rofl In which the muse's mind can be a disturbing place sometimes

[nolifeemperor]

[And there he sits on his throne, the immortal vampire and No Life King, Alucard. Staring at his mun with his infernal eyes that glow in the darkness of the basement that lies beneath his Master's Manor. For a monster who claims he is the true vampire that feast upon the blood, flesh, and souls of the living, he is enslaven by the seals and magical bonds placed upon by the Man who Defeated him. Proof of his metaphysical leash is shown in the alchemy sigils inscribed on his white gloves that bounded him with several restrictions like a dog to a pole.

And yet, he smiles. Placidly. Calmly. When he grins, baring his teeth, his sharp fangs shows.]


Oh mun, mun, clearly you're a scatter-brain! Perhaps, we need to refresh our agenda and goals of the jobs that ought to get done, hmmmm~? Everything will be done in due time, so have patience. Come closer, let's get in touch with me, your muse of the night, before the pen rests by the end of day and my voice hoarse and parched from thirst. Let's sort out my sincere intentions for the future events that is about to unravel. Let's be a little naughty before Master find this~.

Ahem.

[And he flips on the radio, the music is playing to the tune of the song, "Like a Boss!"]

Get more sleep and start sleeping early at 6am (which unfortunately muse and mun are hardly doing...)

Wake up early! From 4pm, I ought to wake up at 3pm from now on (ultimate failure)

Be a creeper Sneak up on Master before she wakes up at 7am (do you this daily before you sleep in your coffin, Alucard...?)

Brood profoundly (you ought to get out of the basement more and take an enthusiastic walk through the woods)

Get an apron and learn how to cook (Alucard, the gun is not a cooking untensil)

Do the laundry (know the difference between the detergent and the bleach, Alucard?)

Clean the coffin

Load my guns

Attend a tournament

Fight the gladiators

Win some prizes

Impress the girl Master

Burn the Helsing's manor to rid of the evidence

Buy a tuxedo

Get a bouquet of red roses

Attend a wedding

Shoot 300+ wedding guests randomly and commit homicide

Create confusion and havoc

Rampage and raging while destroying Church property

Kill the groom (the Major)

Kill the groom's minions (whoever is in the Millenium group)

Save the bride (Integra)

Get the bride girl Master

Make our escape

Become criminal fugitives by the Church

Get Wanted, dead or alive by the Church - preferrably dead

Scorn religion

Get to Britain

Get Master a new house

Make Master her sandwich

Disturbing? This is completely normal to my integrity and character, I assure you! So there. As you can see, I am busy being a very bad Monster~. Do we understand the tasks and each other now? Be off with you now and good night~

Comments

[integra_hellsing]

My sandwich wishes will not be coming true, then, it would seem. I am NOT ordering you to make me one.

[nolifeemperor]

[He's only making fun of her because of the restriction seals placed upon him. Whenever he asks for an order, she becomes the butt of his jokes. His arrogant grin is still plastered on his face.]

I'm only teasing you~. I shall go make one promptly in due haste.

[integra_hellsing]

That's more like it.

[nolifeemperor]

I don't like to befoul my Master's mood~.

[Which he already did. Stupid vampire. And in no-time, tadah! He's make a mean sandwich to rival that of Subways.

Eat fresh, Integra~.]

[integra_hellsing]

Because that's so believable.

[ Your new name is Jared, Alucard. Also, she'll just go about nomming on that sammich now.

You truly are her bitch. <3 ]

[nolifeemperor]

[asdghjkl noooo. Goddammit, I blame your grandfather. If I haven't chase that resplendent woman...

Yeah, and you can see the collar around his neck with her name on it.

But to tell the truth, he enjoys making it. He joins her by drinking his blood packet.]

[integra_hellsing]

[ Hey, man. Not my problem. Besides, you enjoy being my bitch and you know it. At least I haven't locked you in the basement.

Thusly, her sammich is completely nommed. ]

Somehow, I doubt my grandfather had you making him sandwiches.

[nolifeemperor]

Your grandfather, he...

[Leering at her.]

He's rather cruel.

[And let's it at that.]

[integra_hellsing]

So you've told me.

[ Yes, you've been an inherited bitch, at that. Well. At least she doesn't experiment on you, or make you take the form of a little girl, or lock you away.

...Now that she thinks about it, you have it pretty good for a slave. ]

[nolifeemperor]

[Well, yeah. A lot of version of me or you would be moaning and bitching for the lack of the other.

I would say this bitchin' slave got it good.

...what you wrote shouldn't turn on the muse so much. Still, I digress back to the topic.]

Uh-huh.

So, does my list of agendas up there looks good so far?

[integra_hellsing]

That's actually quite a bit you've got there. Can even you, the infamous No Life King, handle all of that?

[nolifeemperor]

Well, we don't have the butler or the police girl in our game. I might as well do both to make up for the shortage in the Hellsing castmates and staff.

[integra_hellsing]

Hn. That ridiculous Major has most of his goons, and yet we do not even have a Seras. This doesn't bode well... however, we've been fine on our own before. We'll do it again.

Hn, as for agendas, I have one of my own that is quite long as well.

[nolifeemperor]

Most of his goons are pretty useless and can't do anything, but talk too much. [Useless as in, they're just meatbags for him to pound and destroy in the end. Boring! Well, boring in his opinion.]

Mun find the lack of Seras amusing, actually.

[integra_hellsing]

Hn.

Mine isn't sure, honestly. She's quite fond of the Police Girl.

[nolifeemperor]

Amusing as in, our story is like a prequel to this fabulous book before Seras, who is still a human, show up and got caught by that idiot priest.

But I would love a Seras too, hn. Which is why I'm updating my agenda here.

[integra_hellsing]

I don't think you're going to be able to pull all of this off, Count.

[nolifeemperor]

Yes, I can. This agenda is the course over the past month. I'm not doing it all in one day. That's ludicrous!

[integra_hellsing]

I still don't think you can do it.

[nolifeemperor]

[Tersely. He sees this as a challenge. It's on guuurl.]

I found my Master's faith in my skills very disturbing~. Which one you think I can't do, then?

[integra_hellsing]

All of them, save for the ones that include your guns and mass murder.

[ So there. ]

[nolifeemperor]

[*coughs* Lack of faith. Excuse the typo up there.

Way to hit below the belt. Only you, Master.

Still determined.]

Let's make a bet.

[Wanna play with the tame devil here, even for a moment?]

[integra_hellsing]

That depends on the bet.

[ Challenge accepted, Vampire. ]

[nolifeemperor]

[Since money is pretty worthless to the vampire...

Oh, this is going to be delicious. Grinning.]

Give me a few task to do that I can settle in one day and I am able to do it from the afternoon until sundown...say 3 to 5 pm...that's two hours...

[His grin widens, smirking.]

I want to see you run around your own Manor. I won't tell you how many laps you should run unless I win.

[integra_hellsing]

Fine. If you can get half of that ridiculous list of yours done within that time slot, I will gladly run around the manor.

However, if you can't, my conditions are quite simple.

[ She smiles. ]

I want to see you in my wedding gown, in the very form you are in now, running down the street yelling unto the world 'I am normal'.