decided to finally drag in this kid

[hatejakku]

Why am I here? Why are we even here?

You said you had projects to do. You said you had to eat something. Why are we doing this?

Like, okay, no, seriously, I appreciate it. All right? Thanks for waking me up or whatever. It's great. It really is. Except I don't really want any part of what you're planning. I'd just like to find Rey or- or someone and-

I don't even know where we are! I only just met people that I actually like, and now I'm here! I don't even know where Ren is! I don't know anything!

... Why aren't you talking!?

[Finn's having a meltdown. He's fine.]

Comments

[dorkvader]

I get that a lot.

[hatejakku]

[That's probably not a good thing.]

So I can just wake up, right? And this- this won't be real. Right? I can just- just wake up. Yeah.

[dorkvader]

There is no escape.

[He may be more chill than his primary universe self, but he's still a Sith Lord and being ominous is just part of the job.]

Better get used to it.

[hatejakku]

[Wh-What?]

Well, I'm not staying here!

[He's feeling a little more brave around dream!Vader.]

[dorkvader]

[Don't get cocky kid. All that evil shit that the other Vader does, he's done too.]

What makes you think you have a choice?

[He's not sure if he's actually curious or annoyed.]

[hatejakku]

Well, I-

I'm still trying to wake up, okay?

[Because this isn't Vader. He refuses to believe that after speaking so horribly to him.]

[dorkvader]

Let me know how that works for you.

[The problem with thoroughly corrupted by the dark side and hopped up on caffeine, is that sometimes you don't even notice when you're using the force. Especially when you're annoyed. Like when he accidentally force-chokes people like Finn... or that guy who exploded.

That was terrible.

Do you know how hard it is to dry clean this cape?]

[hatejakku]

Well, I hope it'll-

[And did a guy just explode or did his mun read that wrong? Either way, Finn's stunned into silence.]

[dorkvader]

[That was a while ago... it's a long story. But it involves too much espresso and a deck officer who was being a smarmy ass. And his head exploded.

It was a mess.

He's not allowed to have double shots in his coffee anymore.]

Go on.

[Yeah, that's what he thought.]

[hatejakku]

[HE DOESN'T WANT TO GO ON. HE DOESN'T WANT TO DIE.]

Look, I-

I've had a really long week, and I'd really appreciate it, my uh Lord, if I could just... go... somewhere... now...

[dorkvader]

[See, there's that nice healthy fear that those beneath him should maintain.]

Young fool, the only thing keeping you here is...

[wait for it...

wait for it...

wait... just a little longer...] ... your mun.

[dunDUNdun!]

this is truly amazing

[hatejakku]

[No! That can't be true! That's impossible!]

[But anyway-]

She brought me here, but-...

Great. I'm stuck.

Again.

[dorkvader]

[Search your feelings Finn]

{Siiip]

Sucks to be you.