A very upset unicorn's thoughts on mylittlejamjar's Nightmare Night

[magicalrealist]

(The unicorn doesn't seem to be paying much attention to anything besides the tome levitated in front of her.)

...What else is there for me to say to you? What can I possibly say to you right now that I haven't said many times before? You never listen to me, you never take my feelings into consideration and your attempts to "help me feel better" have only made things worse.

(I know you're angry and I know this looks bad, but I can fix this!)

Angry? Angry?

(She looks up with a piercing glare as her horn crackles with lightning. Eventually, she returns to her unnerving calmness.)

Angry doesn't even begin to describe how I feel about this...about any of this. And before you say anything else, mundane, let me go down the list:

☑ Potentially irreversible existentialism and matching identity issues
☑ Crushing nihilistic viewpoints
☑ Summoning magic that's caused much more harm than good
☑ The inability to be happy for my friends and instead being jealous
☑ Getting possessed by Nightmare Moon and declaring war on Equestria
☑ Extreme discomfort from looking at any events past Cadence's and Shining Armor's wedding
☑ Potentially losing all of my friends due to my (meaning your) selfishness

What happened to the days when we did things just for the sake of being fun? Back when things were simple and didn't end in overwhelming depression? The only thing left from those days is my journal name.

(She flips the page.)

So no, mundane; I'm not going to waste my time begging, groveling or even yelling at you anymore. It did nothing back then and that's never going to change, so go ahead and keep playing the schadenfreude card; I'm not interested anymore. I would say to go and fill out that drop page and put me out of my misery, but since we've established that there's no communication link between us, I'll save myself the trouble.

Comments

[kuukai]

So whatcher saying is, being a pony is suffering.

[ Said ironically by the red-maned magical girl who's currently chowing down on a box of Pocky, munching on one stick after another. ]

[heartmaestro]

[ Have a silent pat on the head, Twi. Luckily, no one ever told her about the whole 'data copy' business, so she didn't have an existential crisis, but she feels ya. ]

[mommy_twi]

[You know that feeling? When you want to help someone but you don't know how? It's hitting her like a ton of bricks right now.]

...I'm so sorry Twilight.

[magicalrealist]

Not exactly. Ponies in general aren't too bad...I'm just the outlier.

I'll give you points for the self-referential humor, at least.

[thesunislaw]

I sincerely wish I could offer words of advice, my dear student, but I will not pretend I am in any position to be able to influence your mundane into being more cooperative. Perhaps they will do so on their own in time, but for the time being, all I am able to say is to stay strong. I realize such things can be deeply scarring, but you know as well as I do that one cannot allow even the worst of times to-

[/record scratch. Wait, what did she list there?!]

One moment... Nightmare Moon?

[kuukai]

[ She grins. ] Good. I'm keeping track. I'll redeem that later, magic-user.

[ Crunch. ] So you don't like your mundane? [ Leans in close. ] Doesn't matter. They're ultimately your decisions. Own up to 'em, huh?

[patchworkkitty]

So what are you going to do about it?

[marearcana]

...

[This is probably the last pony you want to see right now.]

I...

[It seems as if she realizes this. And it's hard.

The fact that here, she realizes something like this may have to happen again... is the worst part. From where she can see.]

...No one will blame you for that. And as selfish as I know this is going to sound, I don't want you to leave.

I don't know what anything you've gone through is like. I don't think I can understand.

I don't know... if I can help you.

[magicalrealist]

(In her heart, Twilight knows that Kotomi understands. Hell, they were side by side most of the time; roughly half of the unicorn's checklist was directly because of Mayfield. Still, it's enough to get her eyes to slowly slide off of those pages and down on to the floor. Twilight...isn't exactly sure what to say, but she feels Kotomi knows her well enough that it doesn't have to be said outloud. Her head hangs low.)

[magicalrealist]

(Strangely, being on the other side of that table hurts as well. She's silent for a moment as she takes a deep breath.)

...Please don't blame yourself, mom; it's not your fault. I'm the only one to blame, here...

[magicalrealist]

It's exactly what it sounds like, princess. I don't know the specifics, but she took hold of the darkness in me and used it to power her own. I tried to fight her off, but by that point, I didn't stand a chance. All I could do was watch as she took over and...

(Twilight cringes and then slams the tome shut, looking away in shame.)

I want to say it's over now, but I can't.

[magicalrealist]

About what, exactly?

tl;dr effects of playing a fountain of useless facts

[heartmaestro]

[ There's a moment of silence before Kotomi folds her hands in her lap, and says ]

Tonight was All Hallow's Evening, which begins triduum of Hallowmas in Western Christian tradition. It was originally an observance to remember the dead, mainly martyrs and saints. Halloween itself was believed to be the night that the veil between the living and the dead was the thinnest, hence the ceremonies for the departed.

[ A thoughtful pause. She's unsure if they celebrate Hallowmas or commercialized Halloween in Equestria, but based on what she's gathered, they don't seem to have an allegory for Christianity. She thinks. Do ponies have organized religion...? ]

That town's interpretation of the holiday was not as upsetting as one would think. It's...ironic. Isn't the purpose of modern Halloween to be frightened...? Yet this was one of their most harmless doings in my experience, compared to the feats they pulled off later in the year.

