It's time to play the music!

[musicmaestro]

Ladies and gentlemen!

[Drumroll!]

For this voice test, I, the Great Gonzo, shall now type out the first one hundred verses of Beowulf in the original Old English, while simultaneously and at the same time being dangled upside down over the keyboard by the tail end of a thirty foot anaconda!

[Three guesses on how this is going to end.]

Comments

[shortpants_knight]

That sounds like an unnecessary risk...

[earthen_hope]

You're going to what?!

[youreallweirdos]

That seems.

Excessive.

[sailorlaughter]

That sounds like...TOTALLY THE MOST SUPER-DUPER AWESOME THING EVER!!! I don't even know what a Beo Wolf IS and it sounds awesome!

[desertdaggers]

[…applauds?]

[schadenfreuded]

[Ohhhhhhh boy.]

[He'll go get the full body cast and the stretcher. Again. Just in case.]

[koa_chan]

[Well, this should be amusing~]

[musicmaestro]

Absolutely. That's what makes it art!

[musicmaestro]

Don't worry, it's perfectly safe!

[Puffs chest.]

At least for a professional.

[musicmaestro]

You think? Hmm... it does get just a little bit slow after verse 86...

[musicmaestro]

Beaker! Just the guy I needed to see! Listen, could you go get me something for the anaconda, I think she's eating my feet.

[musicmaestro]

[Holy shit someone who is actually enthusiastic about his stunt, Gonzo barely knows how to cope with that.]

I-it is? Oh! Of course it is! The height of my career, you could even say!

[musicmaestro]

Thank you, thank you!

[Gonzo will now attempt to give a bow. While upside down. And get his nose jammed between his knees.]

... ow.

[musicmaestro]

Ahh, it's great to have a captivated audience!

Oh man you are awesome XD Are you looking for a game?

[schadenfreuded]

[Oh man he's serious. Beaker runs off in a hurry, because he is a chemist and not a biologist and who even knows how quickly anacondas can eat, and comes back with a huge roast beef sandwich. Hopefully this will work, right?]

[shortpants_knight]

Riiight...

[Yeah. Link doesn't call that art. He calls it insanity.]

[youreallweirdos]

I meant more the unsafe aspects such as the dangling upside-down and especially the snake.

[musicmaestro]

Aw, it's all right, Sam. I picked an anaconda who loves poetry!

[desertdaggers]

Ah. Do you need any help with that?

eeeeee thanks XDDD. Possibly when I'm a bit more confident with the character...

[musicmaestro]

Oh, thanks. That should do the tri-EEEEEEK!

[The anaconda thinks to too! Her head, toothy mouth wide open, comes shooting down, which naturally means Gonzo goes shooting up. INCOMING CEILING. LOOK OUT BELOW.]

[musicmaestro]

I don't know, uhh - you ever untangle Whatevers before?

[musicmaestro]

You laugh now, but just wait until I get to the really scary part!

[desertdaggers]

Whatevers? [puzzled glance at the anaconda, but that doesn't seem to be it] I'm sure it can't be that hard.

[musicmaestro]

You'd be surprised. We're complicated creatures. [As may be evidenced by the face that in an effort to pull out his nose he's gotten his hands stuck too.]

[desertdaggers]

[…how did you even…] Well, if worst comes to worst, we'll have to call someone practiced in the art of untangling Whatevers. [coming over to take a closer look and try to untangle at least one hand]

[musicmaestro]

[NO ONE KNOWS] You know someone like that? I sure could use them on a more permanent basis...

[He's kind of. Curled up in a ball, hands and nose between his knees. Which are held together firmly by the tail end of have we mentioned the thirty foot anaconda.]

[shortpants_knight]

[As if the giant snake isn't scary enough. Granter, Link has seen more frightening things himself, but he had valid reaasons to confront those things. Doing so for the sake of a stunt... even if one's job was an entertainer, weren't there safer options?]

I'm not sure I want to know...

[desertdaggers]

Not personally, I'm afraid, but they must be around somewhere. Perhaps you could put out an ad!

[well the obvious thing to do is to try to negotiate with the anaconda. Hawk turns to it, pushing anxiety down- it's a little over five times long as he is high, after all- and smiling pleasantly.] I think we're going to have to push the show to a later date for now. Could you let go?

[youreallweirdos]

Even poetry-loving anacondas can be unsafe in this situation!

Well, when you do, we'd love to have you in It's Just a Game! :D

[schadenfreuded]

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

[THERE IS A GIANT SNAKE COMING AT HIM WHAT EVEN]

[He throws the sandwich up in the air and OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP RUNNING RUNNING RUNNING]

[sailorlaughter]

You work as a snake-dangling poet? I didn't even know you could DO that!

[musicmaestro]

[Alas, Gonzo and safer options are mutually exclusive concepts. Go ahead, tell him so. He'll be ever so flattered.]

It's all right, you just sit back and be amazed.

[musicmaestro]

[Gonzo considers that for a moment. He peeks upward.]

You wouldn't eat a fellow artist, would you?

[No response. That may be a good thing.]

[musicmaestro]

The trick is not knowing you can't!

[musicmaestro]

Say, that's a great idea. Maybe we could make it an act! Mr. Smith untangles The Great Gonzo to the music of...

[Pardon the Gonzo; he'll now be lost for a bit in the realm of showbiz. The anaconda, for its part, will glance down and hiss. Which prompts a translation from its captive:]

She says she's booked for the next three weeks.

Noted! I'll definitely give it a look.

[musicmaestro]

[ANACONDA ON THE MOVE. Diving for the sandwich, diving, diving - and whaddayaknow, she actually grabs the sandwich and not Beaker's head! This may be his lucky day -

Except of course that that's when Gonzo hits the ceiling and comes plummeting down. Yeah.]

[youreallweirdos]

It would if it was a culinary artist!

[shortpants_knight]

[Link has a sneaking suspicion that the 'amazing' part is going to be that you survive the stunt, but he's a little too polite to say that.]

If you say so...

I cracked up. Well played! XD

[musicmaestro]

That actually sounds exciting! Do you think she has a good recipe for me?

Glad you liked it! XD

[youreallweirdos]

I do not. Think it would be wise to ask.

[musicmaestro]

Weren't you ever even a little bit curious about which sauce you go best with?

[youreallweirdos]

...No.


No, I was not.

[musicmaestro]

... not even a tiny bit?

[SAM HE IS DISAPPOINT]

[youreallweirdos]

No. Not at all.

[Who has time to think about that when there's old-fashioned values to instill in people?!]