dear_mun | Suddenly humanstuck!

AlL ThE ThInGs, MaN.
BuT He wAs dRiNkIn' ToO So hE DoN'T ReMeMbEr eItHeR, rEaLlY.
I AiN'T DoIn' AnY Of tHe sOpOrIfIcS AnYmOrE AnYwAy, ExCePt a rEgUlAr sPlIfF, uSuAlLy wItH DaVeBrO.

YeAh, SoUnDs lIkE MiNe, ThOuGh hE DoN'T DrInK.
MoThErFuCkIn' LiGhTwEiGhT, mAn.
I'M PrEtTy sUrE I SaW SoDa oN ThE ToP Of tHe hUmAn fOoD PyRaMiD So i gUeSs dRiNkS CaN Be.
FrEeZe a dRiNk aNd iT GeTs eDiBlE.
FuCkIn' MiRaClEs oF PhYsIcS, bRo.

:o)

WAIT, ARE YOU SAYING WE PAILED?
HOLY SHIT.
THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, ISN'T IT?
THAT'S AWFUL.
WHY DID IT HAVE TO HAPPEN WHILE WE WERE DRUNK?
IF I WERE HIM I WOULD'VE WANTED TO REMEMBER THAT!

[And now Karkat is wondering whether the drinking brought out feelings that were already there, or if he's just so awful that no one would want him unless they were drunk. Probably the latter. Gamzee already said it had nothing to do with feelings.]

I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW HUMAN SOPORIFICS WORK.
ROXY SAID OCCASIONAL CONSUMPTION ISN'T BAD, BUT IT CAN BE BAD FOR YOU IF YOU DO IT REGULARLY.
I'VE NEVER SEEN THE MUN DRUNK THOUGH.
HE JUST HAS A DRINK WITH DINNER SOMETIMES.
I'VE SEEN HIM FREEZE THINGS THOUGH, SO I GUESS THAT CHECKS OUT.

HoNeStLy, BrO
YoU'Re tHiNkIn' AbOuT ThIs sHiT WaY ToO MoThErFuCkIn' HaRd.
TrYiN' tO SeE ShIt iN It rEaLlY AiN'T MaTtEriN' aNy.
FiRsT OfF, iT AiN'T YOU I'M MoThErFuCkIn' PaIlIn'.
DiFfErEnT KaRbRo, GoT DiFfErEnT HiStOrY, dIfFeReNt mEmOrIeS, dIfFeReNt fEeLiNgS AbOuT FuCkIn' PaIlIn' WiTh mE.
AnD SeCoNdLy, YoU GoTtA StOp tHiNkIn' It's sOmEtHiN' aLl fUcKeD Up wItH YoU.
MiNdFuCkIn' EvErY MoThErFuCkIn' ThInG InTo sHaPeS It aIn't eVeN MeAnT To bE In.

OK, I'M SORRY.
I KNOW IT ISN'T ANY OF MY BUSINESS AND THAT WHATEVER HAPPENED WITH HIM DOESN'T APPLY TO ME SPECIFICALLY.
I JUST HOPE THAT IF YOU FELT THAT WAY ABOUT ME YOU WOULD TELL ME.
BUT I'M NOT SURE YOU WOULD.
I DON'T EVEN THINK I'D TELL MYSELF IF I FELT THAT WAY ABOUT ME.
I PROBABLY WOULDN'T
BECAUSE I'M AN ASSHOLE.
FUCK, LOOK AT WHAT I JUST SAID.
I SAID IT WAS AWFUL THAT WE PAILED
BUT I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
I JUST MEANT THAT IT WAS AWFUL THAT IT HAPPENED WHILE WE WERE DRUNK
BECAUSE YOU PROBABLY WISH YOU COULD REMEMBER IT, DON'T YOU?
I DON'T THINK ANYONE WANTS TO FORGET THINGS LIKE THAT.
UNLESS IT WAS REALLY AWFUL.
MAYBE THEN YOU WOULD WANT TO FORGET IT.

