dear_mun | can't do it right now I'm sorry

((It's always slow. There's always the chance of taking two steps back. It's pretty cool when you actually get it lodged in the back of your brain that two steps doesn't mean all of the steps, though! Also, thank you for reminding me that dear mun exists; currently hamming it up to the ceiling with this douche bag against every other character who replies. I may just be a terrible human being for playing him as such but it's far too fun.))

Look at you and your pragmatic optimism.

You know, you might be an adorable dork if you took those shades off. I'd be careful if I was you.

((Yeh I'm about there with Dave. He's probably one of the most amusing muses I've ever had except maybe for Sollux.))

pff dude are you kidding
i am fucking precious
like old ladies be pinching my cheeks off and cooing all the time about this shit

So it's the cougars that're after you, huh? Well that must be a hell of a thing. I've got the same problem, but unfortunately at my age they tend to get a wizened, brushed-crone lustre.

cougars
young chicks
nubby shouty assholes
and at one point laserface but that was over in a hurry
and i think a samurai but that remains to be seen
just chill with me and youll see a whole lot of hormone related fuckery
and only some of it is my fault to begin with

I'm a little old to be your wingman -- or are you hoping for a Jane Goodall-like observer to eventually write the chronicals of Dave Strider, Teen Fuck Machine?

[The last said with a snide chortle, of course. Fanfiction stream-crossing: never a good idea, even to make sport.]

_{[Here, have a laugh for your trouble.]}

id say youd get off on that
but
dude how does your junk even function
or does it function at all
ive met some droids around actually have the works and that shit just baffles me
like how the fuck
all that juicy shit would gum up hells of bad unless you had like reservoirs and coolants and seals and shit
and even then theres a thing with nerve endings and its just a big scifi porno mess

((Oh my christ, here we go))

[Gather round, youthful ignorants, it's sex ed time and the anonymous questions are being drawn! Quell the titters as Teach Agate enlightens you in the ways of AI ~~romance~~ recreational function!]

The old nightrider doesn't got it in him; I don't do slop when I'm cruising. I suppose I could mod it, kitch it out...

[Agate looks mildly put out, even disgusted by the idea]

But you're right. Fluids. You're all so terribly dirty, aren't you?

[Yes you, Dave.]

There's Old Dependable if I deigned to want to; he's a biological vat-grown project of mine, laced through the nerves. Solves problems A through Z so far as I've found, but I don't throw him around like a slut-bucket if that's what you're mouth-breathing over. That one is for times and places where I need to blend in well and truly. It's also highly illegal to tote him around or even blink at his existence where I come from.

[Agate splays his hands just a little, palms up.]

As for Nexistence, how would you fuck in a dream? Most of your type treat who I am and where I live like a consciously-chosen, shared hallucination. You could hook in with a visor and a head-set or you could submerse if you wanted a goo bath experience. For me it's a matter of being physically present. Bodies shaped like this are extensions to me what these,

[He wriggles his fingers]

are to you. Sometimes an alternate intelligence will put on a show if it's a recreational thing, a 'come down to your level' thing. Two AI's don't do so in that sense. When we fuck...

[He decides to go there. He kisses the tips of his fingers, perversely and purposefully going glassy eyed]

The world moves.

Somebody also usually dies.

[How much of this is a truth and how much is a lie? Find out next time on Agate Bullshits the Younguns Hour!]

_{[To his credit, Dave doesn't really look all that nonplussed. He doesn't look much of anything at all. He just has an eyebrow going on.]}

so in a nutshell
humans and their biology are gross
this that ive already met is about as useful as a ken doll
you have a flesh body floating around for gross fleshy dealings
youre a consciousness without a solid form unless you choose to drop yourself in one
dude are you Q?

Pourquoi fuckin' non?

[Dude looks more amused and pleased to be compared than offended, which is probably a bad sign.]

_{[Dave doesn't know any better so he's pretty fuckin' amused himself.]}

well shit

'Well shit,' he says like a motherfucking boss.

You want three wishes? I got plenty.

[He waggles his brows, opening a trenchcoat side to reveal wishes if they were watches.]

im all good on wishes dude

_{[Still thinks that's pretty fuckin' baller though]}

You're perfectly shitting me. Nobody's full up on wishes. There must be one thing your wretched human heart desires, surely?

[Ham. Floodgates sluicing open. Make what extrapolations you will.]

_{[It's such an inconvenient time for ham.]}

fine
get me the biggest fuckin jar of nutella they have on the market
and double that sumbitch
i intend to make a chocolate sandwich the size of my head

_{[He's...just a little bit of a chocoholic.]}

You don't just want a disgustingly dribbling mess of chocolate slop crushed between two enriched-wheat excuses for sliced, baked goods? Take the middle man out, not have to spend all that time stirring the pot, getting the grease lathered through before you can take that first, sweet bite?

[Well, alright. This is a fucking fourth-wall, canon-breaking piece of collaborative ~fiction~ so here it goes.

That's suddenly one big fucking bucket of nutella between them. On a table. Immaculate. One could accidentally lock one's head inside of it if one was not careful trying to lick out the bottom.]

Your marvelously inane wish has been granted, oh maestro.

like hell im just gonna wish for the sandwich
this shit will make like fifteen sandwiches at least
i have creative sandwich freedom
you fuckin own
id share if you had innards

_{[Just excuse his flapping for a moment. This is a very happy Dave.]}

A grande whopping total fifteen sandwiches.

How much of that horrific looking sluice do you load your sandwich up with?

You realize that a diet of pure shit is going to ruin you forever.

I predict gout.

And probably constipation.

But I'm not a doctor.

yeah you just keep thinking that buddy
my entire childhood was comprised of mcdonalds doritos and soda
occasionally freezer pizza
striders cant fuckin cook for shit
and i said at least fifteen
maybe twenty?
i intend to double stack this shit

[He looks bamboozled, though probably mostly due to the fact that he's aiming for it.]

How is it, exactly, that you are still alive?

sheer fortified stubbornness and refusal to die

_{[That isn't even much of an exaggeration on his part either. He'd just flat out refused to die of anything but the oldest of old age because of Bro and his...everything.]}

The utter badass who relies on a steady diet of chocolate, bread, and from what I understand the occasional cigarette.

Sounds legit.

You poor bastard.

can't do it right now I'm sorry

((Have a dump of feels I guess!))

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((I keep stopping myself from cackling, and then "DAW"ing. Damn you!))

((Bahaha yes good.))

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((That stupid icon. So good. I wish I had icon spaces enough for that shit!))

((I love the fuck out of the smuppet icon. I need more spaces myself tho))

Re: ((I love the fuck out of the smuppet icon. I need more spaces myself tho))

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