Jan Valentine (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bitchinbeanie) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
dear_mun2012-03-01 11:33 pm
bitchinbeanie) wrote in dear_mun2012-03-01 11:33 pm
Entry tags:
maybe... considering newbabylon..........
Oh, like you fucking know what you're doing, pulling an AU outta your ass.
Okay, check it out, here's the AU: one day there was this sweet-ass dude named Jan Valentine, right? And his dick wasn't just the size of the Eiffel Tower, no, fuck that. His dick was the Eiffel Tower. (Wait, do these bitches have the Eiffel Tower in this universe? Fuck, I dunno, just go with it.) So anyway, big steely French dong, right, and all the bitches were, like, ooooh! Mr Valentine! Let's go sightseeing! So they did, right up until the President of Titty Island was like, Valentine! We need a monumentally-dicked smooth motherfucker to extract these totally smoking spy-babes that got their asses captured over on Lesbian Peninsula! Why the fuck lesbians decided to live on a peninsula, you would have to ask them. You'd think they'd put their asses down in the Grand Canyon, or some shit. But whatever, this is the story, right, don't fucking question it. So Jan was like, aye-aye sir! And used his giant cock to catapult himself over to Lesbos Peninsula, like a fucking Olympic pole-vaulter. Then?
Orgy.
The fucking end. It's all the backstory you're gonna fucking need, trust me.
Okay, check it out, here's the AU: one day there was this sweet-ass dude named Jan Valentine, right? And his dick wasn't just the size of the Eiffel Tower, no, fuck that. His dick was the Eiffel Tower. (Wait, do these bitches have the Eiffel Tower in this universe? Fuck, I dunno, just go with it.) So anyway, big steely French dong, right, and all the bitches were, like, ooooh! Mr Valentine! Let's go sightseeing! So they did, right up until the President of Titty Island was like, Valentine! We need a monumentally-dicked smooth motherfucker to extract these totally smoking spy-babes that got their asses captured over on Lesbian Peninsula! Why the fuck lesbians decided to live on a peninsula, you would have to ask them. You'd think they'd put their asses down in the Grand Canyon, or some shit. But whatever, this is the story, right, don't fucking question it. So Jan was like, aye-aye sir! And used his giant cock to catapult himself over to Lesbos Peninsula, like a fucking Olympic pole-vaulter. Then?
Orgy.
The fucking end. It's all the backstory you're gonna fucking need, trust me.
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[god those poor women must have low standards if that's true anyway]
Or maybe that's just the overactive imagination talking again.
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Turns out the bitch was wrong, though. I mean, all I gotta do's lookit my pile of bitches to know that!
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You mean all those people telling you off right now? 'Cause I can't see anyone tripping over themselves wanting to get into bed with you.
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But hey, if that's how you measure your own self-worth, you're a special kind of loser, anyway.