EvEn iF It dId sUcK I'D StIlL WaNnA FuCkIn' ReMeMbEr tHaT ShIt.
I rEmEmBeR LiTtLe bItS HeRe aNd tHeRe bUt nOtHiNg rEaLlY CoNcReTe.
He sEeMeD Ok eNoUgH WiTh iT.
MoRe wOrRiEd aBoUt wHaT I WaS DoInG In hIs kItChEn iN ThE FiRsT PlAcE.
MaKiN' a mOtHeRfUcKeR An oMeLeT FoR BeInG A GoOd lAy, I ThOuGhT.

_{[Shrugging all over the place at that then turning serious again.]}

Y'KnOw bRo, If yOu aLl uP AnD GoT YoUr rEd fEeLs oN FoR Me yOu CAN JuSt sAy sO.
InStEaD Of bEiN' aLl fUcKiN' fIdGeTy aRoUnD ThE SuBjEcT A My sEx lIfE I MeAn.

I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT?
I GUESS I'M A LITTLE CONFUSED.
I DON'T THINK IT WOULD'VE WORKED WITH PAST GAMZEE, BECAUSE THINGS WERE TOO COMPLICATED BACK THEN
AND PRESENT GAMZEE IS ACTING LIKE A COMPLETE ASSHOLE.
I WISH HE WERE MORE LIKE YOU.
YOU'RE PROBABLY THE ONLY GAMZEE I COULD FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT.
BUT IF I DID, WOULD YOU BE OKAY WITH THAT?

DiDn't sEeM AlL ThAt MoThErFuCkIn' CoMpLiCaTeD To mE BaCk tHeN.
ThOuGh iN HiNdsIgHt i kInDa wOnDeR WhY YoU EvEr cOnSiDeReD Me yOuR BeSt fRiEnD WhEn yOu kInDa oBvIoUsLy cOuLdN'T MoThErFuCkIn' StAnD Me.
WoUlDA BeEn bEtTeR iF YoU WeRe jUsT HoNeSt wItH BoTh oF Us.
At lEaSt eQuIuS HaD ThE DeCeNcY To oUtRiGhT Be aLl uP AnD MoThErFuCkIn' SaYiN' tHaT He hAtEd mY ClOwN AsS In tHaT PlAtOnIc wAy.
EvEn iF He wAs wEiRd aBoUt tHe sHiT In tHe fIrSt pLaCe aT LeAsT It wAsN'T LyIn' To mE AbOuT It.

BuT PaSt mE WaS AlSo a lOt mOrE ScAtTeReD, hAd oThEr, LeSs eNlIgHtEnEd sHiT On hIs nUtRiTiOn pLaTeAu.
YoU MaDe hIm hApPy aNd tHaT StIlL MaKeS Me gLaD I KnEw yOu iN ThE FiRsT MoThErFuCkIn' PlAcE.
BuT ThAt UnDeRsTaNdIn' I GoT On bEfOrE I KiLlEd aLl tHeM MoThErFuCkErS AiN'T GoNe.
MiGhT EvEn sAy iT'S ExPaNdEd iN ThE TiMe i gOt mY GroWiN' oN.
I KnOw bEtTeR NoW, YoU FeEl mE BrO?

BuT ThAt's a lOt oF MoThErFuCkIn' WoRdS To bE SaYiN' nO, I aIn't gOt mY FlUsH On fOr yOu, NoW Or tHeN.
PaLeSt mOtHeRfUcKiN' fEeLs aLl tHe wAy.
If yOu gOt yOuR FlUsH On fOr mE, i'm nOt gOnNa tElL YoU To kNoCk iT Off.
ThEy'rE YoUr FeElInGs, BrO.
I'M NoT GoNnA TeLl yOu wHaT To dO WiTh 'Em.
AiN'T SuRe wHaT I FeEl aBoUt tHiS HuMaN KaRbRo.
MiGhTa jUsT WaNtEd sOmE AsS AnD He wAs bEiNg aGrEeAbLe.
HaVeN'T AsKeD YeT.

