spoilers likely!

[offtheroad]

Look, my "backstory" is my backstory, and no, I don't really feel like getting into it. It's nothing you'd be interested in, and it's over with. 

So do me a favor and don't start with all of this [ he makes a big, sweeping gesture with his arms ] crap. I've got enough to worry about without adding...what did you call it? "Roleplay". [ an eyebrow raise ]

Hate to break it to you kid, but I think you missed the D&D craze by a few decades.

Comments

[offtheroad]

[ right. murdering to silence is way better. thanks, poppa. ]

And yet, here you are. Still using magic. Still doing deals.

Bullshit.

[ a catch would be great! and then you know what would be fun? a father/son camping trip that doesn't leave neal abandoned for hundreds of years in foreign realms. ]

[undealt]

[at least embrace some kanye. jesus kid. he raised you better.

...for fourteen years.]

All to find you again. [...Most of it.] And to make up for those wasted years. Please, Bae. You can't stay angry with me forever.

[...okay, he totally can, because epic grudgeholding is probably genetic. BUT DAMMIT, KID, YOU WILL MAKE HIM CRY AGAIN AND HE'S THE WORST CRIER EVER. Seriously. He cries like tears are acid and melting his face off slowly.]

[offtheroad]

[ imma letchu finish-

wait no I won't ]

Why. You didn't then, what makes you think you can now.

And no, turning me fourteen again isn't an option.

[undealt]

[BECAUSE I HAVE AN AMNESIAC GIRLFRIEND AND A CHIP ON MY SHOULDER. GOD.]

In hindsight, that wasn't the best suggestion. I've been thinking of what I could say to you when I found you again for decades and when it came down to it... I still chose magic. I realize that, but I am trying. [Nngh. HE USED HIS BEST SPEECH ON AUGUST. HE CHOKED.] Now all I ask is for a chance to prove it. It costs you nothing. You already assume the worst of me.

[offtheroad]

[ he shakes his head. c'mon dad. ]

Except that it does cost me something. All your deals do. Even the ones you don't follow through on. [ zing ]

You've got my kid and Emma wrapped up in your mess. How many more people do you need to screw over before it's enough? [ because like hell he is getting Tamara involved with all this magic bullshit too, and if there's a way to get Henry and Emma out of it, the sooner the better ]

[undealt]

[COULD YOU BE ANY MORE LIKE YOUR MOTHER RIGHT NOW.]

That much is complicated. [Because you know... Savior thing.] But had Emma not been chosen to break the curse, you two never would have met and Henry wouldn't exist. [This is the worst conversation ever. Seriously. He's going to punch Archie in the face later.] With everything I've done being to get here- to you... I wouldn't need anything else.

[Except for Belle to not have amnesia anymore, but...]

omg how many sad rumpel faces do you have ;;

[offtheroad]

Here's the thing, that I think you have some trouble understanding, it doesn't have to be complicated. Just. Live your life.

[ he shakes his head. this is like. telling a cat not to claw the sofa or something. though he does have a point. henry may be new to him, but he's still his son, and he's a good kid. something the meddling finally managed to do right ]

He's the one good thing that's come out of this. [ THERE, DAD. POINT. GEEZ. ] But that doesn't excuse what you did. [ maybe projection issues are hereditary ]

Way too many. WELCOME TO THUNDERDOME.

[undealt]

[The look he gives his son... is pretty much the look of a cat being told not to claw the sofa. Because wow maybe that sofa could use a few claw marks and it's not that great a sofa anyway.]

I don't want to excuse it. [except for where he kinda does.] I just want to make it right- enough that we can live our lives.

[Because no version of this scenario ends with him not clinging to Neal's leg like a sad puppy.]

SO MUCH PRANCING

[offtheroad]

I have a life. And it's in New York.

[ a deep breath ]

Look, I'm glad Hook didn't kill you. [ THERE HE SAID IT ] But we can't drop everything and start over. That's not how this works.

[undealt]

[HE COULD GO TO NEW YORK.

HE COULD DO THAT.]

Then I'll find another way. A way that makes both of us happy. Bae, I just can't lose you again. [I HAVE HIT THE END OF A THREE-HUNDRED AND TWENTY-EIGHT YEAR JOURNEY. THIS IS REALLY HARD.

It would probably help if he'd ever get out of the mindset that SON LOVE = PROFIT and do something for Neal's benefit, but NAAAAH.]

[offtheroad]

[ IN NEW YORK YOU GET JAIL TIME FOR LONGER THAN FIVE MINUTES FOR BEATING PEOPLE WITH YOUR CANE JS ]

I can't be happy with magic. You know that. That crap's brought nothing but misfortune on all of us since you brought it in to our lives.

Maybe we just go our separate ways after all this.

[undealt]

[HE THREATENED TO CANE SOMEONE IN AN AIRPORT AND NO ONE QUESTIONED IT. DON'T TEST HIM. HE'LL PULL THE "I'M SCOTTISH" CARD AND EVERYONE WILL GO "Okay."]

You're right. But if I give it up now, I'll be damning the entire town to a lifetime of being trapped. [Most of them he doesn't care about BUT THE FEW HE DOES...]

[offtheroad]

[ NEAL TRIED TO SELL WATCHES AND ALMOST WENT TO FEDERAL PRISON. WHERE IS THE FAIRNESS IN THIS WORLD no let's not ask emma ]

How'd that entire town get here in the first place.

[undealt]

[.....]

A queen who has a great deal of difficulty managing her anger.

[WHAT. IT'S TRUE...]