musing on recent(ish) drop & missing.

[couldbeavoided]

I hope you know what you want is impossible.

I don't deserve any of their forgiveness, and I don't think I've earned the right to another chance, either. I made a lot of promises. They trusted me and I lied when I said I was better. You shouldn't--

...

I don't even know how many people that I... that he... I let them all down.

What kind of hero can't win against his own villain?

Comments

[asongwithin]

[After a moment, quite and blunt.] I destroyed a planet.

[It's not completely true. But it was part of her, and it was what she could have done, and it will always, always haunt her.]

Nothing - you don't really make up for that.

What you can do is...is make sure that they didn't die for nothing. Make sure that it matters that you came back from that.

[A slight shrug.] I don't think it matters if we're heroes or not.

[couldbeavoided]

I'm sure I'd do something like that, one day. I mean... [ Sighs, so complicate. ] He would. I know what's supposed to happen to me, eventually. I thought that I could change my future.

[ nope.jpg, canon point torments. ]

In the end everyone else was right not to trust me.

[asongwithin]

I've had a lot of people tell me what's supposed to happen. That doesn't mean it does.

[Just for a moment, her hair lifts, and her eyes turn gold.]

We don't just accept our fate. We take control. Sometimes that means accepting part of ourselves we never wanted.

[couldbeavoided]

I--

[ His don't; he inclines his head, hiding his eyes slightly behind his bangs. ]

How do you accept something that wants to tear everything you care apart? He won't ever stop, he's... told me so. I don't know what to do.

[asongwithin]

[Gently, but firmly.] He can't do that if he's just another part of you. If you're calling the shots.

[After a moment, as she studies him...]

Is it okay if I look inside your head?

[couldbeavoided]

He's not just -- that's the problem. You see? He knows that, he knows everything about...

[ He doesn't know how to explain it. He can't fully tell the difference between his own limitations and his denial anymore. He's hesitant, still: ]

Why would you want to do that?

[asongwithin]

Well, if I can more fully understand what he is, how he works, maybe I can figure out how to help.

[couldbeavoided]

[ Guiltily: ] Emma Frost has tried before. And Dr. Strange. [ And the Hulk but who's going to take that seriously. ] I don't want to hurt you.

I have to do it alone.

[asongwithin]

[Jean can't help but laugh softly at that. It's not that she can't be hurt, it's just - well, she's already died.]

What were they trying to do, exactly?

[couldbeavoided]

[ He hesitates again. ]

Understand. Fix the problem.

Respectively.

whoops wrong jean

[asongwithin]

Fix it how?

all the jeans

[couldbeavoided]

[ He huffs. ]

Dr. Strange helped create a fake reality for me to live in, inside my own head.

I didn't like it.

bob in a hug pile of jeans

[asongwithin]

[She blinks.]

Well, that's a little extreme. And he had to - that kind of thing doesn't last.

best of all possible universes

[couldbeavoided]

No, it doesn't. It was easy to see through after a little while.

No one's really figured out what to do with me, but I can't really blame them.

[asongwithin]

What they should be doing is helping you reconcile your own psyche.

Have you talked to Charles? Professor Xavier?

[couldbeavoided]

... No.

I don't really have a whole lot of contact with the X-Men these days.