dear_mun | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Hey.

Hey, Mundane.

Maybe you should actually pay attention to me instead of dragging me out because you're bored. I have important things to do like be the Ultimates' sidekick since me being on the team isn't good enough to actually have anything to do.

(Old complaints, I know.)

But while we're on the topic, I'll admit, I don't... dislike the kid. But you can get why I'm not really all for it yet, either. And I'm not telling him anything. At least, not until I'm ready.

But, you know. President Cap knows best and all.

The point is -- pay attention to me or I'll just lay around and play dead until you notice me.

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"The Kid"? Didn't think you'd be one to go from zero to adopt-a-punk in a year flat. Good on you, I guess?

I --

[ oh uh

fuck ]

-- aiyiyi....

Gesundheit. Or whatever the balls-backward Yiddish equivalent is. [ not smiling. not smiling. yet. ]

-- Dave. Oh my god, Dave.

[ rubbing her mask eyes omfg ]

I'm dreaming. Am I dreaming? Is this the end of St. Elsewhere?

Oh my god. Yes it is. [ deadpans ] Help. I'm stuck in a snowglobe. Blub, glub. The ratings will never be the same, we're not long for this soggy horseshit plasticine ass parade. Also, that was really fucking awkward looking. The eyerub thing. Are you actually reaching your eyes? Don't things, you know, stick back there? Do you take off your mask and - hello - a days worth of moist face juice plastered all up ins? [ babbling now. make him stop. ]

Oh my god, shut up.

[ grabbing him in a hug now. DOES HE REMEMBER THESE ]

[HGHHMPPMPMPH YES HE DOES REMEMBER. he is also a bit taller than you remember him, jess. almost like he's aged one full year in canon. !? at least he isn't boob level. ]

You're such a girl. [ doesn't actually struggle, but he does wrinkle his nose so his shades don't fall off his nose. ]

[ lifts him up and squeezes him tight. pulling off her mask in the process. man she don't even care, she's grinning so hard because she's so happy to see him. ]

And you're such a cool kid. Don't hate.

[ SHAAAADES slipping off, currently about a half inch from the tip of his nose. COMPLETELY FORGOT HOW STRONG SHE WAS. ]

Lucky you, I left the haterade on the thin crust wasteland sans everything pizza formerly known as Earth. [ ghk. ] Jess, you are a god damn bear and I guess I'd appreciate it if I didn't need my ribcage for other things, like supporting my manly pecs?? Manly lungs. Oh my porcelain shitter in the ninth ring, Jess, I need to fucking breathe. Jess, my glasses. Let me look cool, god damn it. [ babbling again. TRYIN' REAL HARD NOT TO GRIN LIKE A LITTLE FUCKING GIRL. ]

[ she kisses him hard on the cheek before setting him down, looking him over ]

Dang, boy. You got big. Are you eating your green broccoli or what? Next thing you know, you'll be taller than me.

[ she laughs and it's likely since she's 5'5" lmao... ]

[ RESISTS THE URGE TO WIPE HIS CHEEK. Instead, he pushes up his shades and pats his hair back down, slightly red from all of this physical affection nonsense. let's say he's a thimbleful over 5'3".]

Now that you've gone all kindergartener with a plastic rainbow slinky with my vertebrae, sure, I guess. Pretty sure Karkle's flushed every salad bar regular down every toilet on the meteor, though. This is all probably like 75% apple juice and 25% slices of bologna.

Meteor? What meteor?

[ pulling at her mask around her neck ]

Dude, I haven't seen you since... since that castle. It's been a long time and you're going on about meteors and karkles and stuff? Fill me in, dude.

[ ... ] Yeah, the castle. Good times. [ moooore of a mixed bag... but hey, he wouldn't have met a ton of people without stumbling ass over heels into the castle. ]

Long story short, I'm a time god now, I think? And right now I'm surfing a research base in a meteor piloted by a blind dude outside of time and space to a new universe where I'm gonna meet up with Jade and John. I'm with Rose and a bunch of still alive trolls; there are a bunch of dead ones but I don't know where that shady as hell clown has been hiding them. Also, I guess me and Terezi are dating? That's a thing. [ ... ] I think that's everything important. What about you? I mean, its not like you told me a whole lot about your superhero deal, but...? [ now that i think about it i don't think she ever told him about the clone thing LFMAO ]

[ staring... ]

That's... definitely a lot of stuff. Time god though? We're just gonna mention that and keep going? [ pushing her hair back. she's teasing but she is definitely confused ]

-- Who's Terezi? I've never met her. Is she cute? [ oh no her peterness. but ugh now the conversation is on her. she pauses.... AND NO SHE HASN'T EVER TOLD HIM ABOUT THE CLONE THING LMAO ]

Um. Well.... Nothing big really happened...? You know, I joined some awesome government superhero team. Some dude attacked the white house and tried to take over the world for the name of science, a bunch of other dudes, new Spider-Man, new civil war, new president, etc. Nothing big.

[ slow nod on her life update. ] War in heaven and hell and a bunch of "what a hurricane of twists brought to you by whatever we pull out of our asses" stalking every update. You're living the super hero dream, bro. Have you been a bad enough dude to save the president? And what was wrong with the old Spider-Man? Pete seemed ok.

Oh yeah, we're skirting that topic. It's like the wardrobe of a thousand bug-eyed anime girlfriends in here.

[ speaking of... ]

[ he seems to be giving the terezi cuteness conundrum some serious thought. ] Cute's not the word. Like... If someone was like, hey, check this shit out, and pulled out a fist sized cockroach from their bag, you'd be like, wow, fuck this, call the national guard, right? But then the other guy's like, no wait, watch this, and the cockroach rolls over and plays dead, and can whistle the national anthem, and draws really goddamn awful comics, and also has really bad ideas about food that are also kind of awesome in practice, and ends up being a really good friend? Yeah, sure, that's cool. Still a giant fucking cockroach, but she's cool. Yeah, that's Terezi. Gross, but weirdly endearing.

[ oh man she forgot about how much he can talk wow. counting off her fingers now and trying to be so casual but wow she's shaking up on the inside because goddammit dave she missed you so much. ]

Nah, but now a former team member of mine is president so I guess he won't need much saving. Captain America -- ever heard of him? [ and then she pauses and bites her lip. sure tell sign that something's up. ] He's -- um -- he's not around anymore. [ :{

and another pause. because what the fuck. [

You lost me at cockroach.