advice time with karkat vantas

[crabsnack]

MUNDANE, OH MY GOD, NO. PUT YOUR IMAGE EDITING SOFTWARE DOWN AND LISTEN TO ME FOR FIVE SECONDS HERE. YOU CAN AFFORD FIVE SECONDS TO LET YOUR MOST SENSIBLE MUSE PITCH IN. YOU'RE DOING LITERALLY NOTHING. AT FIRST I THOUGHT YOU CONTRIBUTED SOMETHING TO THE WORLD BY PRODUCING CARBON DIOXIDE BUT THEN I REMEMBERED NO ONE FUCKING LIKES CARBON DIOXIDE.

YOU DO THIS EVERY TIME. "OH, WOW, THE LIGHT IN MY THINK PAN TOTALLY JUST WENT ON, I CAN HANDLE PUTTING SOMEONE IN A GAME! HOW ABOUT I SIT HERE FOR SIX HOURS MAKING ICONS OF OBSCURE SHIT NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND HAS EVER HEARD OF BECAUSE CLEARLY THAT'S WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS" NO
NO, NO, AND FOR FURTHER DISCOURAGEMENT, NO.
YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I DO EXACTLY HOW LONG YOUR ENTHUSIASM WILL LAST. YOU WILL GET DISTRACTED BY SOMETHING, FORGET ABOUT BEING IN A GAME, AND NO TAGS WILL GET DONE. THEN YOU WILL SHAMEFACEDLY DROP AND GO LIE DOWN IN YOUR RESPITEBLOCK AND WHINE ABOUT HOW TERRIBLE YOU ARE TO PEOPLE WHO DON'T DESERVE TO HAVE TO GIVE A SHIT.

...LOOK, I'M SORRY. I KNOW I'M BEING HARSH HERE. BUT.
I WAS NEVER REALLY AS GREAT A LEADER AS I THOUGHT I WAS. SO I GUESS THIS IS ME TRYING TO MAKE IT UP TO THE UNIVERSE IN SOME WAY.
LIKE, HEY, I CAN'T STOP ALL MY FRIENDS FROM KICKING THE NONREPRODUCTIVE SOAPY WATER/MOP STORAGE UNIT. BUT I SURE CAN NAG A MUNDANE INTO NOT BEING QUITE SO SHITTY! THAT MAKES UP FOR EVERYTHING, RIGHT? ALL RISE TO COMMEMORATE THE NEWLY-ABSOLVED KARKAT VANTAS.

YEAH. SO I DON'T MEAN TO SAY YOU'RE USELESS. I JUST MEAN YOU'RE NOT APPLYING YOURSELF IN THE RIGHT WAY, BECAUSE YOU'RE USELESS AT THINGS LIKE PERSEVERANCE.
IF YOU ABSOLUTELY FUCKING HAVE TO JUMP THROUGH THESE HOOPS AGAIN, TRY IT A DIFFERENT WAY THIS TIME. DON'T BE SO TIMID AND ACTUALLY GET OUT THERE AND TAG EVERYFUCKINGBODY LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW. DON'T DO, LIKE, ONE THREAD AT ONCE. MAKE IT SO YOU HAVE SO MUCH SHIT TO DO YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY FORGET ABOUT IT. MAYBE BEING TERRIFYINGLY BUSY IS THE KEY TO MAKING YOU STICK TO IT.

THERE'S PROBABLY A 5% CHANCE IT WON'T END IN DISASTER THAT WAY. GOOD LUCK, I GUESS.

AND SERIOUSLY, YOU DO NOT NEED MORE MUSES HANGING AROUND DOING NOTHING "JUST IN CASE". I KNOW IT DOESN'T HARM ANYTHING BUT IT'S GETTING CROWDED AS IT IS AND IF I HAVE TO LISTEN TO ONE MORE SMUG GRUBLICKER TALK ABOUT HOW THEY WON'T BE COWED BY THE POWERS THAT BE I'M GOING TO REACH DOWN MY OWN PROTEIN CHUTE AND RIP OUT A LOT OF IMPORTANT BIOLOGY.

AND LOOK, I MAY HAVE JUST TALKED MYSELF INTO LETTING YOU TRY THIS AGAIN, BUT DON'T GET OVEREXCITED AND SEND ME. BEING STUCK IN YOUR HEADSPACE MAY BE HUMILIATING AND RESTRICTIVE BUT IT'S BETTER THAN ZOMBIES OR TINY HOOFBEASTS OR HAVING MY SOUL FUCKED AROUND WITH. THINK ABOUT IT LONG AND HARD AND I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND SOMEONE ELSE MORE SUITED TO WHEREVER YOU PICK. LIKE, FOR EXAMPLE, JUST ABOUT ANYONE.

Comments

[crabsnack]

THAT'S... DEFINITELY A PERSPECTIVE OF SOME KIND YOU HAVE THERE.
OKAY, OKAY, I'M CONVINCED. LIVING IT IS.

[livingdeadboy]

Well, when you've been dead a few years you end up living through some interesting trials, gives you a pretty different perspective on life in general.

...Relatively speaking I guess. But anyways, I'm glad you've decided not to become a corpse!

[crabsnack]

A FEW SWEEPS AGO I WOULD PROBABLY FREAK THE FUCK OUT OVER THE LIVING DEAD BUT TO BE HONEST AFTER MOST OF MY FRIENDS DIED AND/OR CAME BACK AND DIED AGAIN OR HALF-DIED OR DOUBLE-DIED
I HONESTLY CAN NOT BRING MYSELF TO GIVE ENOUGH OF A SHIT TO BE SURPRISED
I'LL TAKE YOUR ADVICE. THANK YOU, DEAD STRANGER, FOR GIVING ME GOOD ADVICE.

SEE, THAT'S HOW COURTEOUS EVERYONE SHOULD BE WHEN I GIVE THEM ADVICE. LIFE ISN'T FAIR.