[ Headtilt. At this point she's partially talking to herself. ]

I suppose the premature burials were upsetting to some, but everyone did reappear the next day in a monster-movie fashion...

[brokethefourthwall]

Or you could maybe

you know

not forget who you are!

[friendship_reporter]

By all rights it should be the Princess talking to you and not me, but... well. Your mun isn't the only one being unreasonable. Again.

Let me just say that dropping is the worst thing you can do. As it stands... maybe this is it. The last bridge burned, the last tie severed. Maybe after this you can actually start being your own pony.

We aren't exactly the same, you and I. Not like the others. And... maybe all you really need is to stop trying to be Twilight Sparkle and start trying to be you.

[mommy_twi]

[Her motherly instincts begin to kick in. She embraces her daughter with a hug, with tears flowing in her eyes. She feels it's a minuscule gesture but its all she can think to do.]

Nopony should have to go what you've been through Twilight.

[patchworkkitty]

What are you going to do now that you've been taken so low?

Are you going to lay and let your inner darkness take hold of you? Or you going to stand?

[thesunislaw]

I see. That is a dark and powerful force; not even Luna was able to resist it, a thousand years ago. You are aware of how that turned out.

Regardless, you see her now, having gone through that ordeal and being cleansed of it, not just by the Elements, but by the efforts of a certain, kind-hearted group of ponies. From what my mundane tells me of your situation, it is similar. Do you see all those who have braved the Everfree forest and its nightmares to resist the darkness? Not only natives, but those from off-world, for whom much less is at stake. Nopony is an island, Twilight Sparkle. Things may seem grim, but you need not face your darkness alone. Draw your strength from them. Even if they do not know of your plight, they still resist, because they know they have a chance. Resist with them, and it shall be over soon. Your friends shall see to it you come out alright.

[magicalrealist]

I don't know if I can be helped.

(The response is quick and sharp...too quick and sharp. Twilight stops reading and merely stares at the book. There's an uncomfortably long silence before the unicorn can respond. It's...very hard for her to gauge how she feels about her counterpart. Part of her still sees what could've been, what she's not and what she never will be...but that's not Princess Twilight's fault; she's happy with her life and that should be all that matters...but it's not. The unicorn couldn't care less about the crown or the wings. What she cared about was what they represented: a special kind of balance that the younger Twilight may never achieve.

And what does she have instead? A couple of flashy spells and enough insecurities to flood the very tome before her several times over.)

There's not much I can offer you, Twilight; you're in a far better position than I am and apparently I can't get over that. All I can give you is an example of who not to be...

[magicalrealist]

By this point, I'm not even sure who that is.

[brokethefourthwall]

[Blink.]

You're Twilight Sparkle.

[marearcana]

I may not know what you need to start doing, but that has to stop.

[It's the smallest lead. There's no guarantee this will work.]

You are not worthless. You are not a bad example. I don't expect anypony, except maybe Princess Celestia, to have done no wrong. In fact the last pony I expect to have not made any mistakes ever is standing in front of me, even though you choose to define yourself by what we don't share.

[But if there's a million-to-one odds against, there's a one-in-a-million opportunity.]

If either of us thought that we wouldn't be here. You're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. And the way I see it you have nowhere to go but up.

[magicalrealist]

...I...don't even know who I am anymore. The only possible hint at my own identity is failure, unreasonable jealousy and constant insecurity.

I'm unstable...I'm a virus. The last thing anyone needs is someone as infectious as I am.

[magicalrealist]

(She glances up, then back at her book.)

You think I don't plan on that? I can only blame my mun while I'm out here. Back in Equestria, the only one to blame is myself.

...I'll confess to everything once I'm ready to face them again. Right now, I just want to work off the initial emotion.

[friendship_reporter]

You're what you make of yourself. An original character in a story you're writing. If you want to be a jealous, insecure failure, a blight on Equestria? Fine. You can do that, nopony's stopping you.

If you want to be something more, though, you have to take the reins from your mun. You have to tell him to sit the buck down, and steer your own life. You've been way too passive for as long as I've known you. I know, because I used to be like that, too. All it got me was my mun using me as a sock-puppet, a strawmare, and little more than death and humiliation. And then he felt like he was getting chased out of town, and took me with him.

Now I can never get back the dignity I lost. It's not just that I'm confused or lost like you are, it's that I'm never going to get the chance again. He refuses to play me anywhere, and I refuse to be his toy.

You still have a chance. Don't let him rule over you. You didn't bow to Zemekis, you never bowed to Zetta nor Lucifer nor any other tyrant who came your way.

Don't let him just use you as a cheap source of pathos and then get rid of you when you can't give any more emotion out. Stand up again and fight him. Carve out your own destiny. His life is hard? TOO BAD. Demand he bend to your whims, for once! Give back what he gave to you. Take control of your life.