Back out for who knows what...(And back from the movie so Spoilers for Into Darkness)

[admirals]

Last time we did this you sent me somewhere and didn't keep me there. Now I'm glad you didn't, not the best place in the world but I wish you wouldn't think about doing it again. And no, further along won't help your case either, it's actually worse.

So leave me alone, or at least do what you keep promising someone and let me do my job.

Comments

[captains]

You didn't like the Cadet act? I thought I had a pretty convincing performance.

[He grins, because that's the expected response, but Jesus did that ever bother him. It bothers him now that you can call him on it, the fact that he bullied Bones into complying] What were you honestly expecting?

[admirals]

At the time? Sure. If I'd stuck around though, I know you too well, it wouldn't have lasted long.

[Of course it is, and he can't help but rolling his eyes at that. Really, Kirk, he's not sure what he was expecting but he thought, maybe, he'd get a little honesty. Guess not.] A little more responsibility, maybe I was thinking you'd grown up after all that. Just goes to show I've still got things to learn.

[captains]

That was always going to be someone else's problem.

[Kirk of the future's problem, honestly. Long term planning wasn't exactly his strong suit- And if he's even more honest with himself (rarely), he'd been hoping when it blew up in his face, he could make it Spock's problem.

He loses the grin slowly, but he settles on neutral. That- Hurts almost, maybe. Disappointing Pike hadn't exactly been what he'd been aiming for. But it's not like he hasn't had a lifetime full of not meeting expectations]

Yeah, I guess you do. [About- A lot of things. It's just...Easier to be angry than to try to apologize. Because it's not like he's sorry] I didn't think you could take it. And- Sir, let's not dip into hypocritical here. I didn't see you rushing off to tell Spock about what happened to Vulcan.

[Nevermind that was a younger version of Spock Prime- But considering the whole damn thing was his fault in the first place, probably relevant to his interests]

[admirals]

[Of course it was, and it's just another thing he chalks up to Kirk needing to learn on his own. A little more thought, a little more planning involved in things, taking responsibility for his actions. Things that at the end of the day, would make him a better captain as well as a person.

And well, okay he can't say anything against that, right now, because that was a situation he hadn't been able to control.] Next time think differently, I've been at this a lot longer than you, seen more things too.

And I never said immediately now did I? Telling Spock about Vulcan upon my arrival, and you know what happened to me in his time, I do just by being here, you think he could handle that?

[He had his reasons, in other words.]

[captains]

[He snorts, it's a completely derisive sound] If I can speak freely- [He's not actually waiting for permission, because he's already dug himself a hole with the lying thing, it's not like refusing to sugar coat things is going to make it any worse] What Spock can or can't handle is the last thing I worry about.

[He only hadn't told the Vulcan about his planet because he had cared. He'd liked the alternate version of his first officer quite a lot- But that had been before. Before he hadn't recognized him and gone cave diving into his head a second time, touching all the memories Kirk hadn't wanted to share, having further transference. Before he'd been left to deal with what he'd done to Kirk's mental landscape all on his own.

He'd rather rub Spock's nose in the fact that it's all his fault, than hide the truth for his own well being. But then- He'd always had a bit of a problem with wanting to get even, with being right- More than he'd wanted to be morally upstanding] I'm not convinced that what I did, and what you did- Are really any different.

[He's not sure he can scream 'fuck you' any harder in his tone alone]

[admirals]

[He wishes he was surprised, but he's not. He stares at Kirk, reaches up and rubs at his face in a way that is mostly to give himself something to do before answering him, and then, well, shakes his head.

And gives him a bit more of a look at that and points at him.] No, because you can't take a minute to look past your own problems and consider the bigger picture.

If I had told Spock when we first met, whose to say he would have believed me? Me, the living, standing [for now] embodiment of an officer that's not either for him, or similar. And what happens if you need him and he doesn't listen? That for once someone listens to you and then doesn't do what you think they should.

And I never said I had no intentions of telling him, remember that.