dear_mun | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

No, I don't think this is right, either. You know I like your sister and Mr. Mackey, but everyone else? It just sort of feels...wrong. I mean, the etiquette, alone, right? I guess I just feel like...there's gotta better reasons to leave the house, you know?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It's less kicking people and more...not speaking with them, I guess. Limiting my range of contact. ...Again.

...Life is about cycles kid. Eventually you'll find the people who make sense.

I mean you have the god-given legal right to associate with whoever you want for whatever length of time you want.

People can't handle that. [he looks out over the horizon] fuck um'. What-do-you-call-it. Smoozing. It's an art form. You just nod, smile, move on and stick to the people who matter.

Yeah, I'm kinda trying to figure that out. I've met a few new people I like, but. I don't know, it's just...hard, sorta.

Show me a person who isn't still figuring things out and I'll show you a robot.

...Or something that's not human.

...[frown] I'm not one for fucking metaphor but look I mean I was still figuring things out that I let myself get taken over by somebody looking to manipulate me.

I guess I know a couple people who...well, maybe not.

I've already played that game. I mean. Everyone who would have manipulated me is dead, anyway.

A couple of robots? You know robots? ...They're not here to fuck with us right?

[He's trying to tease. it's so awkward. He's not good at it at all.]

[There is a very real flinch at the word "game" but then he smiles.]

Same here. ...Kind of odd isn't it?

[Little smile. She can tell he was trying, at least.] Well, I know one guy whose friends call him a robot. But I don't think he's got anything figured out, either.

Sometimes. The odd part is probably that I'm glad about people being dead.

[He manages a knowing smirk. Which becomes very real when he hears that last remark.

He tries to cover it quickly. The joy of consorting with people in this world of ours.]

..Was it them or you? A matter of survival?

With my dad, yeah. In the end.

It goes away after awhile.

A lot of people are going to think you're fucking callous-refusing to mourn or you know, pity-try and look for another solution but sadly that's the way it is in some situations.

You or them. you do talk like a survivor.

I'm trying to be. I spent most of my life dying and not wanting to. Now that's not, you know, imminent anymore, I'm doing my best to keep it that way.

I guess I don't really care what most other people think. Or at least most of them that I know.

There's a line that my sister used to say. "Those who matter don't mind. And those who mind don't matter." She put it on a big banner in the front of her class for all the kids to look at.

I like that. A lot. And it's pretty true, I think.

The full quote is "be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

They all came from this book about this little pig thing. Ten bucks at your nearest bookstore. [he studies his hands, remembering.]

as counterbalance to that I'm oblidged to offer the quote she printed on a coffee mug for me. "You don't get Harmony when everybody sings the same note."

However that mug broke, so take from it what you will.

I've never seen that book before. It must be...well, I guess it could be new, it's not really that weird if I haven't seen something.

I think the broken mug might just mean now you have to remember the quote, for yourself, instead of drinking out of it.

...That still pisses me off. Kids should be out making mistakes, not kept from doing it. Growing up may be shit, but on the good days...It's the best..

[he's not going to finish that thought.]

[snort] You're a kid, and you're young. So I'm going to say this once and I think you might get what I'm talking about. Everybody sings notes, you can get harmony yeah-but you can also get discord. Most of the time..unfortunately people get fucking discord. When harmony happens it needs to be preserved, but most of the time...it doesn't.

That's why the first one's much more important. And it's the one more people tend to follow.

Oh, I think I've made enough mistakes to last me a lifetime, in no time at all.

I think I'd rather do the first. I'm trying to sing what I want to sing and I don't really want to worry about how well it does or doesn't blend with everyone on this stupid island.

....[frown. That's all. Just a frown.]

....Picture being somebody who can't carry a tune and being here. Make sure to sing loud enough for those of us in that position yeah?

...Everything is like an opera, where I come from. I'm not sure I know what it's like to not be able to at least sort of sing.

So. [Smile.] I'll do what I can.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only