Voicetesting: In which Travis questions my choice in muses

[jerkitout]

Yeah, that's right. Your choice in characters has been seriously pissing me off lately. What do I mean? What the fuck do you think I mean? First off, you pick up every assassin and their grandmother but me. Then after you finally get rid of them all and pick up me you have the balls to leave her around? Have you gone insane? Bad Girl is batshit fucking psychotic! ...no pun intended.

...anyway, like I was saying before; get rid of her! I have to sleep in here, asswipe! I don't want some crazy bitch coming at me with a bat while I'm trying to catch some Zs!

[...]

Wait...WHAT?! You mean to tell me through those lazy-ass ellipses that you're actually apping HER to a game, but not ME?! What kinda fucked up shit is this?  No, you know what? Bullshit. I am not standing for this level of bullshittery. There's gotta be a place I can report your ass to! You know, I call up a hotline, tell them my story, then they go and get me a new player because you suck?

...no? ...nothing at all?

...

...well they should. Seriously, fuck you.

Comments

[getdownfromthere]

Assassins? Where?!

[jerkitout]

[Is...is that a suit of armor?]

Everywhere, considering my luck.

[getdownfromthere]

[with a person inside, naturally]

They're on the roofs again, aren't they?

[overdosing]

You're no prize yourself, schweinhund. That's no way to talk about a lady.

Oh wow, voice actor bros

[jerkitout]

Okay. Maybe I wasn't clear enough the first time, old man. Let me say it in a way you can understand.

[Oh boy, this outta be good. He's even clearing his throat and everything.]

Zhis bitch ist quite crazy, ja? She vill bash mein head in vithout a second zhought!

That sound any better, Doc?

[jerkitout]

[That's kind of geeky, but in a cool way.]

Well, I have fought a couple of them on roofs. So yeah, probably.

[overdosing]

[wow R-U-D-E. you racist, boy?]

...You've never enunciated a day in your life, have you? Here, take it slowly, like this.

[ready to hear his horrible imitation of a Californian accent? you sure as shit better be.]

Oh fuck, I cannot believe that such a sweet, fair young woman would hate my stupid fucking guts! The nerve! Who is SHE to call me out for the waste of fucking space I am? Fuck, fuck, FUCK!

Was that good enough?

[jerkitout]

[No, just a huge prick.

While Medic goes on that little tangent, Travis actually sticks his finger in his ear to make it look like he's plucking the wax out. A few seconds later, he looks at the German with an obviously fake look of confusion.]

Oh, I'm sorry. Were you talking to me just now? My bad, dude. All I could hear was "I have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about, please ignore my ignorant ass". Needless to say I took your advice.

1/2

[overdosing]

[that little blip you hear might be the sound of his blood pressure spiking.]

2/2

[overdosing]

What? Was I not filthy enough? Should I have gone on a tangent about being a lazy, arrogant child?

Bitte, tell me. Unlike you, I only strive for accuracy.

sorry not sorry

[forgatmigej]

[This is just too good to resist.]

So I see you two have met.

[overdosing]

He's disgusting!

[jerkitout]

I think you need to reread the English dictionary, old man! Seems you're throwing around words with no idea about what they mean.

[jerkitout]

Lazy? I wouldn't call killing the top-ranked assassins in the country "lazy". I'd called that badass.

As for what you did wrong, you can't just throw "fuck" anywhere in a sentence, especially not multiple times, and expect it to work out. Swearing's a lot like an art form. A really messy art form that people get offended about.

[forgatmigej]

He is, I won't deny that.

You know, he was the person I was facing in my duel to the death.

[overdosing]

Well, "idiotic" was too nice and "perverse" would have been an understatement!

And besides, shouldn't you be off getting your skull caved in?

[overdosing]

That was HIM?

[oh god, he is so sorry, Holly.]

Your poor dignity...

[overdosing]

I would call that a Tuesday. You haven't been doing this for very long, have you?

Oh my goodness. How could I have lived this long in such darkness? Danke for showing me the light at long last, mein retter. To think there was an entire world of fine art I was missing out on all this time.

[jerkitout]

My player used to play your game all the fucking time, you know. I've seen you guys fight, not impressed.

And you're welcome. I'm always willing to help out the old and uncared for.

[jerkitout]

Oh fuck you.

And not if I have anything to say about it!

[getdownfromthere]

He is the height of Renaissance battlegear fashion]

[growls in frustration] why do some people find it so difficult to obey the law?

[overdosing]

Get in line.

It's because she hasn't found you yet, isn't it.

[overdosing]

Likewise. You and the rest of those "assassins" are all style and no substance. [a beat.] Maybe with the exception of that brother of yours.

And selfless, too! My, my. Quite the package deal.

[jerkitout]

Okay, I'm going to explain this to you in the simplest way I can, you ready? Yes? Good. No? Too bad.

Now, you're dissing us assassins. Bad Girl, the very bitch I was talking about, is an assassin. You said, basically, that it was wrong to talk shit about women. However, you just, technically, did it yourself. In addition, about half the assassins in my series are chicks.

So to wrap it up nicely, you made yourself look like a bigger douche than me. Now that is fucking impressive.

[jerkitout]

I said "Fuck you", not "I want to fuck you". Get a hearing aid.

Not even close.

[Maybe a little close.]