Hahahaha forever homeless

[fedoraquin]

A frightening man stands in a muse community. It just so happens that today, on this fine winter's day, is this frightening man's entry into musehood. Though it was months ago he was chosen to be a muse, it is only today that he will be given his own account.

You're not quite sure what your entry into musehood entails, but that isn't really your concern right now. Your main concern is finding your SON, whose celebrating his BIRTHDAY. As with any young man or woman who turns thirteen, it is also his EPOCH OF TRANSMUTATION. It's a really important part of life, though your son has been giving you much grief over the process. Really, once you get over the fact that you undergo a gruesome and painful transformation, it's actually not that bad. You don't know why your son is making a big deal about it.

Well, your new MUNDANE isn't planning on doing very much with you right now, so you have time to prepare some CAKES to entice your son to come out of hiding. You have already baked several for the occasion, but you can never go wrong with too many cakes.

You hope that nothing UNPRECIDENTED happens to interrupt this important ritual. As gentlemanly as you may pride yourself on being, you would much rather not have any RUFFIANS bother you or your son today or else you will have to DEAL WITH THEM.

Comments

[tinfoil_angel]

[Hey he remembers seeing you in a comic his mun read.]

Doesn't it seem like what your son wants regarding his body should matter more?

I mean after all this isn't just a change of body it is a change of personality.

[fedoraquin]

Well, this is an interesting individual. You make note of his stylish choice of hat. Hmm, a fedora would be pretty nice, if you weren't already sporting a sophisticated hat such as yours.

You calmly explain to the man how this is an important process that everyone goes through. Nothing important really changes, after all. Everyone accepts it. It's sort of like a coming-of-age ritual, if such rituals involved gristly dismemberment.

[tinfoil_angel]

Can you say with all honesty your personality didn't change at all?

If he wants to stay an unaltered human you should let him.

[fedoraquin]

You consider his words for a moment. Of course a few things have changed, but really, it is much less horrible than it seems. Everyone changes, after all.

Your son is just very stubborn. You're just trying to do what is best. Look, you even made all these cakes for him.

oh man this'll end well

[fireflyheir]

[okay so

he's seen a bunch of weird stuff since this whole Sburb thing started but he's pretty sure this might top them all

seriously, what happened to Dad's face? And what's up with his clothing?]

... dad?

Indeed! Also, this is Karkat-mun here :B fancy seeing you here xD

[fedoraquin]

Oh! Look at that, it's your SON! You were starting to wonder where he had disappeared to.

You wonder where he's been hiding all this time. Didn't he know it was almost time for his TRANSMUTATION?

oh hey! funny how things work! o/\o

[fireflyheir]

[his… room? That's the first place he'd think of, anyway.]

transmutation? dad, what are you talking about?

yeah, hehe XD I wanted a Heinoustuck muse, it was either him or Dave

[fedoraquin]

Well, no matter. What's important is that your son is now here, and you can celebrate his birthday properly now. Really, your son has been very stubborn as of late, and putting off his transmutation for too long now.

Your son seems to be playing games with you now. You enjoy a bit of TOMFOOLERY every now and then, but this is an important matter. It might hurt at first, but you explain that the operation won't be too bad. There will be time for games after his transmutation. You try to usher your son along with you.

ah, both great choices!

[fireflyheir]

wait, wait, operation? dad, what's going on?

[nope nope not just going to go along with this it sounds bad so John is digging his heels in and not moving]

Indeed :3 I figured Dad would be funnier, though I might actually make an account for Dave

[fedoraquin]

Really, you're starting to get annoyed with your son's stubbornness. He takes after his NANNA, that's for sure.

You start tugging him along. You've already explained this to him already, the transformation everyone goes through. Your little friends already went through this, didn't they?

prrt!

[fireflyheir]

[he's still digging his heels in, though it gets a bit shaky after Dad says it already happened to the others]

what? no, they didn't mention anything about it. they looked normal enough the last time i saw them…

[slowly getting the feeling that something is up]

By 'might actually', I mean 'actually made the damn thing'

[fedoraquin]

Oh son, you were always a stubborn one. He doesn't like resorting to this, but you've left him no choice.

You brandish your CAKE KNIFE, and prepare to Strife.

\o/! it cool if I bug him sometime? :D?

[fireflyheir]

[what about stopping it? Why is it a thing that has to happen?

John's slower to take out his hammer, since as much as it seems like this Dad is from a really crazy universe, he's still Dad. He's ready to strife, though, he just doesn't want Dad to suffer any permanent damage.]

Absolutely! His username is heinouscrow

[fedoraquin]

You almost chuckle at the notion. Stopping the transmutation? Outrageous.

You throw the CAKE KNIFE, with enough force to make it embed itself into the wall if it misses.

cool beans! :D

[fireflyheir]

[but why?

John yelps and pulls away in time to avoid anything worse than a scratch, but holy shit that's not good. He's holding back a little less when he comes at Dad now, but he's still not putting all of his strength into this swing of the hammer.]

:3

[fedoraquin]

Your son is as resistent as ever, and you manage to block his swing with a parry. You wager that he might have grown stronger. You marvel at his newfound strength. You are so proud of your son.

But seriously, he needs to stop swinging that hammer. You can only parry so many times, and you're getting old.

*prrrrrr*

[fireflyheir]

[…is this really the time. Really.

Also he's not stopping.]

*pet pet*

[fedoraquin]

Really.

Okay, that's quite enough of that. You take aim at John and throw a punch his way.

*increased purring*

[fireflyheir]

[adkfj okay it doesn't do that much damage, but it does throw John off enough that he slows down, trying to re-evaluate the situation.]

*scratches behind the ears*

[fedoraquin]

You decide to try and reason with your son once more. It isn't too bad, son. It only takes four days and then we can have some cake together. Wouldn't you like that? Some nice, sugary food?

*melting purring mess*

[fireflyheir]

[backing away- oh right there's a wall there, shit.]

four days? that's… that's kind of a long time!
uh. i could totally have some now if i wanted. (and if you let me.)
which i don't.
so i'm not sure how appealing that is

x3 heeee~

[fedoraquin]

But you've made all this cake just for him to celebrate this milestone!

:33

[fireflyheir]

uh.
i appreciate the thought, really!
but i don't really want any cake.
and isn't it going to start getting stale after a few days?

-scritch scritch-

[fedoraquin]

This is baffling. Your son doesn't want any cake? You thought he loves all this sugary food you make! He usually gobbles it all up in a snap.

*continued purring*

[fireflyheir]

maybe in small doses, but…
really?

[this is the weirdest universe.]

[fedoraquin]

Really, son.

Hmm... Perhaps you should come back in a little while, wait for John to be a little bit more cooperative. You're not completely riled up just yet, and you still have a few cakes left to bake. You'll give him until they're ready to change his mind.

[fireflyheir]

[The weirdest.

yeeeeeeah he's pretty sure that's not going to happen though so he's going to book it while he can. Curiosity about whatever's going on is not winning out here.]