Denying certain accusations

[hugeparasites]

I do not look like a pretty boy elf! Elves aren't even man enough to grow beards!

[Let's just ignore the fact that Kili doesn't have much of a beard at all going for him, certainly not in comparison to his dwarf kin]

How dare you insult me in such a manner, wench!

Comments

[unexpected_adventures]

It is quite alright, Kili. No apology needed since I am your company now. I know dwarves prize their beards amongst anything else.

We hobbits do have hairy feet though. Something I doubt elves have either.

[hugeparasites]

[He chuckles at that, highly amused as his eyes drift towards Bilbo's hairy feet]

Aye, that's your beard there Mr. Baggins. I wager the hairier the feet, the more respected the hobbit?

[unexpected_adventures]

Oh yes. We hobbits prize ourselves on our hairy feet. Some say the bigger and hairier feet you have the bigger-

[No. That was too rude even for a young dwarf.]

[hugeparasites]

[He's heard worse among the company of his brethren. There's no need to mince words. He laughs instantly and slaps his knee in amusement, eyes twinkling with mirth]

Oh aye, we have similar saying. It has less to do with our feet and more to do with the length of our beards.

[unexpected_adventures]

Well, I mean....well. I don't usually speak of such rude things.... [He looked outraged he actually suggested such things. The Took side of him coming into play.]

Of course, we hobbits take care of our feet as you take care of your beards.

[hugeparasites]

My dear hobbit friend, you're in the company of dwarves. It's very hard to offend us. I wager your filthiest tale could only bring laughter.

[Unless you happen to be an elf]

Oh aye, my brother braids his. He's quite proud of it. I expect mine will come in any day now.

[unexpected_adventures]

I do not...talk about filthy tales, Kili. Please don't get the wrong idea about me.

I am a perfectly respectable hobbit

[hugeparasites]

Of course you are, Mr. Baggins.

[There's just too much amusement twinkling in his eyes for that to be true]

Would I be allowed to judge for myself from a glance at your feet?

[Now he's just being a tease]

[unexpected_adventures]

[He waved a finger at the dwarf.]

Are you being rude, Kili? My feet are respectable as they belong to a Baggins. [He nodded.]

Hairy, big and- [Oh god.]

[hugeparasites]

[It was hard not to howl with laughter, but somehow he managed. Barely. Stifling his laughter with a hand over his mouth]

Naughty hobbit! Stop flashing those big hairy feet at me.

[unexpected_adventures]

No, not like that! Oh.... [He sighed.]

I am not dirty. I am a Baggins of...Bag End.

[hugeparasites]

[Forever laughing at you, Bilbo]

There's no need to be so stiff! Relax, I'm only joking.

[unexpected_adventures]

S-stiff? [Oh no.]

You're making things worse, Kili! [Now, his whole body was blushing.]

[hugeparasites]

[Both of his brows go up in surprise. Good job Bilbo]

Mr. Baggins?

[unexpected_adventures]

I...said nothing. [He placed a plastic smile over his fair features.]

Stiff uh....feet. Yes.

[hugeparasites]

Stiff feet eh? A hand massage should take care of that.

[He's a wicked little dwarf]

[unexpected_adventures]

No....I think they will....sort themselves out. Yes. Thank you. [He jammed his hands in his pockets as he tried to force images from his mind. Dirty, naughty images.

Not Thorin touching his feet or.....something else. Nope.]

[hugeparasites]

Uncle Thorin could help. He's very good at that....

[So helpful]

[unexpected_adventures]

W-what? Pardon? [Why was his brain not functioning now?]

Kili! Please.....stop it.

[Pause.]

He is?