I'm not vain I'm just... O.K., I'm vain

[grimbiker]

Dear Mun,

Congratulations on finally settling on a— what do you call them? PBs? Whatever the guy in the tiny Muggle pictures is called. But I’m afraid you need to find another one. There are several problems with this one but I will address the most important: He’s simply not sexy enough. I know the Muggle interwebs is not ready for what I really look like. The sight of a man even half as sexy as I would break it. But you can still find a more accurate PB. So take these picture things down and go back to looking for a suitable PB.

Sincerely,
Sirius Black

Comments

Steve would say "cry moar" if he knew the lingo

[exloserspromise]

You're seriously complaining because your mun didn't get little pictures that look like you?

[grimbiker]

No, I'm complaining that she didn't get pictures of someone who looked sexy enough to represent me. It's an important difference. A man has to look out for his reputation.

[exloserspromise]

A reputation that shallow isn't worth looking out for.

[grimbiker]

Ooh, I felt something inside. That might actually have hurt. Oh no, wait. That's laughter.

It sounds like someone's jealous.

[exloserspromise]

What's there to be jealous of? I had my own comic book series and did my part in the war; even when my looks fade I'll have plenty of things to keep my reputation up. Can you say the same?

[grimbiker]

Can't meet you on the comic book part but I can on the war. And I looked damn good for every minute of it.

Your move.

[exloserspromise]

I was essentially dead for nearly seventy years and kids are still dressing up as me every Halloween.

[And the History Channel airs all their Captain America specials on Independence Day, but Steve doesn't think that's relevant.]

Why do I not have my Remus account here yet?

[morewidows]

Oh, I wouldn't be so harsh on your mundane, dear. You look quite ravishing as you are.

That's the beauty of open invites: it's never too late. Also OMG Morticia

[grimbiker]

I still think there's room for improvement but thanks. You're not too bad yourself. I'm guessing.

Yes, tomorrow I will transfer so much more. All the Morticia for you, Padfoot :)

[morewidows]

[She smiles slightly, red lips hidden in shadow, the light only across her eyes.]

Guessing? Are you having issues seeing properly, dear?

And there's always room for improvement, in most cases. It doesn't matter, however, as long as one is confident and contented with one as one is.

[Not many people would think Gomez was the hottest thing on the planet, after all, but Morticia had eyes for him and him alone.

That were still in her head, at least.]

Re: Yes, tomorrow I will transfer so much more. All the Morticia for you, Padfoot :)

[grimbiker]

Oh no, I can see you just fine. You're just not my type, if you know what I mean.

[He laughs.]

Confidence has never been an issue for me. I'm perfectly happy with the way I am. But there are certain standards that need to be met for me to be satisfied with which PB my mun chooses and so far I have yet to be impressed.

[He slouches some, like he's sulking. Which he totally is.]

But I don't expect I will be. This time I might have to settle.

[[OOC: O.K., I don't know how that tag messed up. Trying again, sorry. Work, comment!]]

[morewidows]

[Because she reminds him of Bellatrix, perhaps?]

That's very kind of you, dear. My looks are not something I worry over, simply because my husband and I care for each other on a level that surpasses anything related to it.

[She inclines her head, but only just so.]

If you truly believe there is no one to match your exceptional handsome looks, why be surprised you have to, as you say, "settle"?

[ooc. it's okay!]

[grimbiker]

[Well, that too.]

Ah, then he's a lucky man.

And I'm not surprised but I see no harm in holding out for a better deal. It usually works.

Have an AU Spidey who's in Hufflepuff.

[badgering]

Wow? Big ego much?

[grimbiker]

No, I simply see no point in being humble when it comes to the obvious.

[badgering]

You were sorted into Gryffindor, weren't you?

[grimbiker]

What's that got to do with anything?

[badgering]

Nothing. Just commenting on a trend.

[grimbiker]

Really? Did you even go to Hogwarts because I don't recall a house for the lazy and unobservant. It looks like they need one.

[wildesque]

Black, I must commend you. I have never witnessed more obnoxious behavior than the entire conversation that just ensued with that blond American. You know, I've heard it alleged that you have one or two shallowly redeeming aspects to your personality, but I think you must have left them at home today. Outstanding.

[grimbiker]

And you don't even have a hint of any redeeming qualities whatsoever, Rosier. Say hello to your master for me and tell him to take a flying leap off the nearest cliff. Do be a nice servant and join him.

[wildesque]

I think one might be that I've never tried to compare tragedyangstcocks with a muscular Yank. But that was a really sharp rejoinder just now, Sirius. Kind of cute, if you like petulant manchildren.

He's in a raaaage

[grimbiker]

It's called bonding, moron. Not that you'd ever know what sympathy is.

I'll show you petulant manchild you bigoted bastard. Do you have your wand? Unlike some people I have honor and would hate to blow an unarmed man apart. Although since it's you I could get over it.

:'C

[wildesque]

That may have been the turn it took, but it started out two morons comparing the size of their self-pity boners. Wouldn't be the first time, eh?

Come, now, Sirius, this is a metaplace; duels don't even count here. Surely you understand that much.

[grimbiker]

He started it by challenging my reputation. [Says the apparent ten year old.]

Doesn't matter to me. [By which he means that he actually didn't know that, having to get used to so many new things and multiverses.] It won't stop me from hexing you. Your face is so ugly you might even come out of it looking better when I'm through with you.