dear_mun | so new to this fandom it hurts

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canon: supernatural

so new to this fandom it hurts

What, were you expecting a happy ending for me? From this show? Really? Things didn't get any happier after the first season's finale and you're already on the seventh, so I don't know if you're holding on to hope just because you can, or you're just being masochistic at this point.

Look. You knew Dean was going to make that choice. It wouldn't be Supernatural if he didn't— And no, we're not talking about how I feel about that, I'm not even a real Winchester. That's not my thing.

My point is, if I even make it out of the cage, looking up the Winchesters is probably the last thing I'd wanna do up top. It's nothing personal, except for the part where it really kind of is. Deal with it.

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...Adam. You're.. you.

I don't know, were you expecting me to be different, Dean?

last time I saw ya, you were Michael. Well, actually you were a ghoul.. then Michael.

And then I was in the cage. Where you guys left me, by the way, thanks for that.

How's Sam?

...I can't get people out of there. I'm only human, dude.

Uh.. he's out of the cage.

[ Adam probably has one very big bullcrap-accusing face right now. ]

I know, Dean, the glaring loneliness back in the cage kind of told me that too. I meant how's he doing.

I think he's doing okay? Don't really talk to him much.

[ This is ridiculous. Your face is ridiculous, everything about this conversation is ridiculous. ]

And I thought Sam was full of crap. Really? You find a way to get him out of hell and then you don't talk about it? Do you even know where he is?

I didn't get him out of hell! I seriously didn't! I've been with Lisa for the last year!
Dude. ya gotta believe me. I had no part in Sam getting pulled from the pit. That was all Cas.

No. I talk to him, but don't know where he is.

Who's Lisa? [ But that's beside the point— ] And that angel friend of yours, he couldn't be assed to drag me back out too? No, wait, it's the Michael thing, wasn't it?

This is crazy. Talking to you is like talking to a wall with burn marks.

[ He doesn't really care, but it's the principle of the thing. ]

So you quit.

My girlfriend. And don't get me started on Cas. Seriously. He barely got Sam out as it was. Got Sam, but not his soul. He couldn't drag you both out.

I asked Death... if he could get both of you out... but he said I had to pick one.

[Sorry dude.. full blood comes first. And we all know Sam and Dean are too close for comfort.]

I did not quit! He's not easy to find!

I can't even pretend to be surprised about that. [ He has no illusions who you would pick, Dean. At least they're on the same page somewhat. ] I guess that's why he was still mostly there for a while, then, but I'm assuming you knew.

So if you didn't get him out, and you certainly didn't try to get me out - [ asking Death once? that barely counts right now ] - then what's this? Here, wherever this is.

I did try. I begged Death to get both of you out. Just to get Sam's soul back I had to play death for a day. Seriously. Dude. I tried.

I ... don't know. Dude. You're still family. Even if it's only half.

Well too bad, Dean, you had to be Death and carry all that power on you for like a day. Am I supposed to sympathize here? I was in Hell. Half family or a third family or however else you wanna measure that, I'm still having trouble understanding why you guys left me in the cage.

[ ...this is still not talking about feelings, either. seriously. ]

Do you know what it's like to have to kill a twelve year-old girl with a fucking heart condition? Leaving her father all alone in the world? NO! Being Death is NOT easy. So stop pretending like I didn't try. I've been to fucking hell, I know what it's like. So stop acting like a whiney brat. I tried to get you out I did, but he made me choose between you or Sam.

Honestly? I can't say I blame you for not wanting to look us up. It's probably a lot better for you in the long run.

[Mid season 6 Sam. Newly ensouled...and frankly, he'd probably be the first one to tell Dean he made the wrong choice.]

[ Adam would have liked you if he'd met Sam before the whole getting eaten mess. As it stands, unfortunately, what he has most for the Winchesters is a pretty heavy bag of literal no. ]

Probably. If I ever get out, but look at my chances, man.

So did you get all your pieces back together yet?

[Well, probably wouldn't have liked Sam right at that time. Sam was having a lot of issues around the time Adam got eaten, after all.]

Yeah, I know. I mean, games are one thing. But this...I wish I could have done the ending differently.

[And a part of him knows he couldn't have. Michael wouldn't have stopped, even with Lucifer back in the Cage. The only way to stop it all was to take Michael with him.]

[He does wish it hadn't been Adam caught in the middle, though.]

Umm...no. I know what's going to happen. Or, vaguely. There's another one in here that has it all back together. He's...doing okay. Not as crazy as I would have thought he'd be.

[ All the things that could've gone better if they just weren't who they were, huh? The only real consolation Adam's gotten out of this Apocalypse mess is the secure knowledge of his mom actually being in heaven. Not that that's too nice a thing, considering. Angels, man. They're such dicks. But if she's at peace, he'll make himself find peace somewhere. ]

I did wonder why you weren't all there all of a sudden. You know, back in the cage? Not that you remember any of it, apparently.

Seriously, though - not a thing?

I will. The wall surrounding the knowledge isn't that stable and my mun's looking forward to knocking it down.

