ya dun goof'd, dreamworks

[roadblasted]

This...

This is a joke, right?

Like, this is totally fake? Because there's NO freakin' possible way this could be--

... IT'S REAL?!

WHAAAAAAT?!?!

But-- wha... how the--!?
They... they can't do this! We can like, sue, right? Drag their butts ta'court and take ev'ry quarter they're worth for doin' this?!
... WHADYA MEAN "S'NOT TECHNIC'LY COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT"?!
I DON'T CARE IF S'NOT ILLEGAL, I'M TURBO!! ME!! THE GREATEST RACER EVER, NOT SOME LAME GROSS STUPID SNAIL!! AND I WILL NOT HAVE MY GOOD NAME BESMIRCHED BY A BUNCH'A SECOND-RATE COPYCAT MORONS!!

I SWEAR TO PONG I WILL KICK THIS JEFFREY KATZENBERG JERK IN THE FRICKIN' NADS IF HE DOESN'T CALL OFF THIS ABOMINATION RIGHT GOSHDANG NOW!! I'M GONNA PERSONALLY RUN OVER EV'RY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE SLIMY DISGUSTIN' SLOW LIL' SHELL MONSTERS WITH MY KART 'TIL THEY'RE ALL EXTINCT!!

AAAGGGGGHHHH!!!

{{OOC: Wreck-It Ralph spoilers may be in the comments!}}

Comments

[sweetestdisposition]

[Don't mind Donald. He's just going to be over here DYING LAUGHING.]

And I thought that ant movie was bad enough!

[roadblasted]

Those nimrods have been rippin' us off for years, but this time they CROSSED THE LINE! THIS'A THE LAST FRIGGIN' STRAW!!

[sweetestdisposition]

Just be glad you never had to meet him.

[roadblasted]

Meet him?

[sweetestdisposition]

Katzenberg. He ...used to work for us. Back before your time.

[Wow this conversation got awkward real quick.]

[roadblasted]

... Ya gotta be kiddin' me.

THEN WHY THE HE'S PICKIN' ON ME AS HIS STUPID REVENGE OR WHATEVER THE HECK THIS IS?! AM I JUST THE MOST AWESOME CHARACTER WE'VE EVER CREATED AND THAT'S WHY HE'S OUT TA'RUIN ME?!
... Okay I know I am but that's not the point! Shouldn't he be goin' after Wreck-It or someone? Is it just because I'm not as OBVIOUS?!
OH I'M SO FLIPPIN' SORRY THEY TOOK MY NAME OUTTA ALL THE TRAILERS AND I ONLY SHOW UP IN A FLASHBACK AND AT THE VERY END OF THE GOSHDANG MOVIE!!
HE'S STILL NOT GETTIN' AWAY WITH THIS!!

[sweetestdisposition]

Dunno about most awesome character, but he probably figures he can make lotsa money off of your name. He's worse than my uncle sometimes...

[roadblasted]

Duck please, lions and mermaids don't have NOTHIN' on me.

[Scoff.]

He SOUNDS like a greedmeister. So whatta I gotta do ta'burst his shiny gold bubble? Aside from kickin' him in the nads. Though I'm still doin' that anyway.

[weddingcrasher]

[Nena breaks into a gigglefit. The little gray-skinned egomaniac completely losing it over a SNAIL....priceless!]

[roadblasted]

IT'S NOT FUNNY! IT'S A SMEAR CAMPAIGN, I TELL YA!! AN OFFENSE TA'MY TURBO-TASTIC IMAGE!!

[megamind]

You should hear the fandom over in my next of the woods. "We get a NASCAR Snail instead of a Megamind sequel? Oh the humanity!"

Trust me. It's quite the indignity.

[roadblasted]

Inn'it that somethin' for irony. These hacks pump out sequels more than Nintendo and you're the only sorry sucker who actually WANTS one, and s'not gettin' it! Hahaha! Maaaan, sucks for you, dude!

[megamind]

Ah, yes, and to what ghetto does Disney's sequels go? Oh yeah, those three magic words: Straight To DVD. Though you boys are doing better now that the Lamp's overtaken the Mouse. I was a huge fan of the last bit of work. You really were quite the subtle villain. Very good!

As for my lack of a second film, I kinda think I'm dodging a bullet, all things considered.

[roadblasted]

Hey! John and the boys made them cut that bullroar out like'a tumor years ago. After Eisner got the boot, wa'nnit? Eh, still learnin' all the deets, but I'll get'ta know 'em, considerin' I'm totally an OFFICIAL Disney Villain~
Gonna have SO much merch soon, just ya wait. Already got a t-shirt last week!

HECK YEAH, wasn't I so freakin' RADICAL? Ev'ryone was like "YA GOIN' TURBO!" and "HE'S GONE TURBO!" then there's my handsome mug, bein' all TURBO-TASTIC and maniacal and shizz in that flashback, so ev'ryone's like "man that guy's totally dead" but then at the end THERE I AM and ev'rybody's like "OH SNAP, HE TOOK OVER SUGAR RUSH! NEVER SAW THAT COMIN'"! Like a BOSS! ... Or like a King, whatever.
But thanks man!

