rofl In which the muse's mind can be a disturbing place sometimes

[nolifeemperor]

[And there he sits on his throne, the immortal vampire and No Life King, Alucard. Staring at his mun with his infernal eyes that glow in the darkness of the basement that lies beneath his Master's Manor. For a monster who claims he is the true vampire that feast upon the blood, flesh, and souls of the living, he is enslaven by the seals and magical bonds placed upon by the Man who Defeated him. Proof of his metaphysical leash is shown in the alchemy sigils inscribed on his white gloves that bounded him with several restrictions like a dog to a pole.

And yet, he smiles. Placidly. Calmly. When he grins, baring his teeth, his sharp fangs shows.]


Oh mun, mun, clearly you're a scatter-brain! Perhaps, we need to refresh our agenda and goals of the jobs that ought to get done, hmmmm~? Everything will be done in due time, so have patience. Come closer, let's get in touch with me, your muse of the night, before the pen rests by the end of day and my voice hoarse and parched from thirst. Let's sort out my sincere intentions for the future events that is about to unravel. Let's be a little naughty before Master find this~.

Ahem.

[And he flips on the radio, the music is playing to the tune of the song, "Like a Boss!"]

Get more sleep and start sleeping early at 6am (which unfortunately muse and mun are hardly doing...)

Wake up early! From 4pm, I ought to wake up at 3pm from now on (ultimate failure)

Be a creeper Sneak up on Master before she wakes up at 7am (do you this daily before you sleep in your coffin, Alucard...?)

Brood profoundly (you ought to get out of the basement more and take an enthusiastic walk through the woods)

Get an apron and learn how to cook (Alucard, the gun is not a cooking untensil)

Do the laundry (know the difference between the detergent and the bleach, Alucard?)

Clean the coffin

Load my guns

Attend a tournament

Fight the gladiators

Win some prizes

Impress the girl Master

Burn the Helsing's manor to rid of the evidence

Buy a tuxedo

Get a bouquet of red roses

Attend a wedding

Shoot 300+ wedding guests randomly and commit homicide

Create confusion and havoc

Rampage and raging while destroying Church property

Kill the groom (the Major)

Kill the groom's minions (whoever is in the Millenium group)

Save the bride (Integra)

Get the bride girl Master

Make our escape

Become criminal fugitives by the Church

Get Wanted, dead or alive by the Church - preferrably dead

Scorn religion

Get to Britain

Get Master a new house

Make Master her sandwich

Disturbing? This is completely normal to my integrity and character, I assure you! So there. As you can see, I am busy being a very bad Monster~. Do we understand the tasks and each other now? Be off with you now and good night~

Comments

[integra_hellsing]

Speaking of sandwiches, your Master requires one promptly, if you would, Alucard.

[nolifeemperor]

[Speaking above the music that is blasting from the radio.]

I need an official order from you in order to make your wishes to become a reality, my dear Master ~.

[integra_hellsing]

My sandwich wishes will not be coming true, then, it would seem. I am NOT ordering you to make me one.

[nolifeemperor]

[He's only making fun of her because of the restriction seals placed upon him. Whenever he asks for an order, she becomes the butt of his jokes. His arrogant grin is still plastered on his face.]

I'm only teasing you~. I shall go make one promptly in due haste.

[integra_hellsing]

That's more like it.

[nolifeemperor]

I don't like to befoul my Master's mood~.

[Which he already did. Stupid vampire. And in no-time, tadah! He's make a mean sandwich to rival that of Subways.

Eat fresh, Integra~.]

[got_big_guns]

Ah..... Master.

*squeeze cheeks* ♥

[nolifeemperor]

[Papa!Card couldn't be anymore happier to see his fledging and heir to his powers.]

Good evening, police girl. What brings you to me, tonight?

[got_big_guns]

It- I have not seen you, Master, f-for some time. I mean, you... are not where Sir Integra and I a-are...

[nolifeemperor]

[Blinking. Sounding concerned for his vampire daughter. Being from an AU, he's a tame vampire who actually cares...despite being a jerk sometimes.]

Nor you're in mine. Tell me, what happened to you...? What's up? Would you like a drink...?

~<3

[got_big_guns]

Ah. ... I... was k-k-kidnapped? Uh, and, b-b-brought to an island...

[But... drink...?]

[nolifeemperor]

By who? Did you kill them? You're a vampire, are you not?

[At that, he brings out a medical blood bag with blood type AB+ on it and offers it to her.]

You look paler than usual. Are you eating right?

[Because Papa!Card can get worried sometimes.]

[sir_hellsing]

A very detailed list, if messily arranged.

What sort of guests are these, that they deserve to be slaughtered like cattle?

[This Master hails from the end of the OVA, a veteran of the night's war that leveled London...and who now happens to be a Jedi Knight of the Old Republic. Funny how things work out.]

