Really now.

[renegadedriving]

You think this is a good use of my time, mun? I have a whole damn galaxy to save. And digimon isn't exactly conductive to that.

. . .

What do you mean my guns probably won't work?!  No, some kind of animal isn't a good replacement for bullets!

Comments

[calibrates_big_guns]

Cartoons.

[You'll have to give the turian a moment to process this.]

They're putting you in a cartoon world. [His mandibles draw up, almost like he's smirking.]

[renegadedriving]

[Shepard gives him a dirty look.]

Shut up, Vakarian. I've had... worse assignments...

[Probably not weirder ones, though.]

[calibrates_big_guns]

[He's really trying to suppress the smirk, so give him points for that at least.]

I think just about all of our assignments qualify as 'worse'

[renegadedriving]

[+2 boyfriend points.]

Although I did have guns for those.

[calibrates_big_guns]

[Just 2? Eh, he'll take it.]

Yes, but I think you can handle Bugs Bunny without them. You've killed what, three Reapers now?

[renegadedriving]

How do you know who Bugs Bunny is? If that came up in your "research", I'm not sure if you were looking in the right places.

[calibrates_big_guns]

That, you can blame on Joker. After the original Normandy was destroyed and you ... [He's quiet for just a second, his mandibles twitching uneasily. Clearly it's still a painful part of his life.]

... Well, he thought I could use some cheering up. A little while before everyone sort of drifted apart, he showed me a few old cartoons. Pretty funny stuff.

[renegadedriving]

[The teasing smile slides off her face, replaced with something softer.]

Glad my boys took care of each other. Sometime, I'll show you my childhood favorites.

[calibrates_big_guns]

[He returns the gentle smile.]

Sounds like a nice night in. Just add some turian brandy, that asari wine you love, some mood lighting ...

[renegadedriving]

[She steps forward and pushes up onto her toes to lessen the height gap. Turian kisses requested.]

I hope you don't intend to actually get through too many cartoons, then. Giving me ideas, here.

[calibrates_big_guns]

[He leans down and wraps his arms around her midsection, before granting that request.]

I'll just have to live with the crushing disappointment. [He replies with a sarcastic smile, or at least the turian equivalent.]

wow I am so great at html

[renegadedriving]

[Shepard smiles contentedly.]

Although, I have to admit, if we're watching cartoons, I think this qualifies as a sexy version of the traditional sleepover. We going to build a blanket fort and eat popcorn?

Everyone has their cock-ups every once in a while

[calibrates_big_guns]

I think I could get behind a few more fortifications for your apartment. [He kids, he kids.] Although I might have to pass on the popcorn. Pesky potentially fatal allergies after all. Buuuut we still have a hot tub we can use.

[renegadedriving]

You mean there's a part of it that isn't already rigged to explode?

[She grins at the reference to the most sadly neglected part of her apartment.]

I've been meaning to get you in there.

[calibrates_big_guns]

I think there's some tiny corner that might survive. In hindsight, should have just gone with bullet-proofed windows and the glass fixture. Less potential for you accidentally killing yourself.

And it took you this long to ask? [He's grinning himself now.]

[renegadedriving]

Commander Shepard, hero of the galaxy, killed by exploding toilet seat rigged by paranoid boyfriend. What a great news day that would be.

The last time I was in that apartment, there was a hungover Prothean in that bathroom. It seemed to be a bad time.

[calibrates_big_guns]

At least they'd have something better to talk about than celebrity gossip.

Well, we could have just roll him in to the hall. He doesn't tend to care about it being a bad time for anyone else.

[renegadedriving]

It would just end in some very, very weird rumors about the two of us.

You do have a point. I almost want to say we should wear bathing suits for this event, just to see what Turian bathing suits look like.

[calibrates_big_guns]

And a new holiday revolving around beating me in to a pulp for killing the hero of the Citadel.

We don't really have them. [Turians don't often go swimming for aforementioned reasons ... and their society has fewer personal restrictions as far as etiquette goes, at least while not on missions.]

[renegadedriving]

What would they even name that holiday?

A shame, that. Although, now that I'm thinking of it, I haven't owned a bathing suit since I was a teenager.

[calibrates_big_guns]

I'm sure they'd come up with something. People can get very creative when they're angry.

And I'm becoming more and more intrigued by that hot tub by the second.

[renegadedriving]

Am I allowed to preemptively use my spectre authority to cancel this event?

Naked hot tubbing is an ancient earth tradition, you know.

[calibrates_big_guns]

I'm going to go with "yes". [Please let him be right.]

Hmmm, well, I'm not usually that much for old-fashioned things, but this seems like something I can get behind.

[renegadedriving]

I'm replacing it with "Hug a Varren" day. To be celebrated by the same people who would have celebrated the holiday based on beating you, lessen the numbers. We're not getting you into another Omega if I'm not there to pull your ass out of the fire.

Remind me to tell you about Valentine's Day, if you're looking for ancient humans' poorly disguised excuses for sex.

[She pauses.]

Actually, make sure I tell you about Valentine's Day before Joker tries to educate you on it.

[calibrates_big_guns]

I think that'd just about make us even.

You need an excuse?