Yeah, prolly dodgin' one, less ya got a bodacious red-and-white mastermind revvin' up some serious trouble. Like me or that badarse peacock guy!

[megamind]

I have to give the Panda props -- they really know how to build a legend off one of the lowest paids but funniest guys in Hollywood.

And yes, yes you were. Bravoo, bravoo. Seriously, it was a stroke of genius. You got sympathy from the hero, you got him to swallow that story hook line and sinker! It was great! I really approve, seriously.

Or I would have if I hadn't, you know, gone heroic. Now I just feel this urge to kick your speedy butt with admiration attached to my baby seal leather boots.

[roadblasted]

Yeah, kung fu's pretty wicked I guess, but I bet ya he can't race~

I know right? He TOTALLY fell for it! 'Cause it did somethin' like, I dunno, make TOTAL sense? Man, I am SUCH a genius! ... Or I guess my future self is? Once I grow up and reprogram myself or somethin'? Actually I got plucked outta '87 so normally I don't even know this stuff, but I got a KILLER view'a the Fourth Wall today so I thought I'd do a lil' wreckin' a'my own!

--?! AW C'MON, I'm technic'ly a hero too! In my own game! Ya touch any'a this masterpiece and you're payin' for the dry cleanin', buddy.

[megamind]

Yeah, but you left your game, sabotaged another game, and was willing to brain-wipe a whole population to keep racing.

Also, you pick on little girls. Seriously, that's low hanging fruit, man. I don't care if they have sugary go-carts, they're still little girls.

[roadblasted]

Uh, YEAH, but that just means I'm a hero AND a villain! Like Wreck-It! 'Cause'a "foil parallels" or me bein' his "shadow archetype" or some analytic crap like that my player loves yammerin' about.

Low-hangin' nothin', have ya MET those kids? More like Sugar BRATS! S'pecially that Taffy one, holy hotrods, hang a friggin' sign around your neck that reads "Primadonna" why don't ya?
And don't even get me started on the candy corn prankster, or the one's BRAINS I think melted 'long with that birthday candle...

[megamind]

Yeah, no. You went so far over the hero line that you were willing to endanger others, pal. You went so far into villainy it's not even funny. And then a bug ate you and you became super creepy. You haven't been a hero in a long time. A player avatar does not a hero make!

[roadblasted]

... I looked totally gnarly when that happened though...

[He pouts, bitterly muttering his words.]

Whatever, I wasn't their hero anyway...
They left me for stupid RoadBlasters...
Gamers wouldn't know a hero if one bit 'em in the caboose...

[moontoldme]

Can't say I understand why they'd make a movie about a snail, racing or otherwise. My mun just seems happy that they're still staying away from filling trailers with being names and fart jokes.

[roadblasted]

S'cause they're out'ta RUIN me, that's why! But joke's on them, pal, 'cause my movie came out FIRST! S'now ev'ryone'll be on'ta their lil' game! No one will be able ta'LOOK at a stupid snail without goin' "Dang, those lame-o's at DreamWorks TOTALLY ripped off that badarse new Disney character ev'rybody LOVES!"

[smokedumb]

I bet it doesn't even transform.

[roadblasted]

... Why would'a snail need'ta transform?

I'd like if it transformed inta somethin' less gross. And less SLOW!

[smokedumb]

Yeahhh, I was expecting a loop for someone to throw me for. But nope! Just Earth bugs.

Take it you're in the fast lane, Big T?

[roadblasted]

Jeez, someone's really gotta send YOU an update! 'Cause I'm not just IN the fast lane, mac - I OWN it!

[smokedumb]

...You?

HA! Sorry, tiny, but king of the road? You're lookin' at him.

[roadblasted]

Really? 'Cause your ugly metal face don't look like a MIRROR ta'me!

[smokedumb]

Pretty big talk for some guy who barely reaches...what...two feet?

[roadblasted]

What's that? Can't understand ya, I don't speak LAST PLACE!

[smokedumb]

Well you better get a dictionary, cause it's where you're gonna be for the next race!

[roadblasted]

... I'm gonna be at a dictionary?

[smokedumb]

...So you're short and unable to piece 'Last Place' as a place and a language. Yeah, I'm shakin' in my undercarriage.

Here ya go tiny.

[His hands chop down.]

I'm. King. of Speed.

[roadblasted]

In. Your. Electric Sheep DREAMS, fatso!

The REAL King inn'it some overgrown toaster! I'm the perfect size for ult'mate speed, and all the ladies know I'm one dang adorable wicked hot stud muffin~

In other words, I'm faster than you'll EVER be! And NOT. SHORT!

[smokedumb]

Fatso?!

Hard to keep that argument when you're a 'stud muffin'. Don't muffins make you fat?

Or...so I've heard.

Fine, tiny, you wanna test that out?!