Ralph Doesn't Like AU Ideas, but Maybe Going to Ink_City Isn't So Bad

[wreckofaguy]

Look, player, I've seen a lot of you gamers come and go over the years. This is the first time I've really talked to one before. It's against the rules, somebody could think the game is glitching and then we could get unplugged.

I'm making an exception because I don't like the path this new game is going down. As a gig, so far, this hasn't been a bad one. I mean, it's no Fix-It Felix Jr. and I haven't gotten to wreck anything, but over all, it's not the worst it could be.

I feel bad about putting that lady out of work, but, well, you chose me and it's nice to be appreciated.

I'm not feeling too appreciated lately, though. There's been a few fun things, and I did get some cake, but you seem to like directing me into some rather unpleasant situations.

If everything was cheery all the time, life'd be pretty boring, but one of the things you're considering is a permanent change and it's not one I'm liking the sound of. Sure it's awful to have stuff like that happen now and then, but at the end of the day, I get reset and everything's back to normal.

And I'm not talking about that City place, either. That doesn't sound too bad, at least I'd have Vanellope, Felix, and Calhoun to hang out with, it's been pretty lonely without them around.

I'm talking about that account idea, you know the one. Nothing good is going to come of it and if you go through with it, you might wake up one day and find that I've gone Turbo and found a new place to call home.

Is this what it's like for Felix all the time when the players control his movements? I can't say I'm envious of him.
 

Comments

[notaglitch]

Good! Though I doubt I could eeever lock you up big guy, no matter how much of a booger-face you are.

[wreckofaguy]

[He grins.] Isn't that favoritism, though? Don't want your citizens to think you're getting soft, now do you, President Monkeypants?

[notaglitch]

[She raises a brow at him, snickering.]

Oh so yer worried about favoritism now? ..I mean I CAAN lock ya up if it really means that much to ya- [She teases.]

[wreckofaguy]

[He waves his hands in front of him, teasing her right back.] No, no, your Presidential-ness, I don't think I could survive in jail, I'm too much of a free spirit, you know.

[notaglitch]

Haha! That's what I thought! Good thing me n' Felix were the ones put in jail then huh? You wouldn't have lasted two seconds.

[wreckofaguy]

I got real lucky there, I would have gone to pieces! [More like wrecked the place to pieces, instead.]

[notaglitch]

[Though she'd never admit it, actually being STUCK in a dungeon? ...It was pretty terrifying. Especially the way King Candy had her chained up.

Regardless, she snorts.]

I wouldn't have been surprised!

[wreckofaguy]

[The way Vanellope had been chained up made Ralph heartsick. She had been confined to a tiny spot and had been barely able to move, as if she was some sort of dangerous wild animal that would bite the hand that fed it. If Ralph could help it, she'd never be treated that way again.]

And then where would we be? You'd have had to come and rescue me!

[notaglitch]

[At the time, Vanellope had been all but terrified. The 'King' had already proven just how much of a whack-job he really was- and she hadn't been sure what he was going to do to her. Try to delete her from the game permanently, no doubt.]

Me rescue you? You kiddin'- are ya forgettin' already how I saved your butt from bein' blasted into pixels by that cola eruption?

[wreckofaguy]

[If Turbo had managed to remove Vanellope, Ralph wouldn't have shown him any mercy. He was protective of his friends, and Vanellope was his first real one.

He grins.] Hey, that just proves you're good at busting me out of bad situations! I'm sure a little jailbreak would be nothing to you.

[notaglitch]

Y'think so? [Wrecking things is a bit more YOUR speed Ralph, but she likes to think that she would be able to bust out of prison if she needed to. Then again- ...who's going to be locking up the President?]

[wreckofaguy]

[While wrecking your way out is the quickest, there are other ways to get out of jail. Vanellope's small size could come in handy in sneaking out.]

I know so! You're the smartest kid I know, you'd be able to come up with a plan in no time!

[notaglitch]

[That's a good point- if King Candy hadn't been so sure to lock her shackles so tight, she could have slipped out. That and if she hadn't been afraid of her glitch at the time, she could have just teleported out.]

Awww c'mon- now yer' just suckin' up to the President!

[wreckofaguy]

[Ralph crosses his arms and gives his best silly fake grumpy face.]

I would never! I don't lie to the President! Especially when they're my best friend!

[notaglitch]

[There we go, she's done- she BUSTS out laughing.]

Pfffffttt hahaa! R-r-really now?

[wreckofaguy]

Of course! What reason would I have to lie to you?

[He pauses as he remembers something.] ...The candy tree incident doesn't count.

[notaglitch]

Yeaaahh...

[She snorts, shaking her head a bit.]

I had a good feelin' you were fibbin' about that- 'specially after y'had to learn that double stripes break- th'HARD way.

[wreckofaguy]

[He shakes his head, grinning.] That's a lesson you had to teach me several times before it stuck.

Not one of my finer moments, I must admit.

[notaglitch]

Definitely not. But hey- we learned that stuff can be beaten into that thick skull of yers!

[wreckofaguy]

[Ralph chuckles.] It just takes a couple of whaps to get it to sink in!

[notaglitch]

Yep, jus' a couple. Then again, yer' head is probably tougher than a jaw-breaker..

[wreckofaguy]

I'm pretty sure it is, I don't think it'd crack as easily as jawbreakers do.

After all, I do get thrown off a building every day, I gotta be fairly sturdy!

[notaglitch]

[You know, she had been meaning to question him about that.]

By th' way....that doesn't hurt?

[wreckofaguy]

Eh, not really. The mud helps soften the fall and like I said, I'm pretty tough, so I can handle it. [Ralph could deal with quite a bit easily, he was programmed to dish out and take a lot of punishment.]

And I don't mind it as much as I used to, now that the Nicelanders like me.

[notaglitch]

Yeah- ...guess it's all jus' part of the game, instead of a personal thing, right?

[Though she never REALLY believed the Nicelanders could have hated Ralph for just doing his job. They couldn't help the way they were programmed.]