definitely not going to dramadramaduck ever.

[espy]

Yes, that's enough, the giggling is quite unnecessary.

Don't even know if you're going to follow through with it yet, do we? Oh, but that's the fun part, we do, you've got a record. Boring, terribly boring, there's only two possible outcomes, but judging by your record, if you do follow through, it's not going to end well. The other one? Well, you'll say you will and then you won't, of course. It's all right there in your history. No, I didn't do my fancy detective trick - don't call it a trick, it cheapens me - because I didn't need to because it's obvious.

Now either do something useful or don't do anything at all. Ah, you've already got the latter covered. Excellent.

—Kind? Don't be ridiculous, why would I be kind?

Comments

[usedreturn]

Because you can't--look, if you're Holmes then I'm Poirot. It's just not possible, and I've seen a lot of 'not possible' things turning out to be quite possible.

Sherlock Holmes is fictional, and Victorian-era fictional at that. So really, you could have at least picked a more believable name. You don't look Victorian-era, and I've been quite a few times so I think I'd know.

[espy]

"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth." Really, I've been exposed to this multiple universes thing for all of a few hours and I'm ahead of you. Doctor, I'm disappointed. What you're talking about is an improbability, not an impossibility, you just haven't considered all of the facts yet, and haven't you ever heard of the mostly discarded theory of infinite alternate universes? Honestly. I've never heard of fiction by that name in my life, so either there is something here you're missing, or my mother was a particular fan of obscure literature and decided to name her sons Sherlock and Mycroft Holmes. I've got identification, if you'd like. For the both of us. Mycroft's cards are an excellent resource to hold onto.

So, last remaining Time Lord, big on time travel. Do you have a favourite year? [yeah he's still investigating fuck the police he's going to do this forever okay.]

[usedreturn]

Oh, I know a lot about parallel and alternate worlds. But fine, fine, let's say there's some world where someone named Sherlock Holmes is a detective with a brother named Mycroft. Let's say there's one in which a mechanic labored for years and years to perfect the science of animatronics solely to create a metallic horse that could leap wide chasms in a single bound all while trailing the entire spectrum of light behind it. Let's say there's one where a cat and a pastry got together to again trail the entire visible spectrum of light while singing. Fine. I've seen worse.

All of them. I only stop on the interesting days of every year, skip over all the boring ones. Get much more fun out of life that way.

[espy]

[he didn't get any of those references, so he... just assumes it's the doctor being a weirdo.]

Believe me, then? I can't say much about this fictional character considering that book doesn't exist to me, but I'm sure it's best to say don't expect any parallels between me and a fictional man by the same name, especially if it's from the Victorian era.

Good, that's a good plan. Spares you from hours of boredom, I'd imagine.