider
dont you knoww
this coolcat nevver repeats a performance
...except the sopor ones but Wwe Dont Talk About Those
if you really wwanna relivve the moment
loop yourself a wway back

[reddeadvirtuoso]

the scarf is so obvious its already implied in all of these shenanigans
but im not giving my scarf away to some bum ill meet when hes five thats like
a crime
not everyone can handle the bitchin scarves

bro you may be a better shot than i am but i am a way cooler cat than youll ever be
shovel swag or not
also whats sopor

[chronomancer]

scarvves are signs a endurin broship
cannot givve those awway lightly

sopor is the shit trolls use to sleep so wwe dont get consumed by vviolent nightmares an go on a little midsleep murderspree
its also shit that should Nevver be put in a pie
an if you are stupid enough to put it in a pie
you should at least Nevver Evver put that shit to your lips
hangovver lasts like a fuckin goddamn wweek
shit

[reddeadvirtuoso]

exactly
see my stupid troll bro gets it thats why you got the time honored privilege of one of these kicking striped scarves
wear it proudly

dude
eri
did you eat the sopor
after youre telling me its really fucking stupid to eat it
are you for fucking serious
:|

[chronomancer]

is wwhat i do
fuck time shit up
wwear kickass scarf
bitches be jealous jade

...its a long story an it makes perfect sense in retrospectivve
its also All Gamzees Fault
i wwash my hands clean a it

[reddeadvirtuoso]

fuck yeah were living large here
all of the bitches be jealous
its just another thing that makes us so goddamn remarkable

isnt gamzee that cat dude you were talking about
this is sounding Pretty Fucking Stupid in retrospect
drunken parties last a day but fallouts are forever
especially if theyre hilarious