dear_mun | (no subject)

Entry tags:

canon: commercials

(no subject)

Hey Mun.

I'm an egotistical social network programmer.

You've been using my journal service for ages, but I'm about to shake things up a bit. Take away some vital functions, make a few others unnecessarily convoluted... You're complaining now, but I'm sure you'll get used to it eventually.

And if you don't have an alternative journal service? You'll be stuck dealing with my migraine-inducing design changes for the rest of your internet life.

So get a backup journal, and better protect yourself from Mayhem, like me.

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Can't fault you for honesty, at least.

Hey, just doing my job.

Maybe you need to find a new one. I'm sure someone's hiring for a janitor somewhere.

Sounds a bit too tame for my taste.

You're just underestimating it.

Nah, I'm just more interested in making messes than I am in cleaning them up.

I think most janitors are, too.

In that case, maybe I'll consider it next time I need a part-timer.

You're Mayhem?

That's me, yeah.

How charming! I'm Morticia Addams, it's quite a treat to meet you, dear.

Same here, Morticia. So, drive up any insurance premiums lately?

Oh, I'm quite sure the family does that whether they mean to or not.

Music to my ears.

My husband is a lawyer.

[Her eyes flicker with pride as red lips curl.]

Amazing track record, hasn't won a case that I can recall.

Oh yeah? Tell him thanks from me for doing his part.

[Oh dear. Mayhem, you're quickly becoming a favorite.]

I shall. I'm sure he'd be just as delighted to meet you as I.

Maybe we'll crash into each other sometime.

Oh, Gomez doesn't really drive himself...though he'd probably be rather poor at it anyway...

That doesn't mean he can't have an encounter with a rogue vehicle.

[She smiles, eyes seeming to glaze over a bit.]

Of course it doesn't. Perhaps a limo for a charity event...

Ooh, Limos have the best blind spots...

Is that your professional opinion, Monsieur?

It most certainly is.

[That's very thrilling to hear.]

I'll have to let him know immediately, then. I'm sure we could arrange something of that nature.

I'll be looking forward to it.

Oh, so will the family. I'm sure Gomez will be thrilled, and Fester would be delighted as well.

I think my mundane just had a heart attack from happiness.

... Yeah, I don't think even Dreamwidth covers heart attacks. Sorry.

It was a joke. He loves your commercials. Now he's kicking himself for not thinking of bringing you here.

Hey, the more Mayhem the merrier, I always say.

I can tell.

[Wait now he had to pause a moment.]

So if you do that little speech, can you turn into anything that causes mayhem?

Just about anything, yeah.

Then sorry to say but you're not likely getting my life story. I don't need you turning into Mark or Luke.

That's alright. I'm a simple man with simple pleasures. I don't need to hear any life stories.

That's good then. Maybe you wouldn't even care to give yourself extra powers then.

Nah, I don't have much use for powers. All I've got to do is be in the right place at the wrong time.

Ah so instead of saying "I am twelve English kids that belong in a fiction novel and you just turned your guns on me. Now I'm pissed and powerful."

It would be "I'm the flood and shifting of the poles that bloody well just fucked up Europe. What do you do now?"

That's more the idea.

[ ahahahaha ]

Cute.

Why yes. Yes I am.

You wouldn't happen to know a "Controversial" Jack Lysais, would you?

Can't say I'm too good with names. What business is he in?

The business of controversy. Mun mentioned him.

I'm more in the "objectively terrible" field, myself. But hey, a bit of controversy can always spice things up.

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