very tentative voice testing....

[schrodingers]

whoa ok
you really need to calm those choice mosquito bites of yours and put a lid on all those feelings youve got going on there
seriously youre just letting them pour out with no regard to your cool factor or the general comfort of all awkward middle aged dudes that sit next to emotional girls on subways
that shits just spewing out like the fucking toothpaste you forgot to put the cap back on this morning in your narcoleptic stupor
all stumbling half asleep out of your bathroom with your shabby ass clothes haphazardly draped over your person
blissfully unaware of the minty devastation youve unknowingly wrought upon the flawless porcelain of that majestic counter
(or maybe its bubblegum
i dont know i dont keep track of your taste in hygiene products)
just leaving it slathered everywhere to crust overnight and become that nasty part of the sink that no one wants to clean
and you find it some months down the line and wonder
wow
what asshole left this nasty mint crust everywhere
and then you remember that no one else in your shared household uses that special toothpaste for sensitive teeth
and it slowly begins to dawn on you that youre the nasty mint crust asshole
youve inconvenienced everyone with that toothpaste and now you have to suffer the consequences
which are a persistently dirty sink and stifling passive aggressive judgment from your housemates and any visiting guests that use that bathroom

really though can you at least pick a fucking canon point first
were probably not in it for the long haul since youve got the attention span of a mentally deficient goldfish
but at least it might protect the delicate fibers of your polka dotted skinny jeans from wearing out while you fly by the seat of your pants

Comments

[thorny]

You seem a bit overly invested in your mundane's dental hygiene, Strider. I do hope that this isn't a nasty oral fixation rearing its many-toothed head at an inconvenient time.

my body is not prepared for this

[schrodingers]

alright now lets get a nice warm welcome from our studio audience for doctor lalonde as she showcases her phds in being a flighty broad and giving horseshit diagnoses
ooh and ahh as she analyzes your every misplaced syllable
be impressed and amazed as she interprets that dream you had about only being in your underwear
and have an existential crisis when she ultimately traces it all back to your questionable sexuality

sometimes a toothbrush really is just a toothbrush lalonde

good thing there's nothing to prepare for then

[thorny]

And sometimes it's a sign of a maladjusted childhood leading to horrible practices where the mouth is concerned. As your dearest and most caring sister I can't sit idly by while the question of whether or not you're fit to be presented to society without a constant chaperone is up in the air.

i always need to prepare for striderlondes

[schrodingers]

hey dont insult my upbringing
my childhood was fucking choice
full of everything a kid could have ever wanted out of life
i mean shit with all the puppets around it was like i was staying in a timeshare built on every kids coveted real estate off the corner of sesame street and muppet lane
waving a bright good morning to elmo and the cookie monster every day and wondering what the deal is with bert and ernie
and seeing miss piggy go to kermits place every night and thinking they must be having some hells of rad slumber parties over there for her to visit all the time
just living in perfect sunny ignorance of all the urban corruption going down around you
until you grow up and the kids you babysit start talking about how awesome it must have been to live there
then it all just hits you like a pile of shitty swords out of the fridge
oh shit
bert and ernie were gay
the cookie monster was a drug addict
miss piggy was a whore
and who the fuck knows whats wrong with elmo but man he must have been fucked up too

it's a snarksplosion man

[thorny]

I see that your brother neglected to discuss Mr. Hooper's death in any detail when it originally occurred. Do you feel that the willful warping of your innocent childhood experiences has made it difficult for you to relate to and trust others later in life? The shattering of illusions is a heartbreaking enough experience without knowing it was done simply to see the crestfallen expression on your face.

[puppy_lancer]

The fuck.

[schrodingers]

so what part are you confused about
does whatever planet you come from lack toothpaste crust or something

[puppy_lancer]

No, it was just that rant in general. What were you trying to say?

[schrodingers]

im trying to say that my mundane is a high-strung wreck of neurosis and perfectionism that isnt careful enough with her toothpaste
slow down next time youre going by the point or you might miss it again

[puppy_lancer]

Or you could try not to use such huge extended metaphors.

[reddeadvirtuoso]

hey
hey
are you discriminating against narcoleptics?
cuz thats what its sounding like to me
along with your horrible mint racial bias
you need to check your fucking privilege before you offend someone

[schrodingers]

oh shit
my bad i didnt know i was in the presence of the lands resident social justice warrior
i guess i shouldve taken note of the gallant steed you rode in on to attend to your white knight duties
i couldnt really see it with the blinding gleam of douchebaggery reflecting off your suit of armor into my poor uneducated eyes

[reddeadvirtuoso]

behold my glorious steed and gaze in awe peasant >B)
only the utmost of social uprightness is allowed in these parts
dont make me go find that fucking whistle

[sagitterrible]

D --> I have been attempting to decipher your te%t for quite some time
D --> I had thought that careful observation of humans w001d provide me with a better understanding of your customs and social structures
D --> But
D --> This is simply
D --> Maddening
D --> If it was your intention to be frustratingly roundabout, then I suppose you have succeeded

[jikan_no_miko]

あら、面白いやつじゃない、あなたは。

[spaceydog]

you are rumbling again dave!! :P