rofl In which the muse's mind can be a disturbing place sometimes

[nolifeemperor]

[And there he sits on his throne, the immortal vampire and No Life King, Alucard. Staring at his mun with his infernal eyes that glow in the darkness of the basement that lies beneath his Master's Manor. For a monster who claims he is the true vampire that feast upon the blood, flesh, and souls of the living, he is enslaven by the seals and magical bonds placed upon by the Man who Defeated him. Proof of his metaphysical leash is shown in the alchemy sigils inscribed on his white gloves that bounded him with several restrictions like a dog to a pole.

And yet, he smiles. Placidly. Calmly. When he grins, baring his teeth, his sharp fangs shows.]


Oh mun, mun, clearly you're a scatter-brain! Perhaps, we need to refresh our agenda and goals of the jobs that ought to get done, hmmmm~? Everything will be done in due time, so have patience. Come closer, let's get in touch with me, your muse of the night, before the pen rests by the end of day and my voice hoarse and parched from thirst. Let's sort out my sincere intentions for the future events that is about to unravel. Let's be a little naughty before Master find this~.

Ahem.

[And he flips on the radio, the music is playing to the tune of the song, "Like a Boss!"]

Get more sleep and start sleeping early at 6am (which unfortunately muse and mun are hardly doing...)

Wake up early! From 4pm, I ought to wake up at 3pm from now on (ultimate failure)

Be a creeper Sneak up on Master before she wakes up at 7am (do you this daily before you sleep in your coffin, Alucard...?)

Brood profoundly (you ought to get out of the basement more and take an enthusiastic walk through the woods)

Get an apron and learn how to cook (Alucard, the gun is not a cooking untensil)

Do the laundry (know the difference between the detergent and the bleach, Alucard?)

Clean the coffin

Load my guns

Attend a tournament

Fight the gladiators

Win some prizes

Impress the girl Master

Burn the Helsing's manor to rid of the evidence

Buy a tuxedo

Get a bouquet of red roses

Attend a wedding

Shoot 300+ wedding guests randomly and commit homicide

Create confusion and havoc

Rampage and raging while destroying Church property

Kill the groom (the Major)

Kill the groom's minions (whoever is in the Millenium group)

Save the bride (Integra)

Get the bride girl Master

Make our escape

Become criminal fugitives by the Church

Get Wanted, dead or alive by the Church - preferrably dead

Scorn religion

Get to Britain

Get Master a new house

Make Master her sandwich

Disturbing? This is completely normal to my integrity and character, I assure you! So there. As you can see, I am busy being a very bad Monster~. Do we understand the tasks and each other now? Be off with you now and good night~

Comments

[integra_hellsing]

That's actually quite a bit you've got there. Can even you, the infamous No Life King, handle all of that?

[nolifeemperor]

Well, we don't have the butler or the police girl in our game. I might as well do both to make up for the shortage in the Hellsing castmates and staff.

[integra_hellsing]

Hn. That ridiculous Major has most of his goons, and yet we do not even have a Seras. This doesn't bode well... however, we've been fine on our own before. We'll do it again.

Hn, as for agendas, I have one of my own that is quite long as well.

[nolifeemperor]

Most of his goons are pretty useless and can't do anything, but talk too much. [Useless as in, they're just meatbags for him to pound and destroy in the end. Boring! Well, boring in his opinion.]

Mun find the lack of Seras amusing, actually.

[integra_hellsing]

Hn.

Mine isn't sure, honestly. She's quite fond of the Police Girl.

[nolifeemperor]

Amusing as in, our story is like a prequel to this fabulous book before Seras, who is still a human, show up and got caught by that idiot priest.

But I would love a Seras too, hn. Which is why I'm updating my agenda here.

[integra_hellsing]

I don't think you're going to be able to pull all of this off, Count.

[nolifeemperor]

Yes, I can. This agenda is the course over the past month. I'm not doing it all in one day. That's ludicrous!

[integra_hellsing]

I still don't think you can do it.

[nolifeemperor]

[Tersely. He sees this as a challenge. It's on guuurl.]

I found my Master's faith in my skills very disturbing~. Which one you think I can't do, then?

[integra_hellsing]

All of them, save for the ones that include your guns and mass murder.

[ So there. ]

[nolifeemperor]

[*coughs* Lack of faith. Excuse the typo up there.

Way to hit below the belt. Only you, Master.

Still determined.]

Let's make a bet.

[Wanna play with the tame devil here, even for a moment?]

[integra_hellsing]

That depends on the bet.

[ Challenge accepted, Vampire. ]

[nolifeemperor]

[Since money is pretty worthless to the vampire...

Oh, this is going to be delicious. Grinning.]

Give me a few task to do that I can settle in one day and I am able to do it from the afternoon until sundown...say 3 to 5 pm...that's two hours...

[His grin widens, smirking.]

I want to see you run around your own Manor. I won't tell you how many laps you should run unless I win.

[integra_hellsing]

Fine. If you can get half of that ridiculous list of yours done within that time slot, I will gladly run around the manor.

However, if you can't, my conditions are quite simple.

[ She smiles. ]

I want to see you in my wedding gown, in the very form you are in now, running down the street yelling unto the world 'I am normal'.

[nolifeemperor]

No can do. Change something else that is a little more realistic.

Plus, humiliating me would be humiliating your public image to our enemies.

[integra_hellsing]

I'm not changing it. Your little challenge to me is still humiliating me to the house serants, and I've agreed. Therefore, you'll wear my dress and like it, Alucard.

[nolifeemperor]

[Shrugs.]

I don't see what's humiliating about it, if you're doing some exercise in your normal clothes.

[Thinking about it.]

You wedding dress is way too small for me in this form.

[integra_hellsing]

Running around the house, in my normal suit, is very out of character for me, if you didn't already know that, Alucard. It is very humiliating.

[ She shrugs as well. ]

I can make it fit, I can assure you. And I will enjoy doing so.

[nolifeemperor]

It was only a bet. [Shurgs.] Then you must realize it's out of character for me as well.

[Man, they can argue like this all night and day, I don't even.]

....

[Yep. Back to square one. She won the argument. Sighing. She's only human after all.]

Just give me the veil part. You know? The one you wear around your head to cover your face when walking down the aisle.

[integra_hellsing]

My veil won't cover my face, therefore it won't be acceptable for you. No, you will wear the dress. No excuses.

[nolifeemperor]

You have one and it should. You just don't want to loose.

[Now the vampire is becoming bored and tired. And he don't want to do play anymore.]

No, I will not wear the dress. I'm bored of this game, I'm going to bed.

[integra_hellsing]

Neither do you.

Fine. Then I will not run around the manor, you moron.

[ Thus, she waves him off. ]

[nolifeemperor]

...do you really want to see me in that dress badly?

[integra_hellsing]

Not really. I don't care, personally. I only thought it was fair.