According to her, it did get pretty bad, though. Seeing Lucifer everywhere and getting to the point where the memories and hallucinations wouldn't let me eat or sleep. Probably would have died if Cas hadn't taken all of that shit on himself.

Yeah, I think we've seen that part. It's driving me up the wall how this girl actually found that compelling. Compelling. Because that's such a concern when you're hallucinating about the freaking Devil.

But at least you're out, right? And you're doing pretty okay, considering.

Yeah. Compelling. I suppose that's one word for it.

Muns are really kind of fucked in the head.

[He snorts and shrugs.] As well as can be expected. Though the game I'm in seems to be real good at wanting to throw everything it can at us. Though at least we Winchesters aren't alone in the whole 'getting royally screwed' sweepstakes. We might actually be doing a little better than most.

((That would be

maisondeportes, if you might be interested. Horror jamjar setting with a really large Supernatural cast. Including Lucifer and Michael.))

...See what I mean about screwed up in the head?

If you guys are doing better than most, then this is kind of the worst sales pitch ever, Sam. No offense, but you've seen the stuff you guys deal with? It's nasty.

[ But hey, what's a glimpse of eternity in Hell, right? ]

So what's the place like?

Well, given the way it's working, you'd fall under that banner, too. Though...yeah. Can't disagree with that. It normally is nasty.

[It's really not much better where he is, either.]

Uh. Well. It's a house. Or, rather, it's about three houses so far. With lots of doors. And you never much know what's going to come out from behind those doors.

And there are the experiments. And the ghosts. And the creatures that come out at night...

We have a lot of people there from home. My mom's there. Dean, Cas. Couple of other angels. Ones that aren't assholes. [Well, Sam's still withholding judgement on Rachel, for the most part.] Uh...and Lucifer. But he's not going to be interested in you.

[ What.

Lucifer being around and not interested - Adam probably has a modicum of trust reserved for Sam and all, considering that wonderful ride of a time spent in Hell, but this just doesn't sound on. ]

Hang on for a minute and can you explain that? Lucifer? With you? Not interested? Are you kidding me or did you leave some part of your sanity behind, Sam.

This is Lucifer we're talking about. He's a persistent S.O.B., I'm sure you didn't forget.

Not what I said. I said he wasn't interested in YOU. He is still way, WAY too interested in me.

[Invading his fucking dreams again. Poking at the wall. All that.]

He apparently wants out just as much as the rest of us. Which, given that I haven't said yes to him back home yet when he's from, I know why he wants to get home so quick.

As for my sanity? Work in progress, man. Work in progress.

He doesn't care whose back-up I am, does he. [ Is it too much to hope, is what he's thinking. ] How long is that lack of interest stay that way until he figures out you did end up saying yes, though. I mean, Sam, we were in the cage.

I guess if he doesn't know, then you're fine, but what if someone else does?

—This is a mess.

I don't actually remember that right now. Though if my mun has her way, that part's not going to last. That part should go well. Really.

He doesn't want you, Adam. He's...got this idea that we're literally made for each other. As long as I'm here, he's not going to be interested in you. And if he does start looking like he's going to get interested in you, I'm sure I can get his attention back.

Without Michael here, though, he might be a bit more...willing to wait, at least.

You'd really do that.

[ Sam always seemed to be the type to self-flagellate over whatever awful thing happened that might have even a single ounce of his being at fault, and maybe that had been one reason for why Adam had trusted him just a slight bit more than Dean. Too bad it didn't help either of them in the end.

Really, though - under vastly different circumstances, Adam wouldn't have minded knowing the Winchesters, might have even thought of them as family. It's just unfortunate that they all met after Adam died the first time, but that might just be part of being John's kid. You never lucked out. ]

[This time it isn't just a little bit Sam's fault. Adam was in the Cage directly because of him. (Okay, yes, Lucifer and Michael had been the catalysts, but Sam had grabbed Adam as he fell.)]

[Sam's smile is wan, but real enough.] Yeah. Yeah, I'd really do that.

You were never supposed to be part of this, Adam. Dad did his best to make sure you were kept far away from it. Unfortunately, the Winchester luck seems to be genetic.

[More literally so in the House where Sam's stuck right now, but at one's at least running in their favor.]

You're in the cage?

....I can help with that.

[ She's got to make up for trying to annihilate all the other members of the family somehow, right? ]

Y— Sorry?

[ Help with the cage? That either means more demons - no - or more angels. No. ]

Why. I'm guessing you know I was talking about Hell here, right?

Good call, kiddo. Better stay as far from those Winchesters as you can get. But I'm sure you know all about their problems, don't you?

[Eating some chocolate. Hello Adam. Have a Gabriel. He's not on a leash.]

[ Well, aren't you suspicious. ]

Just the gist of it, yeah. You're a friend of theirs?

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so new to this fandom it hurts

WELCOME TO THE FANDOM!

thank you!

it's an emotional ride.

and i used to laugh about the tears until i watched the show, too.

Yeaaaah. Welcome to our world.

please say this gets better somehow :(

Umm... Sam feels throughout S7, Cas as well. And S8..well...

that... sounds painful.

yuuuup

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wow this is so late