Karkat made a new friend

[malignantrage]

OH MY GOD!
I SWEAR EACH SUCCESSIVE MUSE THAT ENTERS YOUR HEAD IS A BIGGER ASSHOLE THAN THE LAST.
I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS POSSIBLE FOR ANYONE TO BE MORE OF A DOUCHEBAG THAN DAVE
BUT SOMEHOW STRIDER NUMBER TWO PULLS IT OFF.
DIRK ACTS LIKE HE'S THE HOTTEST SHIT EVEN THOUGH HE LITERALLY BLOWS CHUNKS ALL THE WAY OUT THE PROTEIN CHUTE.
WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS TO TELL ME WHO I CAN AND CAN'T HAVE A CRUSH ON?
I AM THE EXPERT ON ROMANCE.
ME, NOT HIM.
AND THE LAST THING I NEED IS SOME INSUFFERABLE PRICK TELLING ME WHO I CAN'T DATE.
SERIOUSLY, GET THIS SMUG, NOOK SNIFFING BASTARD OUT OF HERE.
DIRK IS SUCH A DICK.
HE IS SUCH A DICK THAT DICK IS GOING TO BE HIS NAME FROM NOW ON.
WHENEVER I SAY THE WORD DICK IN THE FUTURE PLEASE ASSUME I'M TALKING ABOUT DIRK.
ALSO, DICK IS COMPLETELY DISRESPECTFUL OF MY PERSONAL SPACE.
I GUESS IT RUNS IN THE STRIDER FAMILY.
IF HE FLICKS MY HORNS WITH HIS FINGERS ONE MORE TIME I AM GOING TO SHIT SO MUCH RAGE SNAKE THAT THIS ENTIRE THINK PAN WILL BE FULL OF IT.
NOT THAT IT ALREADY ISN'T, BECAUSE WE BOTH KNOW YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT.

Comments

I believe nook is slang for vagina, dude.

[splinteredlife]

Man, what the fuck?
I feel like I should be embarrassed on behalf of the highly questionable, asshole splinter of me living near you and suffering from a massive case of second hand embarrassment at this transparent as fuck attempt at hate seduction at the same time.
Though I don't know if this counts as hate flirtation if it's with yourself,
Or if your mun is writing it at themselves. However the hell that works.
I guess it's your player having you hate flirt with the version of me in their crawlspace while dangling bait out for the more moronic versions of me to bite.
Congratulations, I suppose. They and you got one.
So did you want something aside from airing this stream of complaints or is that it?

It sort of is, but Karkat doesn't give a fuck.

[malignantrage]

NO STRIDER, YOU STUPID SHIT.
THIS ISN'T A BLACK SOLICITATION OR ANYTHING EVEN REMOTELY RESEMBLING ONE.
THIS IS PURE, SEETHING, PLATONIC HATE THE LIKES OF WHICH YOU HAVE NEVER KNOWN.
I ALREADY TOLD THE GUY IN THE CRAWLSPACE THAT I DON'T FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT HIM.
I DON'T THINK HE HAS ANY IDEA WHAT HE'S DOING.
HUMANS ARE NOTORIOUSLY BAD AT UNDERSTANDING CALIGINOUS RELATIONSHIPS IN THE FIRST PLACE.
HE THINKS THAT PROVOKING ME IS JUST THE MOST ENTERTAINING SHIT AND HE DOESN'T REALIZE HOW AWKWARD HE'S MAKING THIS FOR BOTH OF US.
TO BE HONEST YOU OR ANY OTHER VERSION OF YOU ARE THE LAST PERSON I EXPECTED TO COMMENT HERE.
WHY WOULD YOU EVEN REPLY TO A HATE THREAD UNLESS YOU WANTED TO BE HATED?
IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

Just making sure.

[splinteredlife]

Alright, I don't really care anyway.
And I definitely don't want to hear another rant about your extremely unplatonic hatred toward some other version of me. Let's drop it and move onto something else.

So it was just the complaints. Cool.
Look, it sounds like you need some help here. That or your player does, I honestly can't tell which it is. I'll be a charitable dude and hand you some free advice on a silver platter,
I don't do anything without a reason.
If that splinter of me is hassling you it isn't for shits and giggles. And it isn't because he hasn't thought about how awkward things are getting, he should be well aware of quadrants and what they entail.
What you're describing sounds more like my Auto-Responder than me.
Actually, yeah. Maybe that's who your player has running around their head? That would explain the insane antics they're getting up to and persistent way they're trying to get your goat.
The only other way I can make sense of that crush blocking horseshit you were spouting earlier is if you and he are dating or if you're into someone insanely bad for you.

[splinteredlife]

I've got some news, dude.
My player is sending me with a message and a heads up. Apparently they're disinclined to continue this thread, I don't know why. You'd have to ask them.
See you around.