maybe... considering newbabylon..........

[bitchinbeanie]

Oh, like you fucking know what you're doing, pulling an AU outta your ass.

Okay, check it out, here's the AU: one day there was this sweet-ass dude named Jan Valentine, right? And his dick wasn't just the size of the Eiffel Tower, no, fuck that. His dick was the Eiffel Tower. (Wait, do these bitches have the Eiffel Tower in this universe? Fuck, I dunno, just go with it.) So anyway, big steely French dong, right, and all the bitches were, like, ooooh! Mr Valentine! Let's go sightseeing! So they did, right up until the President of Titty Island was like, Valentine! We need a monumentally-dicked smooth motherfucker to extract these totally smoking spy-babes that got their asses captured over on Lesbian Peninsula! Why the fuck lesbians decided to live on a peninsula, you would have to ask them. You'd think they'd put their asses down in the Grand Canyon, or some shit. But whatever, this is the story, right, don't fucking question it. So Jan was like, aye-aye sir! And used his giant cock to catapult himself over to Lesbos Peninsula, like a fucking Olympic pole-vaulter. Then?

Orgy.

The fucking end. It's all the backstory you're gonna fucking need, trust me.

Comments

[singlemanlytear]

Charming.

[allucinator]

See, the problem with all that is it's too damn long. Ain't nobody gonna stick around to listen to all that.

[bitchinbeanie]

That's what I'm thinking! I like the part where I fuck about fifteen thousand bitches at once. Just stacking 'em like kebabs at a barbecue. How about you, what shit tickles your fancy?

[survivalism]

... That's quite the overactive imagination you have there, kiddo.

[And of course BB's thinking that's because you haven't gotten laid in a looooooooong time, if ever. Poor guy.]

[bitchinbeanie]

No, fuck you, they gotta listen to that shit. Fuckin' legally obliged and shit.

fuck yeah i get to use this icon

[oxfordian]

My -- My God.

[bitchinbeanie]

You, my cyclopean brother, are looking at pure, unadulterated truth. You can fucking taste it. In all the verbs and shit.

AND I WILL CONSIDER TODAY A PERSONAL VICTORY FOR IT

[bitchinbeanie]

You called?

[oxfordian]

Your language is astounding, and that is not a compliment.

[allucinator]

Says who? Cuz I'll tell you one thin', I were half fallin' asleep durin' it.

[bitchinbeanie]

Like you didn't know I'd take it as one anyway, you suave motherfucker. I see what you're doing there!

[bitchinbeanie]

Says the law, bitch.

Or says me, anyway.

S'like the same goddamn thing, whatever.

[oxfordian]

( SUCH SKEPTICISM. )

Excuse me? And what, exactly, am I doing here?

[allucinator]

Yeah, right, okay. Still ain't impressed, bucko, so you might wanna try harder. Or just stop.

[bitchinbeanie]

You, sir, are trying to charm my goddamn pants off. Aren't you. Aren't you.

[bitchinbeanie]

That's just cuz you're a lesbo yourself.

[allucinator]

Keep tellin' yourself that tonight, maybe it'll stop you from cryin' yourself to sleep.

[bitchinbeanie]

You shitting me? Come on, if you weren't, you'd be jumping my French monument as we fuckin' speak. All Ooooh Jan, gimme cunt-tetanus! Lemme scope my fuckin' house from the top! Let's do it!

No use lying. I read it like a fuckin' book.

[singlemanlytear]

I did enjoy the part about the 81-storey iron tower.

[bitchinbeanie]

I fucking knew you were a man of taste, bro.

[allucinator]

Or maybe I just like somebody who ain't obviously compensatin' for somethin'. Tell the truth, now, is it any bigger than your thumb? It's all right, I won't laugh if it ain't.

[oxfordian]

I beg your pardon!

That is entirely not what I am after, in any sense of the phrase.

[bitchinbeanie]

Hey, it's okay, you don't gotta play hard to get! I mean, you do gotta sprout a pussy if you want a shot, but I mean, after you pull that off. We're all buds here.

[bitchinbeanie]

Bitch, you are breaking my heart. Me and my giant cock. Both our hearts. We're gonna go sob into some fucking ice cream cartons.

flahs;dflalsdflh

[oxfordian]

I --

( ok ok FINE )


That is hardly a capability of my mutation, I'm afraid.