Pulling out the muse to vent, muse is not amused.

[un_beau_coquin]

You would like my advice? Simply drop. I 'ave 'ad enough of your complaining. You would like to play more? You know I am popular, zhe obvious solution is to post 'ere.

...Oui, je sais. You are not confident in playing me, we 'ave been zhrough zhis before. It will not be difficult to-- what was it? "Canon review"? So if you are willing to put effort into stressing yourself over zhese ozher games wizh zhose stupid children, zhen you should 'ave time to read some comics. You could even play our game, zhat should be fun, oui?

[A long suffering sigh.] You truly are pazhetic, child. Your desire to play should not be so dependent on zhe state of my love life.

Comments

[not_onyourside]

Love life? Oh do share.

[un_beau_coquin]

Non-existent.

Believe me, nozhing especially interesting. I suppose zhat is why she doesn't bozher to bring me out anymore.

[not_onyourside]

Oh zhere ees more to life zhan who's trousers you are getting eento.

[un_beau_coquin]

I know. But apparently it is not worth playing out.

Per'aps if you can suggest somezhing exciting enough, she may be convinced.

[not_onyourside]

Non? Zhere ees much more to do een zhis place zhan be naked. Zhough naturally zhat ees zhe preferred mezzod of entertainment.

Oh your future ees een my hands? I am honoured.

[un_beau_coquin]

You do not need to tell me. I am more zhan aware of zhese simple facts of life. I'm afraid you cannot always please even the simplest of imbeciles.

And wizh good reason. Alzhough at zhis point, anyzhing is preferable to sitting around on my ass.

[not_onyourside]

Hmm. My suggestion also eenvolved you sitting around on your ass. Zhough wez significantly less clozzing.

[un_beau_coquin]

[He sighs.]

I suppose I'd still like to 'ear it.

[not_onyourside]

Oh do not look so depressed mon ami. What can we do to cheer you up, hmm?

[He walks around him in a circle, trailing a finger across the other Spy's lapel.]

[un_beau_coquin]

[He quirks a brow. Is he supposed to play along, or...?]

A 'ot bath and a pint of ice cream is out of zhe question, oui? [A slight smirk.] Oh, surprise me.

[not_onyourside]

Mmm, a bazh does sound pleasant.

[Time to stand behind him and nuzzle comfortably into the back of his neck.]

Whatever will help you relax.

Ohai

[ex_haveaplan64]

(Did someone say love life?

Have I mentioned how much this Sniper hates his mun already?)

Love's overrated.

hello \o/ it's you!!!

[un_beau_coquin]

I'm well aware.

[A slight smirk.] Zhough I was mostly referring to sex, mon ami.

wave your hands in the air, shake it like you don't care

[ex_haveaplan64]

Sex is also overrated.

[un_beau_coquin]

And zhose are zhe words of a man who 'as not 'ad very good luck wizh 'is sex life.

[ex_haveaplan64]

You really must be out 'f it. Th' Scout could think 'f better comebacks than that.

[un_beau_coquin]

[He covers his chest with his hands.] Oh 'ow you wound me, mon ami. Comparing me to zhe Scout... My one weakness!

Now, shall I congratulate you on your attempt to change zhe subject?

[ex_haveaplan64]

There is no subject t' change. Nothing's different since th' last toime we talked t' each other.

[un_beau_coquin]

I might need a refresher, I'm afraid my memory is not what it used to be, mon ami.

[And while he wears a light smile, he's watching Sniper closely. What the man is willing to admit is rather important.]

[ex_haveaplan64]

(He pretends to not notice the Spy doing what spies do best.)

My mun's been sitting around on her arse doing a 'ole lot 'f nothing, so I've been snoiping BLUs for quoite some toime.

[un_beau_coquin]

Mmn. So nozhing interesting, zhen. Zhere is no need to get so... prickly at zhe subject of love and sex, oui?

[ex_haveaplan64]

Wot can I say, once bitten, twoice shoi.

(At this point Sniper's, like, octuple shy because his mun likes to watch him suffer.)

[un_beau_coquin]

Your poor, bleeding 'eart. I never zhought of you as zhe type to get involved to zhe point zhat you come out, well... as such.

[ex_haveaplan64]

And woi, pray tell, would I do such a thing? Moight as well wave a goiant soign saying "'ang me".

[un_beau_coquin]

Am I to assume zhat you do not take responsibility for your past, zhen?

[ex_haveaplan64]

I was rogering 'im, not the other way around--'e was th' one int' taking it up th' bum.

(Blame his dad, blame Australia, blame 1960s social conventions, or blame his own deep denial, but the Sniper will forever see himself as Straight with Exceptions.)

I don't look at anyone, bloke or sheilah, and think first thing that I'd want t' get them in bed with me.

1/2

[un_beau_coquin]

[He blinks. That's more information than he's expecting.]

Alright. I 'ave yet to say anyzhing on zhe matter, mon ami. Do not be so 'asty.

[un_beau_coquin]

[However, a smirk pulls at his lips.] So-- you are single now?

[ex_haveaplan64]

And not looking.

[hasstandards]

I'll never know why those mundanes are so bloody interested in our personal lives in the first place. Mine insists that stickin' her nose in my business is sometimes more fun than lettin' me do my job.

[un_beau_coquin]

Zhey are interested because zhey 'ave no lives of zheir own, it is as simple as zhat.

Zhough I suppose I can understand 'er interest in yours, seeing as you become so adorably flustered when pushed zhe right ways.

[hasstandards]

Oh no you don't. We're not talking about this again.

[That's Sniper for "I do not."]

[un_beau_coquin]

But I am wizhout all zhe little details. Surely you would not deprive me of such enjoyment?

[hasstandards]

You must not know me very well if you'd think for one second I'd tell you anything, mate.

[un_beau_coquin]

Oh, oui, zhis is true. I must 'ave mistaken you for someone who understands zhe meaning of zhe word "fun".

[hasstandards]

Tellin' you about my personal business would be fun for you. Not for me.

Not that there's anything to tell, as it is.

[un_beau_coquin]

We could make it fun for you, but I suppose zhat would indeed be a long process. Just 'ow long is zhe stick zhat is shoved up your ass, mignon?

[hasstandards]

Shorter than you think.

[Or just as long as Spy thinks. Probably longer. One of those.]

I know how to have fun. I'm just not interested in havin' it with you.