All that grew inside me was a darkness I acquired...

[whitescalesbigmouth]

...Do you have to think about that kind of stuff?!

I'm over that whole phase okay!? I've put her behind me and I am definitely over everything that happened when I decided to join up with those psychos.

Just let me deal with it okay?! I did a bunch of stupid unforgivable stuff when I was her so just..let me take this time to get over it and make up for everything I did.

Comments

[throughthenever]

Are you sure you can, "Just get over it"?

[whitescalesbigmouth]

[Okay, new person... Better be wary.]

The way you're talking - Makes it sound like you knew what I did.

[throughthenever]

[Just because he's a pill popper, doesn't mean you need to use stranger-danger.]

No, not really, just wondering what you think.

[whitescalesbigmouth]

[It was stranger-danger that got her in this mess to begin with.]..Okay, then how do you get over traumatising events that includes being manipulated to wanting to harm a close friend you almost consider to be some sort of weird father figure to you, shooting innocent people and basically just losing your mind because no matter what you do you wind up hurting people you give a damn about?

[throughthenever]

Listening to music generally helps.

[whitescalesbigmouth]

What if I'm in an environment where listening to music isn't something I can do without probably irritating everyone else.

[imthe_shit]

You never really get over it.

[ Leaning against a wall, cigarette in his mouth. ]

[whitescalesbigmouth]

...There's ways to take the edge off though, right?

I'm not saying it's an easy fix or anything but isn't this supposed to get easier after a while?

[Not really in the mood to look on over to him right now. But hey at least she's attempting to still talk to him.]

[imthe_shit]

[ He still has night terrors of the day he burned his commander (and father) alive. Not to mention all the other stuff piled on, he never really has pleasant dreams anymore. ]

I smoke. It takes my mind off of all the shit for a while... But why do you think some soldiers never get used to civilian life again? They've seen things that other people just don't or ever will. And it tears them up inside because no one understands, even when they say they do.

And nothing can help. That's the life we lead.

[whitescalesbigmouth]

I'm no soldier, never have been.

I'm just a stupid kid.

Always will be.

[imthe_shit]

[ He can't help but smirk at that, sounds like words he'd tell Meryl, as if to excuse himself. ]

Better to be a stupid kid then a soldier.

A stupid kid can learn something and grow up, but a soldier only knows how to do one thing.

[immortalrose]

[ It's truly not often that he would appear out of this bleak abyss to speak with someone. Especially since Augustine has himself convinced that his presence in any realm is synonymous with misfortune. However he makes his appearance now out of mild concern for a familiar face he crossed path with briefly in times before. ]

...The first path to inner peace is forgiving thy self.

[whitescalesbigmouth]

Augustine....

I'm sorry I just--

I try so hard to keep from the wrong path and yet it keeps happening. No matter how hard I try and fight it there's a darkness in me like there was in my father.

[She looks to the floor and sighs.] I'm not the person I wanted to be.

[immortalrose]

[ He frowns somewhat.

'The sins of the father are to be laid upon the children.' Shakespeare certainly said that best. It pains him to see Saft's confidence shaken like this. He doesn't want to imagine what transpired to force Saft into such a dire state. All he needs to know is standing right before him.

The girl's confidence in herself is shattered. ]

None of us are. [ He states calmly. ] Though we still strive to better ourselves.

[whitescalesbigmouth]

...Yeah well it's exactly that, that got me here.

[She folds her arms and sulks to herself whilst turning away from him. She really doesn't want to confess to hat she did - She can't even lie and say she was under some weird mind control or something, everything she had done, she had done it all by her own choice and by her own hands too.

She sighs and clings to the fabric of her shirt feeling utterly miserable with herself. This is probably the worse thing she's ever felt.]

[immortalrose]

[ A slight sigh escapes him.

He expected for Saft to turn away from him like a petulant child. Despite how old the girl truly is, she still behaves much like a youngster. ]

Now, now. [ Augustine inches over towards her cautiously. ] There's no need to act like that. I'm not here to scorn you.

[tortureshow]

You can't be over everything that happened... After all, you're still making quite a fuss over it, even though it's been almost two years.

[whitescalesbigmouth]

[Well no, there are some things unfortunately she'll never be completely over despite how much she says she says she is. One of them being Ocelot's overall presence.]

And you're back here with to remind me of that, why?

You're the last person I need input from over about the situation.

[tortureshow]

Come now, we're old friends, aren't we?

I kept you fed and clothed when you came to stay with us. You can't act like I've been cruel. I taught you how to survive, to grow strong.

Am I really so bad after all?

[whitescalesbigmouth]

All for your own gain, not mine.

[Another scowl.]

What part of 'stay out of my life' is the difficult part to understand, Ocelot?

[tortureshow]

What are you going to do about it, Dragon?

[ His grin widens. ]

[whitescalesbigmouth]

She wasn't exactly someone to idolise.

[whitescalesbigmouth]

...I'll deal with it when I know what to do. Look it's not been easy for me but I don't know what else I can do.

My current circumstances are messed up enough as they are.