Canon is the Mistborn Trilogy by Brandon Sanderson

[notladrian]

Not that I would dream of dragging you away from pleasurable pursuits in the name of dilligence, but it sounds as though you're neglecting the grand adventures of my canon in favour of watching competitive housekeeping. How exactly does one not only bake, but Bake-Off?

No, I am not particularly interested in watching it with you, but I suppose I don't enjoy the luxury of excusing myself, do I?

[IN THE DISTANCE, THE OPENING SCENES OF THE GREAT BRITISH BAKE-OFF PLAY.]

...So the plants truly are green in some lands. I doubt any of us could have imagined how beautiful that would be.

[...SEVERAL ROUNDS OF BREADSTICKS LATER...]

Ahh, the food of the aristocracy, tiny portions, strong in spices. Why do you never eat like this?

[...AND THEN SOME DECORATIVE LOAVES ARE BAKED...]

This must be some form of elaborate self torment in your culture. Them, for subjecting themselves to the critical whims of your culinary celebrities, and you for spending hours at a time gazing upon the creation of gourmet loaves while stocking your own closet with the most floppy, cheap excuse for bread I've ever seen...

...Wait, was the former episode about cakes? Come, we shall watch that one now.

Comments

[indispensible]

It seems like you're suffering very much.

[notladrian]

I am! From a land of famine to a place where they live to stare at pictures of food.

It's torment. But don't let my woes trouble you, dear girl, how are you?

[indispensible]

Your woes don't trouble me at all.

I'm surviving. [zing]

[notladrian]

Of course they don't, I'm sure you have much greater concerns than your poor old friends. Dismaying yourself with fellow religious icons only, I presume?

[indispensible]

Of course.

[Flat. So flat. Rude, Breeze, get out.]

And working.

[notladrian]

[Damn, Vin, you seem extra cold today. He'll just. Crank down your hostility a little. /soothe soothe soothe.]

Working like I did with Kelsier, or like we did with Elend?

[indispensible]

Yes.

[Also, INTENSE GLARE. Stop doing that. Right now.]

[notladrian]

[And lo, the soothing stops dead.]

This reminds me of old times, before you trusted any of us. Only then at least you never noticed me soothing you, so we were afforded at least the illusion of fondness.

[indispensible]

I trust you. That doesn't mean I have to like you all the time.

[jk she likes you all the time. well like 90% of the time.]

[shakenandlimp]

I'd give my other leg for any one of'm as ship cook. Though I'd get as big as Lucky Jack eating their fare, haha!

[notladrian]

But alas, the only one that would choose a life at sea would have to be quite truly insane, and I suspect that would affect the food somewhat...

[shakenandlimp]

Captain's Steward ain't so bad a job, on a ship of the line. And if you are certain Captains, there's always the press gang.

But I should say near all the stewards I've known are volunteers and get along pretty well! Mind you, if it was that old gray-haired salt with such high judgement he'd have to have some gun drill to settle him.

[notladrian]

Perhaps it is different where you are from. In my land, the stewards do not choose to be stewards, and the artisan would never choose to be servants, not even those whose only craft falls to consumption anyway.

[shakenandlimp]

Not much of a sense of pride and honour, have they?

I am not the richest captain in the Navy, but I should think my steward would have a pretty good run of it. It wouldn't be such a bad thing at all.

[He lifts his chin because working for other people is perfectly respectable, man.]

[pinkfluffball]

Breezy!

[ look out, pink incoming.

rioting also probably incoming. ]

[notladrian]

Alrianne?

[Oh god, is his far too young, far too beautiful, far too perfect girlfriend really showing up while he's fantasizing about gourmet cakes?

He should feel ashamed! Oh, if only she'd let him feel ashamed!]

[pinkfluffball]

[ She THROWS HER ARMS DRAMATICALLY AROUND HIS NECK because when Alrianne does something, she does it in all caps. ]

It was getting so boring here! My mun wouldn't let me out at all.

[notladrian]

[Well, that's only to be expected isn't it? And it would only be rude not to put his arms carefully around her in return...]

Mmm, I can imagine. Perhaps you inspire as much protectiveness in them as you do in your esteemed father? And perhaps they failed to notice how poorly he managed the task of keeping you from doing as you pleased...

[pinkfluffball]

No, she just thinks I'm exhausting. Can you imagine?

[ The correct answer is no. No, you can't imagine. You can't, okay. ]

I thought you'd never show up.

[ And she relaxes, here, happy, pressed all up against Breeze. ]

[notladrian]

You may be many things to many people my dear, but exhausting? Never. She's clearly just weak in natural stamina.

[In fact he always feels more energized after being around Alrianne. Can't think why.]

You've not been waiting too long for me, have you?

[He eases back a fraction now, to get a better look at her.]

[pinkfluffball]

[ This easing back is acceptable, as long as it is accompanied by a) handholding or b) taking her arm and strolling along romantically or c) both. ]

Oh... I don't know. Six months.

[ She gives a little shrug, for once downplaying how miserable she felt with nothing to do. ]

[notladrian]

[He might have taken her arm in anticipation of some romantic strolling. Maybe. But her reply causes his expression to crease into a little frown.]

Enough time to build an army or threaten an empire. Far too long for you to have been alone.

[He might be giving her hand a little squeeze at that. The world is clearly not enough.]

[pinkfluffball]

It's not too awful. Mostly, I just come and go, and she's focusing on the ratty little Mistborn.

[ u g h ]

There are so many things I want a chance to do.

[notladrian]

[Ratty little mistborn. Well, Breeze is completely certain that Alrianne wouldn't refer to Vin like that, and even less likely Kelsier, so... which other Mistborns do they know...?]

Who, Elend?

[It's still pretty strange to think of her calling Elend ratty, but more likely than Vin...]

Are there now? Well, why not tell me of them? What have you got in your sights, Lady Cett?

[pinkfluffball]

Zane. He was Straff's Mistborn.

[ She shudders. ]

I don't know what she sees in him.