Canon is Hyperbole and a Half

[thesimpledog]

[The simple dog looks around. She senses that she is expected to do something. She sits down and stares ahead, utterly still. Then she slowly tilts her head. It tilts and it tilts until she flops over onto the ground. And then she tries tilting it some more. When that doesn't work she gets back onto her feet and wags her tail.

...No, no. That's not right.

She runs off and when she returns she has a ball. She drops it in front of her. She stares expectantly.

...No, that's not right either.

She starts walking in a circle. She walks and she walks until she is dizzy and yet she cannot stop walking. Several minutes elapse and then several more. Finally, she collapses. Was there something she was supposed to do?

Oh look, a ball!]

Comments

[minor_setback]

I already threw it for you once, isn't that enough?

[Cats are mean. Including cats that are the personification of evil.]

[thesimpledog]

[Once means always!

The simple dog barks and stares back eagerly.]

[minor_setback]

[Evil the Cat turns around and begins to walk away. He has universes to destroy.]

[thesimpledog]

[No, friend! Play!

Forgetting the ball, the simple dog runs after her friend and barks.]

[minor_setback]

[When the dog runs after him and barks, Evil's natural cat instincts kick in and he catscreeches and jumps in the air, running away in terror. After all, DOGS ARE ATTACKING HIM AAAAAAAAAA]

[thesimpledog]

[The unexpected noise sends the simple dog fleeing and yelping in terror.

NOT FRIEND! SCARY! RUN!]

This is just so D'AWWWW

[minor_setback]

[Evil the Cat runs away a little more before stopping and looking back. He sees thsat the dog stopped attacking him.]

...Well then, I, Evil the Cat, have definitely proved myself superior to any common mongrel dog!

[He's just trying to convince himself.]

[thesimpledog]

[Meanwhile simple dog is still running. Shortly after she forgets why she was running but still she runs. But she has been running in a circle. She charges at the cat from behind, not yet realizing that this is the very thing she was running away from half a minute ago.]

[minor_setback]

[...What's that noise?

Evil looks behind him.

...Oh heck.]

God help me, I couldn't stop myself

[thesimpledog]

[The simple dog does not realize she is on a collision course until it is too late. She barrels into her former friend.]

Why SHOULD you stop?

[minor_setback]

[Evil the Car, meet Dog. Meet dog barreling into you. He lets out yet another catscreech, fearing for his own life due to cat instincts. He flails around in a panic, trying to escape.]

[thesimpledog]

[The impact and screech is too much for the simple dog. The momentum keeps her sliding on the floor for several feet. When she finally stops she curls up, shivering and whining.

And then her ball slides by.]

[minor_setback]

[After a few more minutes of flailing, Evil turns upright and runs away again. He hopes he lost the dig this time.]

...Never. Again.

Couldn't think of how she would follow

[thesimpledog]

[Hesitantly, as though expecting the world to collapse at any moment, the simple dog gets up and grabs her ball.

She chews it and all is right with the world.]