Unhappy Spy is a dangerous Spy.

[not_onyourside]

I do not like zhis place anymore. Take me back to zhe ozzer one. Zhat was better. Everyone here ees cranky and irritable.

And zhey keep secrets from me. No one keeps secrets from me.

No one.

Comments

[hasstandards]

... No. I suppose not.

[not_onyourside]

Well you can enjoy proving zhem wrong.

[hasstandards]

Mum might faint. Or think 'er son has been replaced by a stranger somewhere along the way.

[not_onyourside]

You can tell her you taught someone how to knit. Zhen you can prove you have social skills and zhat you are using what she has taught you.

[hasstandards]

I wouldn't want to put her through too much shock, now.

[not_onyourside]

Maybe you should tell her zhat one een person so you can catch her eef she faints.

[hasstandards]

Yeah. Let 'er sit down, just in case.

[not_onyourside]

When I am done wez zhis you should take a picture een case she does not believe you.

[He's so proud of his six inches of scarf.]

[hasstandards]

[Sniper smiles again, still looking homesick. He continues on his knitting, which is now well over a foot.]

I suppose it won't be so bad. Retirement.

[not_onyourside]

Non! Eet will be fun. And we will be able to sleep een. I plan to sleep till noon and get fat eating everyzzing een sight.

[hasstandards]

Yeah. I might even sleep better when I'm not thinkin' about gettin' stabbed in the back the next day.

[not_onyourside]

Just imagine what eet will be like to not have to wake up to zhe sound of zhat bugle. I cannot even fazhom how amazing zhat ees.

[hasstandards]

Or worse, when he comes in if ya don't show up for his morning calisthenics. I'll be happy to never have those again.

[not_onyourside]

Zhe next time he tries to drag me out of bed I am going to shoot him een zhe face and not feel bad about it.

[The last time Soldier had tried that Spy had stubbornly clung to his blankets and bed, dragging the entire mattress and sheets with him as he was pulled out to the training field.]

[hasstandards]

Hn.

[He looks a hair guilty as he recalls Soldier not treating Spy well, especially when Sniper makes him late by being ill.]

Won't miss physicals, either.

[not_onyourside]

A perk of being a Spy; I do not have to have zhem.

[hasstandards]

Wha- really? Why not?

[not_onyourside]

I suppose eet ees part of zhe whole air of secrecy, but most likely because Medic cannot go prodding around wezzout damaging somezzing vital to my job.

[hasstandards]

[He has no idea what that means, but doesn't like the sound of it at all.]

Well, at least that's something. I'm not lookin' forward to my next one.

[not_onyourside]

Could you go to a different base for eet? Our Medic is a sadist.

[As Sniper already knows.]

What are zhey even checking for? Zhat you have not respawned wez limbs zhat aren't yours?

[hasstandards]

I don't know. Maybe to make sure my kidneys are in working order. Or that I'm gettin' enough sleep to function. Either way, they have yet to let me go elsewhere for it.

[not_onyourside]

[He looks up sharply.]

And are you getting enough sleep to function?

[hasstandards]

[Lineface.]

I'm alive, aren't I?

[not_onyourside]

Zhat ees hardly a ringing endorsement. But eet ees probably best to make sure your kidneys do not explode.

[hasstandards]

Look, I'm not gonna die by not sleeping.