NO, I NEVER HATED YOU.
I KNOW I SAID SOME AWFUL THINGS BUT I DIDN'T MEAN THEM.
I'M A HORRIBLE PERSON WHO CALLS HIS FRIENDS NAMES AND POINTS OUT THEIR FAULTS.
JUST ASK SOLLUX, HE'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT THAT.
IF I'VE LIED ABOUT ANYTHING IT'S THAT I ENJOYED BEING WITH YOU
BUT I WAS TOO STUPID AND COWARDLY TO SAY THAT.
I JUST SORT OF THOUGHT YOU WOULD ALWAYS BE THERE
UNTIL YOU WEREN'T.
BUT I DESERVED THAT.
I DON'T THINK TEREZI DID ANYTHING TO DESERVE WHAT YOU DID TO HER THOUGH.
SHE ONLY WANTED YOU AS HER KISMESIS
THAT RELATIONSHIP IS SO OUT OF CONTROL RIGHT NOW.
IT ISN'T EVEN REMOTELY PRODUCTIVE.
YOU'RE JUST HURTING HER.
SO YEAH, I'M LEGITIMATELY PISSED ABOUT THAT.
I GET ANGRY SOMETIMES
ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE BEING STUPID AND CAPRICIOUS
BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I HATE YOU.
I JUST WANT YOU TO STOP.
I MEAN, I WANT *HIM* TO STOP.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO DO ANYTHING.
YOU'RE FINE JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.

THAT'S WHY I SAY IT'S COMPLICATED.
I FEEL CLOSE TO YOU, BUT NOT TO ANY OTHER VERSION OF YOU
AND I WAS PALE FOR YOU FOR A LONG TIME
EVEN AFTER YOU DUMPED ME.
I HAVE ALL KINDS OF UNREQUITED FEELINGS FOR ALL SORTS OF PEOPLE AND I CAN'T GET A RELATIONSHIP TO WORK IN ANY QUADRANT.
HOW COULD I EVEN THINK ABOUT BEING YOUR MATESPRIT WHEN I COULDN'T EVEN HANDLE BEING YOUR MOIRAIL?
I WOULD JUST FUCK IT UP.
I'M NOT EVEN A GOOD FRIEND RIGHT NOW.
I'M GOING ON AND ON ABOUT SOMETHING YOU DID IN THE PAST THAT YOU PROBABLY DON'T EVEN WANT TO THINK ABOUT.

When it comes to Terezi, I'm just avoiding that whole motherfuckin' mess, bro.
I know I fucked up.
For a long motherfuckin' time here, nobody let me forget it.
And I don't blame you or them or anyone else for lookin' at me like I'm gonna start reducing some pans to paste again at the slightest trigger.
But yeah, ain't somethin' I'm all up and wanting to think about anymore.
I ain't that guy no more.
I'm takin' all these motherfuckin' steps so I don't ever become that guy again.
Pretty much avoiding every version of Terezi I ever motherfuckin' see, just in case.

I never did really think you hated me, just wished you coulda been all motherfuckin' up-front about how you DID feel.
Confuses a motherfucker tryin' to sift through all the motherfuckin' negativity comin' in from every motherfuckin' angle tryin' to find some iota of a good feeling.
Only motherfucker never said anything bad to or about me's been Tavbro.
Even Dave had his shit all motherfuckin' jacked over me and I don't blame him neither.
Kinda tired of bein' jerked is all.

You got way too motherfuckin' much happening right now as it is and I'm aware of that.
Maybe it's just better you stop lookin' at your quadrants so hard.
Take a step back and somethin' good will come your way because you do deserve that.
Might not'a been the best friend all the time but you're still a good guy and you don't deserve to be alone any more than anyone else does.
I'm still pullin' for ya from all the way over here at least.

JuSt hAvE A LiTtLe fAiTh tHaT YoU'Ll mAkE It OuT Ok.
ThE ReSt wIlL CoMe aLoNg iN ItS TiMe.
:o)

WE DON'T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT.
I'M SORRY I BROUGHT IT UP.
I DON'T THINK YOU'RE GOING TO HURT PEOPLE ANYMORE.
YOU'VE COME A LONG WAY SINCE THEN
FUCK, I'M PROUD OF YOU, YOU KNOW THAT?

SOMETIMES I DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL
AND EVEN WHEN I DO I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY IT.
I ALWAYS PITIED YOU
I'M JUST NOT SURE IF IT'S CLOSER TO THE PALE KIND OF PITY, OR THE RED KIND AT THE MOMENT.
I'M NOT EVEN SURE YOU WANT ME AS A MOIRAIL, LET ALONE SOMETHING MORE THAN THAT
AND I'M AFRAID NO MATTER WHAT I DO I'LL MAKE THINGS WORSE FOR YOU
AND I DON'T WANT THAT.
BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I CARE ABOUT YOU AND I ALWAYS WILL
NO MATTER WHAT YOUR SHITTY PAST SELVES DO.
SO DON'T EVER THINK I HATE YOU.
I CAN GUARANTEE YOU THAT I DON'T
EVEN IF I'M KIND OF AN ASSHOLE SOMETIMES.

