Canon is Hyperbole and a Half

[thesimpledog]

[The simple dog looks around. She senses that she is expected to do something. She sits down and stares ahead, utterly still. Then she slowly tilts her head. It tilts and it tilts until she flops over onto the ground. And then she tries tilting it some more. When that doesn't work she gets back onto her feet and wags her tail.

...No, no. That's not right.

She runs off and when she returns she has a ball. She drops it in front of her. She stares expectantly.

...No, that's not right either.

She starts walking in a circle. She walks and she walks until she is dizzy and yet she cannot stop walking. Several minutes elapse and then several more. Finally, she collapses. Was there something she was supposed to do?

Oh look, a ball!]

Comments

[minor_setback]

[thesimpledog]

[Friend? Is it a friend?

The simple dog walks closer. She wags her tail and drops the ball in front of her new friend!]

[minor_setback]

[Evil the Cat rolls his eyes.]

I do not have time for such frivolous activities.

[Dogs...]

[thesimpledog]

[Sounds! She can make sounds too!

The simple dog barks twice and nudges the ball forward. Her tail is still wagging.]

[minor_setback]

...[siiiiiigh

He picks the ball up and... just tosses it. Seriously, dogs.]

[thesimpledog]

[Yaaaay! Ball!

The simple dog runs after the ball. She picks it up in her mouth. She runs right back to her new friend and drops it in front of him. Her tail is wagging so fast it looks like it could power a motorboat.]

[minor_setback]

I already threw it for you once, isn't that enough?

[Cats are mean. Including cats that are the personification of evil.]

[thesimpledog]

[Once means always!

The simple dog barks and stares back eagerly.]

[minor_setback]

[Evil the Cat turns around and begins to walk away. He has universes to destroy.]

[thesimpledog]

[No, friend! Play!

Forgetting the ball, the simple dog runs after her friend and barks.]

[minor_setback]

[When the dog runs after him and barks, Evil's natural cat instincts kick in and he catscreeches and jumps in the air, running away in terror. After all, DOGS ARE ATTACKING HIM AAAAAAAAAA]

[thesimpledog]

[The unexpected noise sends the simple dog fleeing and yelping in terror.

NOT FRIEND! SCARY! RUN!]

This is just so D'AWWWW

[minor_setback]

[Evil the Cat runs away a little more before stopping and looking back. He sees thsat the dog stopped attacking him.]

...Well then, I, Evil the Cat, have definitely proved myself superior to any common mongrel dog!

[He's just trying to convince himself.]

[thesimpledog]

[Meanwhile simple dog is still running. Shortly after she forgets why she was running but still she runs. But she has been running in a circle. She charges at the cat from behind, not yet realizing that this is the very thing she was running away from half a minute ago.]

[minor_setback]

[...What's that noise?

Evil looks behind him.

...Oh heck.]

God help me, I couldn't stop myself

[thesimpledog]

[The simple dog does not realize she is on a collision course until it is too late. She barrels into her former friend.]

Why SHOULD you stop?

[minor_setback]

[Evil the Car, meet Dog. Meet dog barreling into you. He lets out yet another catscreech, fearing for his own life due to cat instincts. He flails around in a panic, trying to escape.]

[thesimpledog]

[The impact and screech is too much for the simple dog. The momentum keeps her sliding on the floor for several feet. When she finally stops she curls up, shivering and whining.

And then her ball slides by.]

[minor_setback]

[After a few more minutes of flailing, Evil turns upright and runs away again. He hopes he lost the dig this time.]

...Never. Again.

Couldn't think of how she would follow

[thesimpledog]

[Hesitantly, as though expecting the world to collapse at any moment, the simple dog gets up and grabs her ball.

She chews it and all is right with the world.]

[iateasock]

Hello!

[The Shadowchild circles the dog, staring curiously]

Can you talk?

[thesimpledog]

[The simple dog stops what she is doing. She brings her legs in as close to her as possible. Her head moves in a circle as she stares at the big moving shadow.]

[iateasock]

[Circle, circle, observing EVERYTHING.]

You look kinda of like the hyenas. Are you a hyena? What's your name?

[thesimpledog]

[The shadow is moving fast and making noise. This is something simple dog has never seen before. Her body quivers and she resorts to her only defense against such confusion, making a high pitched noise.]

[iateasock]

[Clearly the answer to this is COME CLOSER]

Is that talking?

[thesimpledog]

[The high pitched noise grows louder and the simple dog's shaking more pronounced.]

[iateasock]

[Shadowchild tilts its head and stares]

That's how you talk?

[So clearly we must communicate]

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

[thesimpledog]

[The simple dog stops shaking. She also stops making the noise. Instead she tilts her head back at the big shadow.]

[iateasock]

...Did I say it right?

[thesimpledog]

[The simple dog's head tilts even more.]

[iateasock]

Maybe if I try again.


Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?

[thesimpledog]

[Her head tilts until it can tilt no more. She flops onto her back.]

[iateasock]

[The Shadowchild slides over to look down at the dog]

Is this an interpretive dance?

[thesimpledog]

[The big shadow hasn't eaten simple dog yet but that doesn't mean it won't!

So, flopped over on her back, the simple dog makes the high pitched noise again.]

[rejecter]

Puppy!

[thesimpledog]

[New friend?

The simple dog barks once. She walks up to new friend and sniffs her feet.]

[rejecter]

( she kneels down and offers her hand out. )

Are you lost, puppy?

[thesimpledog]

[The simple dog sniffs her hand then licks it obsessively.

New friend, yes!]

[rejecter]

( inoue laughs and pets the simple dog's head. )

So friendly!

[thesimpledog]

[The simple dog twists and turns, intent on licking the hand despite its movements. But she can't move fast enough. Fortunately she discovers that she can lick the arm that the hand is attached to.]

[the_silver_doe]

Do you want to play chase? [Lily picks up the ball and throws it.]

Now Lily, you'll make Sirius jealous

[thesimpledog]

[Ball!

The simple dog runs as fast as she can, which leads to her tripping over her own feet but off she runs again! At last, she reaches the ball and comes running back. Her tail is wagging furiously. She comes back to Lily but doesn't let go of the ball yet.]