[nolifeemperor]

[Oh ho~ Another Integra? And she looks older too. You certainly caught the Monster's admirable attention. Alucard turns off the radio and begins to circle her around. A mischievous glint in his eyes - both curious, predator.]

Mea Contesa~ Esti o bunica fierbinte~. [He spoke with a pleasant roll in his baritone voice. Translation: My Countess. You're one hot grandma.]

Most of them are the Church's lowest cronies and elite underground nobles invited by the Major himself. He and my Master are to be married, arranged by dirty means of politics.

My only intention to clean up the trash of the Church. I am only Helsing's most humbled red collared janitor~.

[sir_hellsing]

[Oh, she's not yet made it to the Epilogue, but she is certainly older than most of her doppelgangers. Integra scoffs at his compliment, her hands on her waist. The Jedi raiment suits her well, for all that it is a very different look on her. When in Rome...]

Uita-te la limba ta, Printul Tepes. [Watch your language.

The accent is a little clipped, but passable. She arches a brow at Alucard.]

So it's happening very soon then. My mun made mention of it in passing once before.

What is it the Major hopes to accomplish with this gambit? Sir Hellsing must know that bloodshed is what he wishes.

[nolifeemperor]

[Hnnngh, nobody calls him that in so long. What a saucy lady. He's only joking around. But by her request, he'll behave. She's so beautiful when she's older.]

It's coming close by next month, once I get most of the agendas done.

[His eyes glow red like hot coals.]

To cause war and unrest throughout the kingdoms. My attack and ambush is the signal and catalyst for him to spark the flames of war.

Alas, I'm quite short-handed. It was only me and my Master. We're the only two members of our faction and organization, Hellsing.

[See, when he behaves, he talks respectfully! But he doesn't seemed remotely worried.]

[sir_hellsing]

[She wouldn't expect him to be worried, he loves a fight as much as he does the sound of his own voice. Integra considers him, narrowing her good eye at the vampire.]

Simple mariticide would do. A loaded pistol in the honeymoon suite would take care of her problems rather efficiently.

[nolifeemperor]

That would be less dramatic! And that would be time-consuming. By then, the Major would gather more of his men and fortified the honeymoon suite, thus more killing to the innocent people who are using the hotel.

Besides, by attacking on the Church's ground, I can destroy their property and unsettle the members, thus creating a symbolic revolt. It would also help my Master's church membership be revoked, so she can serve the British empire once more.

[Smiling at her curious Jedi get-up.]

And what of you? Hm? How do you hold up your end?

[topsdracula]

[Memo to herself: confiscate his radio immediately.]

Your stealth is clearly outstanding, Alucard. [Dryly.] Is there any particular reason why your Master would approve of arbitrary murder in a wedding ceremony?

[nolifeemperor]

[Yes, do so. The music is horrid. He would protest if she did though.]

It was a political arranged marriage to the Major and most of the wedding guests would be the vampire freaks of his last battalion wearing civilian clothes. If you get married to him, then the nobles would expect you to produce an heir.

And that would pose a problem to me.

[topsdracula]

It must have been a bloody nightmare. Setting aside that nobody has the bad sense to arrange my supposed marriage. How could a high profile member of the aristocracy be expected to wed a filthy terrorist? Rubbish.

[nolifeemperor]

Indeed! Imagine! If those misshapen children are born, then they would do their Nazi routine day in and day out, taken after their father. I have to obey the brats because of the Helsing seals running through their blood that your grandfather have placed upon me.

I see it that it is my duty to prevent that from happening. [And protecting Integra's purity at stake! Not that the Major care two-shits about Integra at all.]

Well, the Major in my game served this Emperor as the second-hand man and the Emperor was hoping that by planning this marriage, he can tighten the leash around the Major for better control. Something that has to do with military power and politics. [Scoffs] As if that would work.

So, after I ambush that wedding and rescue my Integra, the war between me and the Major may erupt. Sound exciting, hm?

[topsdracula]

Hm. That sounds truly melodramatic. What sort of daft ruler trust that madman? Nevertheless, I trust that the situation would be resolved without any theatrics.

Couldn't your Master challenge her [spits the word.] fiancé into a nobleman's duel? That could be an easier solution to the problem.

[persistent_humanity]

So long as my desk is left out of this, I see nothing wrong with this list.

[Have a little grin, Alucard. She will never admit how vastly entertained she is by The Lonely Island, but ohhh is she ever. Besides, any continuity wherein a version of her is marrying that cretin is one that needs a healthy dose of rampage.]

As you were, vampire.

[nolifeemperor]

I'm a good boy, Mea Contesa. I haven't touch any of your precious property in your office and that includes the cigars and wine collection.

[The vampire grinned back at her. What a treat. He can't enough of the lovely attention from all the Integras here. His day is perfect.

It simply means he's going to enjoy bothering her for attention. He is an egotistical vampire.]

I'm trying my best to behave well.