YOU KEEP SAYING I DESERVE A RELATIONSHIP, BUT YOU DESERVE IT TOO.
YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY AND HAVE PEOPLE THAT CARE ABOUT YOU.
YOU SURE DON'T DESERVE A SHITTY FRIEND LIKE ME.
SO IF I EVER SAY TOO MUCH YOU CAN JUST TELL ME TO GeT yOuR mOtHeRfUcKiN' cHiLl On
AND I'LL DO IT, OK?
I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL DO IT THIS TIME.
I JUST DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU AGAIN.

yo past vantas
imma let you finish
but excuse the hell out of you

he has a moirail
he has a matesprit
broheim has family now and happiness
there aint a thing hes wanting for so you dont have to worry about him
you just need to keep doing you dude
you got a whole lot of shit you got going on right now

and while you really care for him and thats fucking crystal clear like some pristine fucking water chilling in a glass
you are seriously harshing his mellow with all this shit
bringing up terezi
like what was that gonna accomplish bro
you know as well as anybody that isnt kosher

and before you start getting all fucking huffy and shit on me like this aint even my business
let me remind you he has a moirail
and im pretty sure that stepping in where my bro is getting fucked up is well within my purview
if only to keep shit from escalating on his end

im gonna go back to shooshing his pan and papping his face
so some shit doesnt go down
youre gonna find someone dude but that capital p pity youre looking for is not in these parts friend
greener pastures await your shouty gray ass

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT, DAVE!
I ALREADY APOLOGIZED FOR THAT!
I KNOW IT WAS STUPID TO BRING HER UP AND I'M SORRY FOR MENTIONING IT, OKAY?
IT OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING.

HE SAID HE WANTED ME TO BE HONEST ABOUT HOW I FELT, SO I WAS.
I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE HE WAS TALKING ABOUT PAST ME AND NOT PRESENT ME, BUT THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT THAT PASTHOLE'S BEHAVIOR.
SO I'M BEING HONEST NOW.
I DON'T EXPECT HIM TO RETURN MY FEELINGS.
I KNOW HE DOESN'T NEED ME.
HE HASN'T FOR A LONG TIME.
MAYBE I JUST WANTED TO DO RIGHT BY HIM FOR ONCE?
NEWSFLASH! I SUCK AT THAT TOO!
I'M AN IDIOT WHO CAN'T DO RIGHT BY ANY OF HIS FRIENDS EVEN IF HE TRIES AND I SHOULDN'T EVEN BE ALLOWED TO TALK TO FUTURE GAMZEE BECAUSE I KEEP ON BRINGING UP STUPID SHIT FROM THE PAST!

I'M SORRY FOR THAT, OKAY?
I AM REALLY FUCKING SORRY FOR THAT.
I'LL JUST GO NOW.

dont try to guilt me into feeling bad about something you said man that sort of shit has amateur night written all over it
vantas you could do right by me by not sitting there talking like he doesnt have anybody there for him
you can respect his shit
in fact thats pretty much the hugest thing about you right now
i mean YOU
not my you
you personally
youre pretty fucking disrespectful and you read into shit way more than you should
and you do this with the grace and fucking maturity of every past version of you that you hate
you sit there and mindfuck shit to the point of absolute absurdity and while you do you actually manage to forget why youre doing it in the first place

like listen i dont hate you
he doesnt hate you
you probably think so because your wheels are spinning into overdrive thinking that a little criticism and asking to be honest means that
but it seriously doesnt
i fucking think youre chill as hell
i think youre being an ass right now sure but that doesnt mean youre not fucking fantastic
everyone can be a sack of dicks sometimes
that doesnt mean theyre any less chill in my opinion
in fact its one of the things i fucking adore about every version of you ive ever met
you somehow manage to live in a dichotomous state of being a bag of dicks and being a really good friend when you dont fuck yourself up by overthinking shit

okay so just chill out
you dont have to go anywhere
hes cool with you
im cool with you
we coo
coo as a penguins balls chillin down on the ice shelf man

you just gotta stop mindfucking everything and running these tight circles around a situation until you grind a groove into the ground

