A very upset unicorn's thoughts on mylittlejamjar's Nightmare Night

[magicalrealist]

(The unicorn doesn't seem to be paying much attention to anything besides the tome levitated in front of her.)

...What else is there for me to say to you? What can I possibly say to you right now that I haven't said many times before? You never listen to me, you never take my feelings into consideration and your attempts to "help me feel better" have only made things worse.

(I know you're angry and I know this looks bad, but I can fix this!)

Angry? Angry?

(She looks up with a piercing glare as her horn crackles with lightning. Eventually, she returns to her unnerving calmness.)

Angry doesn't even begin to describe how I feel about this...about any of this. And before you say anything else, mundane, let me go down the list:

☑ Potentially irreversible existentialism and matching identity issues
☑ Crushing nihilistic viewpoints
☑ Summoning magic that's caused much more harm than good
☑ The inability to be happy for my friends and instead being jealous
☑ Getting possessed by Nightmare Moon and declaring war on Equestria
☑ Extreme discomfort from looking at any events past Cadence's and Shining Armor's wedding
☑ Potentially losing all of my friends due to my (meaning your) selfishness

What happened to the days when we did things just for the sake of being fun? Back when things were simple and didn't end in overwhelming depression? The only thing left from those days is my journal name.

(She flips the page.)

So no, mundane; I'm not going to waste my time begging, groveling or even yelling at you anymore. It did nothing back then and that's never going to change, so go ahead and keep playing the schadenfreude card; I'm not interested anymore. I would say to go and fill out that drop page and put me out of my misery, but since we've established that there's no communication link between us, I'll save myself the trouble.

Comments

[kuukai]

So whatcher saying is, being a pony is suffering.

[ Said ironically by the red-maned magical girl who's currently chowing down on a box of Pocky, munching on one stick after another. ]

[magicalrealist]

Not exactly. Ponies in general aren't too bad...I'm just the outlier.

I'll give you points for the self-referential humor, at least.

[heartmaestro]

[ Have a silent pat on the head, Twi. Luckily, no one ever told her about the whole 'data copy' business, so she didn't have an existential crisis, but she feels ya. ]

[magicalrealist]

(In her heart, Twilight knows that Kotomi understands. Hell, they were side by side most of the time; roughly half of the unicorn's checklist was directly because of Mayfield. Still, it's enough to get her eyes to slowly slide off of those pages and down on to the floor. Twilight...isn't exactly sure what to say, but she feels Kotomi knows her well enough that it doesn't have to be said outloud. Her head hangs low.)

[mommy_twi]

[You know that feeling? When you want to help someone but you don't know how? It's hitting her like a ton of bricks right now.]

...I'm so sorry Twilight.

[magicalrealist]

(Strangely, being on the other side of that table hurts as well. She's silent for a moment as she takes a deep breath.)

...Please don't blame yourself, mom; it's not your fault. I'm the only one to blame, here...

[thesunislaw]

I sincerely wish I could offer words of advice, my dear student, but I will not pretend I am in any position to be able to influence your mundane into being more cooperative. Perhaps they will do so on their own in time, but for the time being, all I am able to say is to stay strong. I realize such things can be deeply scarring, but you know as well as I do that one cannot allow even the worst of times to-

[/record scratch. Wait, what did she list there?!]

One moment... Nightmare Moon?

[magicalrealist]

It's exactly what it sounds like, princess. I don't know the specifics, but she took hold of the darkness in me and used it to power her own. I tried to fight her off, but by that point, I didn't stand a chance. All I could do was watch as she took over and...

(Twilight cringes and then slams the tome shut, looking away in shame.)

I want to say it's over now, but I can't.

[patchworkkitty]

So what are you going to do about it?

[magicalrealist]

About what, exactly?

[marearcana]

...

[This is probably the last pony you want to see right now.]

I...

[It seems as if she realizes this. And it's hard.

