HEY HOW ABOUT SHIPPING YOU WITH

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now why in the hell would you go and try a thing like that

forrealz
never happened
never will happen
shits nasty
and while i may be the king of the sluts in my own mind
that is not how im gonna let it go down in the eye arr ell
you dig me mun

Comments

[tiltshotghostimage]

more like barely know is the turn off
yeah vantas would have an existential crisis on his hands if i did anything like get redhearts for one of his friends at that point

hed be all shouty gray and yelling about what is life
who are we
why are we here

throwing the biggest shitfit known to paradox space

hell hed still throw the biggest shitfit known to man if i told him hey vantas check this out i totally made out with captor back when we were stupid kids now check out these hella fly beats i just concocted

hed literally faint i think

[Oh, is that so? Is that really the best you've got? Because check out THESE PRISTINE AS HELL BALLER FUCKING TABLE MANNERS while he spreads jelly on a scone.]

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[Jelly, Strider? JELLY? Kanaya shakes her head as she daubs her biscuit with clotted cream.]

A Completely Reasonable Turn-Off. We Are Hardly In A Society In Which Our Partnerships Can Be Neatly Arranged To a Superior's Liking. (Though I Could Provide You Several Romantic Texts In Which It All Turns Out For The Best - I Fear They Are Slightly Unrealistic.)

We Should Make All Efforts To Avoid Said Shitfit. Perhaps We Should Send Karkat To Go Reason With Your Mun Until Their Ears Bleed?

[tiltshotghostimage]

[Damn straight jelly. Jelly owns, Maryam. Especially when it is, in fact, raspberry jam on a blueberry scone. Which he eats tidily, listening and not talking over the bite when he starts to speak.]

nah that would result in them shipping him with everybody too
vantases and striders
we just cant win im afraid

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[Well if it's JAM, that's alright then. Kanaya offers a plate of perfectly cut finger sandwiches, completely devoid of taste and nutritional content as is traditional.]

Especially Given That You Have Demonstrated SUCH Skills From The Area In Question. Truly, In The Face Of Such Romantic Prowess, Who Could Possibly Resist?

[tiltshotghostimage]

[Who is he to turn down a finger sandwich? A damned uncultured fool? he takes one and nibbles on it before sipping his tea to wash the dry little bite down, and blithely ignores the snark.]
i know
its a damn travesty is what it is

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All Of Theoretical Trollkind And Humankind Are At This Moment Rending Garments And Gnashing Fangs At This Great Trespass.

[Kanaya taps a napkin neatly to her lips, removing invisible crumbs. Her lipstick remainds impeccable.]

[tiltshotghostimage]

[Okay, the lipstick trick is what gets Dave to set his tea and saucer down, half a finger sandwich set on one side of the saucer itself. He can't compete with that. That was astounding.]
they need to calm down its just romance

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[Kanaya notes the conceded point and graciously offers more tea.]

But Whatever Should We Focus On Besides Besotted Entanglements? The Potential End Of Both Our Races? The Rapidly Approaching End Of Our Broken Sessions? The All-But-Certain Elimination Of Reality Itself?

...I Am Starting To Appreciate Quadrant Gossip More.

[She sighs and takes another sip.]

[tiltshotghostimage]

okay you have a point
there really isnt much to say to your predicament but im lucky to be in a reality wherein all that shit is ancient damn history
hell its been like ten years since we started the game in the first place
its a pretty spectacular place
just a little jank insomuch that we just had to put reality together in general and weird shit happens on the regular

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[She brightens at this, quite literally. The translucent cup in her hand reflects it and sends soft shimmers across the table.]

That Is Actually Quite Encouraging! While We Have No Guarantee Of Reaching A Similar Fate, It Is At Least Nice To Know We Succeeded Somewhere.

I Suppose I Shouldn't Press For Personal Details... But Do I At Least Get To Sew More? I Do Miss It.

[tiltshotghostimage]

youre putting yourself through college with your tailoring
youve made me at least four suits since we got here
shit im pretty sure youve made everyone some sort of formal wear since we dropped on Asylum
slick threads at that
i wouldnt go to another seamstress even if they paid me
i look dope as hell in what you make me

pretty sure ampora would agree to that too

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[She glows brighter and brighter at the encouragement.]

To Say I Am Glad To Hear I'm Doing Well Seems A Bit Self-Aggrandizing, But I Cannot Deny It! I Wish I Could See Them!

