re: CAN'T HOLD ALL THES UPDATES

[plushrumpus]

yknow you get awful invested in this shit.
like real fuckin invested.
invested enough that if i didnt know better id be kinda concerned.
i mean youre not screaming and crying like youre 12 in the front row of the bieber preteen girl creamfest and justin himself is kneeling right in front of you on stage.
warbling out nothing but the best autotuned love ballads our shitty decade can offer while those dark smoldering eyes gaze into yours.
and youre just standing there with tears streaming down your face and ruining the terrible makeup job you literally spent two hours doing yourself cause you cant deal with all the emotions your hormone ridden system is churning out.
it aint that bad yet.
but youre getting dangerously close.
still just wetting your panties over inconsequential shit in the end.
sit your ass back down and take a few puffs off your inhaler.

you seen it for yourself now okay.
dave got along just fine without me.
mighta even one upped me in the hero department.
hows that for high fuckin praise.

Comments

[rehashes]

What, did you expect something else? Even non-heroes gotta step up to the plate once in awhile.

[ yeah his alpha self is badass ]

[plushrumpus]

Kid, you're a Strider. I'd never expect anything less.

[rehashes]

[ AND THEN I REALIZED I HATE VERBAL casually retcons to text ]

yeah well good
the last thing we all want is one strider turning out to be an incredible waste of space that doesnt die in some completely asinine but infallibly cool way right
thatd just be goddamn unthinkable

[plushrumpus]

[GOSH

okay]

hey yknow what.
shut up for a second.
and think real hard if there was a single time any of your scrawny alternate asses died doing anything other than what you thought was the right thing to fuckin do.
i dare you to look me right in the eye and say yes.

[rehashes]

you know as good as i do that looking each other in the eye causes shit within a ten foot radius of us to start exploding
dont try and pull a fast one on me

[plushrumpus]

you think i give a shit.
because i know you dont.

[turntechgodkid]

Oh yeah hows that
I mean Im pretty much the expert on getting myself killed pointlessly
Im the guy the UN calls in when they need someone to make a thirty point agenda on how to die like a bitch in some kind of bullshit last stand
Though you probably already knew that
Let me guess
Youre the kid

[plushrumpus]

not quite.
the kid as you call him is version two point oh.
im the original.
or the prototype.
depends on how big of an asshole you wanna be about it.

[turntechgodkid]

Oh
Well I think its more or less safe to say at this point that Im only an asshole about the size of the moon compared to say
Almost anyone else still living on the planet
Never thought Id live to see the day when Id get sick of rampant assholery
Oh wait
I didnt

[plushrumpus]

yeah nothin against your earth or anything.
any universe that gets that big a dose of strider swag should really get an automatic seel of aprovoal complete with choppy gold jpeg artifact embossing.
hand stitched by yours truly onto the perfectly rounded globe of one smuppet asscheek.
we could have mounted it on a big glittery trophy base and vacuum sealed it in bulletproof glass to preserve it so even mini me will be able to admire it once he finally comes crashing in on a wayward meteor.
but to be honest it kinda sounds like a piece of shit place to live.

[turntechgodkid]

Thatd make one damn fine centerpiece for that museum I set up
The fucking federal emblem of irony
When kid yous old enough maybe hell bust it out of there like a rite of passage
Mazel tov son today youre a man
Now stop reenacting National Treasure that movie is shit
Did they have National Treasure on your earth or was it actually a hospitable planet for any creature with a brain cortex

[plushrumpus]

hey i never said my earth wasnt also a piece of shit place to live.
its just marginally less of a piece of shit place to live.
far as i know we didnt have any batfuck insane fish alien infestations to deal with.
it kind of got blasted the hell out of by an shitload and a half of giant space rocks though.
so no.
not really.

Whoops, I made a big kid account

[upstartcrow]

Damn
Is the coffee better at least
By the time Lalonde and I were old enough to appreciate the lifesaving properties of a cup of battery acid they were already making it out of grubsauce or whatever
Because nothing appeals to batfuck fish aliens like the modest proposal of scarfing down their own babies

excellent

[plushrumpus]

yeah.
if you get the expensive shit anyway.

[upstartcrow]

You know despite being a multibillionaire media emperor and all
Like seriously if you flipped Donald Trump Bill Gates and JK Rowling and shook them down for pocket change all youd come up with is my lunch money and a little lint
Despite that the only extravagant taste I ever developed was one for ironic vandalism
Which I guess is fine
Leaves more for diapers
Have you seen how much Huggies cost I mean thats goddamn price gouging on an unprotected populace

[little_cal]

Yeah my mun is pretty involved too.

Even had Abraham Lincoln give the Alpha Dave some praise.

Hope that didn't go to his head.

[plushrumpus]

Dunno, man. Endorsements from beloved dead presidents rank pretty high on the scale of ego boosts.

[little_cal]

Not to mention vampire hunting dead presidents.

[plushrumpus]

Men like him really just don't exist anymore. [He just shakes his head.] It's a damn shame.

[little_cal]

Yeah, after that incident with ICP in the little you's universe he looked homicidal.

I just sort of kept my distance. You couldn't exactly sew a limb back onto me if he took liberties with that axe.

[plushrumpus]

Good call. Being all fleshy kinda has its drawbacks like that.

{Speaking of which, he can't help but give Cal a good look-over.]

How's that workin' for you, by the way?

[little_cal]

Pretty good.

Really the worst thing is having Dave flip the hell out every time I meet a new one.

[plushrumpus]

Yeah, I can see why that might be.

[Is that the corner of his mouth quirking upward in a faint grin?]

I wouldn't worry too much about that. It's a good look for you, man.

[little_cal]

Thanks. Though I think I would look less creepy to Dave if I actually looked his age.

[mechanicalmastermind]

Be careful. If you say it too loudly he just might hear you.