sort-of voice-test for a sort-of oc.

[scryinghope]

Please don't.

Yes, I know that won't stop you. I don't even need to be in your head to know that. I also happen to know that a little bit of pleading will at least make you feel guilty while you put me through all the things you're planning.

You see? It worked. At least now I can suffer with the petty vindictiveness of knowing that a fictional character made you feel bad. I'm like that on occasion.

Comments

[skeletonenigma]

By admitting that I'm worthy of what, exactly?

[scryinghope]

I was thinking more along the lines of trying to be more subtle in the face of your obvious physical unsubtlety. But since you brought it up, how about letting your friends judge you as they see fit?

[skeletonenigma]

I could be subtle if it helped. It's just that most of the time, it doesn't. Since I brought it up and you expanded on it, what is that judgment?

[scryinghope]

Well, I can't speak for the others, but--

Wait. Yes, I can. Dexter already knows and got over it years ago. Erskine will find it a bit hard to swallow, but he'll get over it once it's explained the right way. Rover will, as always, see the funny side and take full advantage to offset the overwhelming horror of the situation. Anton will take it the hardest, but only because he's going to have trouble equating his sense of morality with his sense of justice. Corrival will slap you upside the head and expect you to continue to do better. And Ghastly, admittedly, has only approached a point where he'd forgive you in the last decade or so, but give him enough time and the right perspective and he will as well.

I've already adjusted to all this, by the way. So long as you don't get your brain back, of course.

[skeletonenigma]

Anton's the only sane one of the lot of you, then. I'll bear that in mind.

[scryinghope]

Are we talking about the same Anton who, when dared to sneak into Corrival's tent to paint his nails bright red, actually did it?

Corrival still doesn't know who did that, by the way. He thinks it was Rover and Dex.

[skeletonenigma]

No.

We're talking about a very different Anton.

Corrival could be anywhere, Descry.

[scryinghope]

Yes, he could be anywhere. That's not here. I'd hear him if he was here.

I just wanted to get that straightened out. Which Anton are you talking about, then?

[skeletonenigma]

Knowing Corrival, he's probably found a magic-proof helmet. And managed to hide that fact from you.

I'm talking about the Anton whose Gist could easily tear me limb from limb.

[scryinghope]

You've lost faith in my abilities over the years, I see.

Oh, that Anton. To be perfectly frank, I'd be more worried about the Anton whose Gist would tear himself from limb to limb. He's going to tear himself apart before he does the same to you, Skulduggery. Which says it all, really.

[skeletonenigma]

Damn it, Descry. This isn't as simple as forgiving me, or chalking it all up to a simple lapse of judgment. This is about forgiving Lord Vile. Anton wouldn't do that. Ghastly definitely wouldn't do that. Why are they?

[scryinghope]

Because they love you, Skulduggery. Because they love Skulduggery enough to forgive even Lord Vile.

[skeletonenigma]

[Congratulations, Hopeless, you have stumped him into silence.

The silence stretches a fair bit. That simply stated truth is everything Skulduggery knows, and has known, and everything he's tried so hard to ignore in the face of what both he and the world deserve. It's difficult to tell a mind-reader that they're wrong; but the alternative is just as hard to accept.]

Yes, well. That's because you're all idiots.

[scryinghope]

[Descry lets the silence stretch on, quietly and comfortably and with that gently knowing little smile.]

Birds of a feather and all that.

Remember what I was just saying about you having already resigned yourself to judgement to prevent anyone else from judging you, travesties of travesties, favourably? You may apply that statement to this moment.

[skeletonenigma]

See, that? That sounded just like a psychologist.

Here's my question. I see your point. I've never not seen your point. Now what, exactly, am I supposed to do with the information? I've always thought psychology was much too passive a science for its own good.

[scryinghope]

Oh, well, brace yourself, because it's about to get worse.

You see psychology as judgement. You get annoyed by it because you've already judged yourself, and therefore you think of psychology as being irrelevant to you. You're not very fond of things you don't see as helpful, in case you hadn't noticed. When there's the remotest chance that it is relevant, you expect things to be enforced on you in response to previously stated judgement--like an 'active' science would.

Sorry to say, my friend, but it's not like that. All psychology does is reveal traits. A lot of the time it tries to reveal traits which should be changed for one reason or another. You say you see my point, but you don't know what to do with it. That's you saying there's no point in your changing, because you've already self-signed your condemnation.

And this is me telling you you're wrong. Forget about your own judgement. The least you can do is front up to ours.

[skeletonenigma]

Ask a psychologist a question...

Actually, let me expand on that question. Say I do change in the way you hope I will. Where's the balance? I can't just stop being sorry one day, even if I wanted to, because there's no one left to pick up the slack. If I stop shouldering the responsibility for Vile, it's like saying everything that happened is okay. It's not. It never will be. If I stop thinking that way, where does the judgement come from? What stops it from being okay? What stops me from thinking of it as being okay?

[scryinghope]

I'm not saying to stop taking responsibility, Skulduggery. Taking responsibility and letting others have a say in your punishment are two different things. You'll never stop being sorry, and I hope you never will--with all best possible implications.

But that doesn't mean you should cut us off. Let us help you shoulder that burden. If it makes a difference, view it as an extra punishment. We're taking control of your punishment away from you. You have control issues too, in case you didn't notice.

[skeletonenigma]

Wouldn't my viewing it as an extra punishment defeat the purpose of what I'm supposed to try and achieve?

[scryinghope]

That depends on your perspective. The point here is for you to let go. If it helps you to let go by viewing it as a punishment to put your fate in others' hands, it's not really exclusive to the purpose.

[skeletonenigma]

Alright. I'm putting my fate in your hands. What next?

[scryinghope]

How about some lunch? I'm hungry, and you do have a skin to eat with nowadays.

[skeletonenigma]

And you wonder why I'm so reluctant to let others handle punishment. Very well, lunch it is. Where did you have in mind?

[scryinghope]

Hence viewing the lack of control over your punishment being the punishment. And I don't know. How about some pizza? Real Italian pizza is nothing like modern pizza. I've never had modern pizza before.

[skeletonenigma]

So I should see this lunch as punishment, solely because it wasn't my idea?

I could get used to that.

You know, I don't think I've had modern pizza either.