The fact that here, she realizes something like this may have to happen again... is the worst part. From where she can see.]

...No one will blame you for that. And as selfish as I know this is going to sound, I don't want you to leave.

I don't know what anything you've gone through is like. I don't think I can understand.

I don't know... if I can help you.

[magicalrealist]

I don't know if I can be helped.

(The response is quick and sharp...too quick and sharp. Twilight stops reading and merely stares at the book. There's an uncomfortably long silence before the unicorn can respond. It's...very hard for her to gauge how she feels about her counterpart. Part of her still sees what could've been, what she's not and what she never will be...but that's not Princess Twilight's fault; she's happy with her life and that should be all that matters...but it's not. The unicorn couldn't care less about the crown or the wings. What she cared about was what they represented: a special kind of balance that the younger Twilight may never achieve.

And what does she have instead? A couple of flashy spells and enough insecurities to flood the very tome before her several times over.)

There's not much I can offer you, Twilight; you're in a far better position than I am and apparently I can't get over that. All I can give you is an example of who not to be...

[brokethefourthwall]

Or you could maybe

you know

not forget who you are!

[magicalrealist]

By this point, I'm not even sure who that is.

[friendship_reporter]

By all rights it should be the Princess talking to you and not me, but... well. Your mun isn't the only one being unreasonable. Again.

Let me just say that dropping is the worst thing you can do. As it stands... maybe this is it. The last bridge burned, the last tie severed. Maybe after this you can actually start being your own pony.

We aren't exactly the same, you and I. Not like the others. And... maybe all you really need is to stop trying to be Twilight Sparkle and start trying to be you.

[magicalrealist]

...I...don't even know who I am anymore. The only possible hint at my own identity is failure, unreasonable jealousy and constant insecurity.

I'm unstable...I'm a virus. The last thing anyone needs is someone as infectious as I am.

[cruel_kindness]

...That's it. Shut the buck up because you, me, 'Shy, and the rest of the girls are going to have some sort of bucking sleepover so you can stop being such a grumpybutt when that whole thing with you being Nightmare Moon is over. No ifs, and, or butts.

[magicalrealist]

I don't think a sleepover going to fix, Cruelly; knowing me, I would take away from everyone else's fun with my own problems...and why should they have to suffer for my mistakes?

[littledevil]

...You know, you sound grumpier than both Lady Remilia on a particularly rainy day and Miss Patchouli after Marisa 'visited' and 'borrowed' some books.

[And she really doesn't know what she should say to all that.]

[magicalrealist]

Chances are, I probably am. I'm just not going to waste my time taking it out on my mun.

(Although she wouldn't mind kicking his face in, at least.)

[polyturtle]

...Twilight...

[magicalrealist]

...If it helps, I think Equestria will let up on you; gotta save that ire for the new flavor of the month, after all.

[forwhomthebelltolls]

So mebbe hyu declared var on Equestria. But hyu vuz stopped and hy dun tink hyur friends are gonna hold it against hyu.

[magicalrealist]

Sure, I was stopped, but I let Nightmare Moon get that far by not being able to push her away...and yet, that's exactly what I did to all of my friends. It doesn't seem right for them to not hold it against me.

[ponymechanic]

Nobody is going to blame you for that. It's not your fault that you got possessed by that force that possessed Princess Luna a thousand years ago.

Dropping won't help anyone and it certainly won't help you or your mun. I really do think your mun really is trying to help but they don't really know how to do so the right way. The things you've gone through isn't exactly something that can be easily fixed.

[magicalrealist]

The last thing I want and/or need is his help. His help is exactly what brought me here in the first place...and I don't just mean here on Dear_Mun, glaring daggers at him. He brought me to Mayfield, he brought me to Equestria and he let me get possessed by Nightmare Moon and that's without mentioning the slew of problems between all of those events. If dropping won't help, then I don't know what will.

(No Twilight, I'm not going to drop you, no matter how many times you ask.)