[That last sentence registers.]

Eridan? He Survived Too? That Truly Is A... Different Universe.

[tiltshotghostimage]

nah he died
but hes doing what he can to be the best pompous asshole formerly dead guy this world has to offer

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[Small laugh at that.]
How Nice To Know He Continues Playing To His Strengths.

It Must Be Admitted There Has Been A Severe Drop In Appreciation For Fashion Since His Departure. Also A Severe Drop In Attempted/Successful Homicides.

[tiltshotghostimage]

aw come on kanaya
werent you two friends before he went insane

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It Is Remarkable How Having A Hole Blasted Through One's Innards Tends To Dampen A Relationship.

Many Things Happened. Looking Back, I Wish We Could Have Helped Him, But I Still Darkly Suspect We Could Change Nothing.

Maybe Yours Had Better Luck?
[Takes another sandwich delicately between forefinger and thumb, nibbles.]

[tiltshotghostimage]

[Dave sips his tea again and shakes his head.]

i have a feeling that everything that happened from the time we all started playing to the time im pretty sure youre coming out of is about the same in terms of shit that happened

nah you both still are on at least friendly but backhanded and snippy terms with each other
and im pretty sure thats a language both of you speak as fluently as alternian and english
so i try not to get involved with it and figure that whatever he did while he was dead cleared out the crazies

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I Can Personally Attest That Being Dead Does Offer Certain Clarity.

Ah, But We Are Neglecting The Matter At Hand - The Quadrant Pursuits, Or Lack Therof, Of Sollux Captor And Yourself!

[tiltshotghostimage]

[That wasn't a tiny whimper that Dave cooly covered up with another sip of tea, nope. You heard nothing.]

well the good news is that my mun decided it didnt happen to every iteration of me
just the one thats basically the au of the au
so its off in purgatory with the rest of the bad ideas like my mun deciding to bring a gamzee into their green room and letting in riff raff like dudes from other realities altogether in

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[Of course not. Kanaya also ignores the nervous rattling of china coming from the other side of the table.]

Sounds Like A More Solid Distraction May Be Needed?

Either That Or Start Pestering Sollux In Order To Coordinate your Betrothal Colors. At Least You Both Favor Primaries - That's Going To Look Quite Dashing With Suits...

[tiltshotghostimage]

hes got a guy already kanaya
sorry for dashing your hopes and dreams of putting your stellar seamstress skills to work
and so do i

might need somebody to whip up a nice pair of suits soon for us actually
the main us
not the gross au us

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[Throws a hand to her forehead.] Alas, I Shall Pine Away With My Glorious Dreams Unfulfilled. Send Rose My Deepest Affections!

But Do Tell! Are Congratulations In Order?

[tiltshotghostimage]

youre gonna see this coming from a million miles away
but yeah
i proposed after like three years to vantas
not a big deal right

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[She raises her tea cup in a toast.]

It Is Not Exactly A Shocking Development, But No Less Wonderful!

I Do Hope You Made The Proposal Sufficiently Romantic. Or Did Karkat Make Your Practice First?

[tiltshotghostimage]

ahaha he was waiting for me to propose for like a year before i did
i made him nervous as hell
like i wasnt about to or something

it wasnt exactly some wine and dine out in public thing like i wanted to do
but you know how karkat is if i did that hed make some sort of outrageously ridiculous scene
people would be staring
and hed get more uncomfortable
soon it would be this giant clusterfuck of people gathered around me and him
while he rants
and im still on one knee
my knee would get sore
his voice would go hoarse
itd be three hours and i wouldnt get an answer
itd be pandemonium on a large scale
all because i gave this jackass a ring

so yeah i just proposed to him while folding clothes just after we moved into our new place
way safer deal there
know what his answer was
his answer was
WHAT?
proposals are hard
i spent like two months freaking right the hell out about it too
because i was like jesus fucking hell dude
does karkat even understand the institution of marriage
you guys dont have that shit in your society
is he going to find the whole concept of marriage really fucking weird
like dude im basically asking him to hang out with me until we die
thats not creepy at all
get up in front of a shitload of everyone we could possibly ever care about and swear to them and everybody that were gonna keep chillin until one of us is dead
thats totally normal shit to us but i can see where that gets freaky

but nah he gets it
my worries were totally unfounded
he eventually said yes but i mean what the hell kind of answer is what