definitely not going to dramadramaduck ever.

[espy]

Yes, that's enough, the giggling is quite unnecessary.

Don't even know if you're going to follow through with it yet, do we? Oh, but that's the fun part, we do, you've got a record. Boring, terribly boring, there's only two possible outcomes, but judging by your record, if you do follow through, it's not going to end well. The other one? Well, you'll say you will and then you won't, of course. It's all right there in your history. No, I didn't do my fancy detective trick - don't call it a trick, it cheapens me - because I didn't need to because it's obvious.

Now either do something useful or don't do anything at all. Ah, you've already got the latter covered. Excellent.

—Kind? Don't be ridiculous, why would I be kind?

Comments

[usedreturn]

You have a fancy detective trick?

[espy]

It's not a trick, and I wouldn't call it fancy. She would, because she's a simpleton. It's observation and common sense, which an alarming number of people seem to be lacking in lately, not lately, really, all the time, and this number of people unfortunately includes her.

[usedreturn]

Oh, common sense. Right, yes, not a lot of people out and about using that these days. Shame, people are brilliant when they manage to put their minds to it.

[espy]

People are brilliant? Please. Some people. A good deal of people who are capable and just waste their energy on their pointless, mundane little lives, yes, but just as many who couldn't even if you wrote them an instruction manual on how to actually utilise their brains, if not more.

[usedreturn]

Pointless? Oh, I don't know if I'd call any of them pointless. Not very bright most of the time, no, but no one's pointless.

You're not really the optimistic type, are you? No, shut up, I already know. You're stuck in that boring 'humans are all boring and I'm not' sort of mentality. Boring. Been there, done that, wrote the book. Except I didn't, I have better things to do than sit around writing a book.

[espy]

You might find that more of them are pointless than you think.

[wow did he just get told to shut up??? r u d e.]

Humans? All boring? No. No, not at all, never that. Some of them are hideously boring, yes, but I do my best to avoid those ones entirely, and good Lord, there are a lot of them, it'd almost be depressing if I cared about that fraction of people at all. But humans have such a potential to be interesting, you see. I wouldn't bother being a detective if I thought the people I was investigated were boring. What kind of tedious lifestyle would that be?

[usedreturn]

Oh, I think I might have a bit more perspective on the situation than you. If 'a bit' was somehow redefined to mean 'quite a large amount thank you very much'.

I don't think I've ever, ever met a single human I could ever call 'boring'. Irritating, yes, annoying, definitely, but not boring. Some detective you are, if you can see the potential but nothing else.

[espy]

But since, as far as I know, it hasn't been redefined to mean anything like that, you may as well have just skipped to the point and said it outright - no, that wouldn't have been as fun, would it?

[so??? offended??????? sir i will slap you right in your face.]

I've seen them realise that potential plenty of times. What do you think a murderer is? That's interesting. I'd go so far as to say most of the victims in those cases are interesting in some way; they must be, musn't they? Interesting in some way, to warrant being murdered by an interesting person.

[usedreturn]

[look how much i care sherlock]

[the negative amount of care i have would punch a hole in the fabric of time]

Oh, now I know you're just a sad little pessimist.

[espy]

Really. And what about you? Happy little optimist, always seeing the good in people? Please. I'm a realist.

[but there's definitely something wrong here, because he looks at him and he can't pinpoint... anything. there are little things that should make sense, of course, but they contradict - virtually spotless and unkempt at the same time. he's almost an impossibility. which, of course, is impossible in itself, so it just means that something's missing.]

[usedreturn]

'Optimist' is really not the word at all. I choose to see things as I see them, and how I see them is really quite interesting. People with all their potential accomplishing so much with short little lives, it's brilliant.

...oh, look, I think you're getting it. Because look at me, look at my eyes, you're difficult but you're smart and you can see something is not quite right about me. Can't you?

[espy]

And the people that accomplish nothing with their short little lives? I imagine they're brilliant too, in their own special little ways. [how about that biting sarcasm today.]

Of course I can, now what is it.

[usedreturn]

Oh, come on. You said you were a detective, where's the fun in just asking for the answer?

[espy]

Don't goad me.

[but he's taking that challenge, because he's looking and it's clear that he is, he's studying intently. he's never had to take other worlds and their wider range of possibilities into account before, but what kind of detective would he be if he didn't even make an attempt? the clothes, at least, are simple; old-fashioned and outdated on a young-looking man but clearly new, spotless just like everything else, the style of them alone either suggests something about his taste or it could be that he's much older than he looks - given the cryptic remarks about perspective and the way he talks about humans as if he's not one of them, sherlock is willing to bet on the latter.

it's a start, isn't it.]

You're old. It's the clothes that give you away, notably an ancient fashion, out of place on a man who looks as youthful as you do, and they're clean in a way that only comes from them being new; it could be a reflection of your taste but it's not, certainly not coupled with the way you speak, you're not terribly covert about it, it's obvious you don't care much about hiding it, possibly you don't see a reason to. Judging by the way you act, I'd also say that you've an exceptionally long lifespan, and however old you are isn't unusual for whatever you might be.

So. How old are you?

[usedreturn]

...oh, you're good. You are very good.

[Kid in a candy store, this one.]

Nine hundred and seven.

[espy]

Stupid to do something if you're not good at it.

Nine hundred and seven. Well, then. Getting on in our years, are we? You'll forgive me if I don't bother trying to pin down precisely what you are, considering the tremendous range of possibilities at hand.

[usedreturn]

Time Lord, last of them. Didn't really expect you to get that one. Whole great big universe, picking one Time Lord out of a hat would be a tricky one mixed in with all the everything else.

[espy]

Last? How unfortunate.

[he's looking for things again, but there's nothing there. he said it flippantly, that's the only information there is, and it could mean any of a thousand things; he's not carrying anything on him that stands out as memorial, which could mean he's not particularly sentimental, could mean he doesn't care, could mean there was nothing left to keep - no, there are too many possibilities, this man is too vague and too mysterious, he can't get anything, this is frustrating.]

Got a name, Time Lord?

[usedreturn]

The Doctor.

[Isn't it just infuriating, Sherlock? How he just stands there and smiles like an idiot while not being remotely close to an idiot at all?]

[Of course it is. The Doctor's practically made a career out of being infuriating.]

And what about you?

[espy]

[oh, that makes him grin a little, briefly. the doctor. really. no one should enjoy being mysterious so much.]

Ah. I've got a doctor friend myself. [except he's not nearly this infuriating, or intelligent, or fascinating.] Sherlock Holmes. Nothing quite so unique as your little title, but I am the world's only consulting detective.

1/4 i am so sorry

[usedreturn]

Sh-

[usedreturn]

[really? Really? Was he serious?]

. . .

[Well I'll be a tapdancing Sailor Gallifrey in stilettos, he was serious.]

[usedreturn]

Sherlock Holmes.

[usedreturn]

You're Sherlock Holmes.

[espy]

[okay, that reaction makes sense from normal people. it doesn't make sense from 900+ year old time lords from other universes and now sherlock is confused and oh my god he hates being confused about stupid simple things.]

... Either I'm missing something, or John's blog has managed to cross time and space in its ridiculous popularity, in which case I'm sure he'll be over the Moon, how do you know who I am?