decided to finally drag in this kid

[hatejakku]

Why am I here? Why are we even here?

You said you had projects to do. You said you had to eat something. Why are we doing this?

Like, okay, no, seriously, I appreciate it. All right? Thanks for waking me up or whatever. It's great. It really is. Except I don't really want any part of what you're planning. I'd just like to find Rey or- or someone and-

I don't even know where we are! I only just met people that I actually like, and now I'm here! I don't even know where Ren is! I don't know anything!

... Why aren't you talking!?

[Finn's having a meltdown. He's fine.]

Comments

[dorkvader]

Take a deep breath and relax... your head is going to explode or something.

is that a star trek mug

[hatejakku]

[He heard the stories, seen the holos. Stormtroopers were taught that Vader was more of a God and Legend than a mere Sith Lord. He was beyond that, transcendental.]

[Which is why Finn let out a not so manly yelp and backpedaled as far as he could.]

[crapcrapcrapcrapCRAPCRAPCRAPCRAPCRAP]

It is! Meet Vader from Blue Milk Special

[dorkvader]

[Oh Finn, prepare to be disappointed.]

[Not that he doesn't appreciate the terror, but it's kind of hard to have a conversation when the other guy is scrambling for cover.]

What? Is there something on my mask?

[He'll take a sip of his latte and force lift Finn up off the ground so he can't escape. Plus, he loves that cartoon running in the air thing... that joke never gets old.]

good lord i love this fandom

[hatejakku]

[Is there something-]

[He's floating.]

[And TOTALLY not screaming, because he's gonnadiegonnadieohforcegonnadie]

Put me down! Put me down! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!

[Whatever it is, he didn't mean it.]

Such a great fandom

[dorkvader]

Apology accepted.

[He'll set Finn down. He can always pick him back up or force choke him or something if tries to escape again.]

You gotta' cut down on the caffeine.

[hatejakku]

[Please don't force choke him. He'll probably die from the shock of it alone.]

[Either way, he still falls to his knees, feeling horribly helpless right now. And confused. Extremely confused. This was Darth Vader? Telling him to cut out caffeine?]

... O-Okay.

Um. You're- Are you-

[Would that be insulting to ask? He'll just shut up instead.]

[dorkvader]

...
...
... what?

[Awesome? Terrifying? The coolest thing you've ever seen?]

[hatejakku]

[He's totally not still floating. I don't know why I typed that.]

Are you... Lord Vader?

[Yeah, make it sound a little better. That'll help.]

[drunk_ish]

You're saying you never procrastinated in your stormtrooper duties?

[hatejakku]

No!

[And he can honestly say that because he's so offended before he even thinks about what he's saying.]

I'm not a stormtrooper, anyway!

[Foot, meet mouth.]

[drunk_ish]

Well, that would be why I used the past tense.

[genie_lady]

[Giggling at his meltdown, Jeannie sits on a ledge nearby looking down on him. His flailing was to watch.]

[hatejakku]

I never was a-!

Who are you?

[drunk_ish]

Someone who used to be worse than that. In the Empire. Hello.

Sinjir Rath Velus. Ex-loyalty officer.

[hatejakku]

[She startles him, just showing up out of the blue like that, giggling at his existential crisis.]

[He doesn't want to be rude, per se, but he doesn't know what her intentions are either.]

[So he stares at her. Slightly terrified, but putting on a show of not being terrified.]

[WHAT?]

[hatejakku]

[jsadfjsdlhfsdufoiewngsklds]

You're lying.

[drunk_ish]

About which part?

[genie_lady]

[Pffft that stern face just sets her off again, bubbling over with holding in her laughter.] Did you ever hear sahib if you keep your face like that, it will stay that way?

[dorkvader]

(lol, it wouldn't be the first time he forgot to put someone back down.)

Dark Lord of the Sith. Yup.

[sip. Behold the majesty and tremble in fear.]

[hatejakku]

[He's blinking. Hold on. Finn had expected... well...]

I'm dreaming. This is a fever dream.

[hatejakku]

Why would an officer defect from the Empire?

[You are LYING. And you are going to DRAG HIM BACK. And he has nothing to SHOOT YOU WITH.]

[hatejakku]

... Who?

... Never mind, who are you?

[genie_lady]

I am Jeannie.

[She hops down easily, folding her arms on each other and bowing to him. Keeping her mischievous eyes on him.]

[dorkvader]

I get that a lot.

[drunk_ish]

The second Death Star blew up and I panicked.

[ This is stated somewhat flatly and emotionlessly. The sort of 'emotionless' that means the very-significant emotion involved is being ruthlessly suppressed. ]