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE, RIGHT?
I AM A BAG OF DICKS AND EVERYONE LOVES ME.
WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

OK, I'D LIKE TO STOP OVERTHINKING SHIT, BUT IT ISN'T EASY.
I GET ALL WRAPPED UP IN THINGS AND SOMETIMES I DON'T REALIZE I'M SAYING TOO MUCH UNLESS SOMEONE ELSE TELLS ME.
I'M GLAD YOU STEPPED IN TO DO THAT, BUT I WISH GAMZEE WOULD'VE TOLD ME HIMSELF.
I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE HE WAS TRYING TO AND I JUST DIDN'T GET IT?
I CAN BE PRETTY STUBBORN AND IT USUALLY TAKES SOMEONE BEING REALLY FUCKING BLUNT FOR ME TO GET IT THROUGH MY THICK BULGE THAT MY ANGRY RANTS AREN'T APPRECIATED.
SO I'M GOING TO PUT "STUPID SHIT FROM THE PAST" ON MY LIST OF TOPICS NOT TO DISCUSS WITH FUTURE GAMZEE, OKAY?
LET'S JUST PUT THAT OUT THERE WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE IT.

AND I DIDN'T MEAN TO DISRESPECT HIS CURRENT RELATIONSHIPS.
I KNOW HE HAS PEOPLE WHO ARE THERE FOR HIM.
I JUST WANT TO BE ONE OF THEM
EVEN IF I REALLY SUCK AT IT.
I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE THAT'S TOO MUCH TO ASK.
I'M NOT TRYING TO SAY HE HAS TO FEEL ANY SPECIFIC WAY FOR ME, OR EVEN THAT HE HAS TO PUT UP WITH ME AT ALL.
I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHERE I STAND WITH HIM, I GUESS.

AND IN RETROSPECT, THAT WAS A PRETTY SHITTY WAY OF SAYING IT.
WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?

seems pretty self explanatory to me
youre a dick but youre a kindhearted dick
thats not a bad thing to be
because at least you mean well

i dont know where you stand with him dude thats for gamzee to decide
hes pretty pale with everybody these days
so long as they arent trying to jack him around you know what i mean
not saying you are
just saying thats how it goes

and honestly dude you own pretty heavy because of wanting to do anything with him
i know other gamzees dont get along with karkats anymore and that shit stings to see

so yeah sorry for stepping up here and being king prick
i just hate seeing my bro get fucked up over anything
you understand

OF COURSE I WANT SOMETHING TO DO WITH HIM.
HE'S STILL MY FRIEND.
OR AT LEAST, I WANT HIM TO BE.
IF OTHER VERSIONS OF US DON'T GET ALONG THAT'S NONE OF MY CONCERN.

AND I WAS OUT OF LINE, SO I DON'T THINK YOU'RE A PRICK FOR STEPPING IN.
YOU WERE JUST TRYING TO HELP A FRIEND.
IF I WERE YOU I WOULD'VE STEPPED IN AT THAT POINT JUST TO STOP MYSELF FROM MAKING AN EVEN GREATER ASS OF MYSELF.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

THANKS, DAVE.
YOU'RE A TRUE BRO.

pretty sure hes still your friend dude that isnt even a question in my mind

no problem bro
you know ive got your back too right
that aint gonna change just because hes my main homie
but seeing him emotionally fucked enough to drop the quirk was my cue to jump in and take some defensive measures against meltdown

if you ever need anything you know where to find me dude
im gonna step back out and do some work on some dope beats
peace

Suddenly humanstuck!

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I am so sorry oh god. buries self in mortification

It's cool, I can roll with that.

thumbs up! Yeah, he's just protective of his friends. Past - future events.

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Suddenly humanstuck!

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I am so sorry oh god. *buries self in mortification*

It's cool, I can roll with that.

*thumbs up!* Yeah, he's just protective of his friends. Past - future events.

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I am so sorry oh god. buries self in mortification

thumbs up! Yeah, he's just protective of his friends. Past - future events.