Voice test- Handsome Jack from Borderlands 2

[handsomejack]

Hey, now you're making quick work with being a fucking bitch, you know that? Smiling at my untimely demise... laughing even. I'd be touched that you find me so worthy of your seething hatred, except for one incey wincey detail--

You. Want to be me.

That's right. And I don't blame you either. A rich as all hell, hateful bastard with power, and the strength of the entire Hyperion Corporation under his belt?

Yeah. Laugh it up, kiddo, because you want me to dominate, annihilate, and siphon the next world and it's resources as much as I do. After all that time playing a Vault Hunter and running with the resistance too.

Face it, pumpkin. I rule you.

Comments

/debates making an Axton journal

[summersword]

Mighty big dream you got there, bucko. Better be careful. Lots of worlds out there, and some of 'em have monsters with much, much sharper teeth.

[Now she grins toothily at Jack.] But what'm I sayin'? Tough guy like you probably has all the angles sorted out into nice neat little rows.

/would have Jack attempt to kill over and over

[handsomejack]

Oh... Oh no. Monsters? Sharp teeth?? [He begins to fake the fear] W-Wh... How would I- Oh my God. Ohmygod.

[He's done pretending and gets serious] I can tear down a swarm of velociraptors with bazookas strapped to their heads. Yeah. I got my rows lined up and a big ass cheerleader pyramid of killing machines. You got that completely right, sugar.

So, you have a name gorgeous?

/specs for Survival, fires up Gemini

[summersword]

[Eyebroooow raise. Then she snorts.]

"Gorgeous"? "Sugar"? Laying it on thick there, bucko. But if you must know, it's Ildi. And all the murderbots in the world don't mean squat unless you got the will to back it up. 'S why I got this.

["This" here meaning the rapier at her waist.]

[handsomejack]

[He laughs]

Well, Ildi, congrats. You're one of the few people still living that finds use of that stupid thing. But you know what, cupcake? At least I mix it up. Haven't heard 'bucko' since my 'ol grandad was still alive and kicking.

Call me Jack.

As for laying it on thick, I haven't checked for a ring yet, so there's that. If you really want to break my heart, though, you can go ahead and tell me what chump swept your pleasant rapier wielding ass away before I had a chance.

[summersword]

Hey, never argue with the classics. I find that cold steel works wonders if you need it to. [And oh, that is not a nice smile in the least. Too sharp, just the tiniest bit too thin.]

Jack, huh? Hmm. Well then. A pleasure, Jackie Boy.

[At that comment, she glances down at her left hand and wiggles her fingers.] Oh, there's no ring. The right boy just hasn't crawled out of the ether yet. [Har har.]

[handsomejack]

Maybe you're waiting at all the wrong places, Ildi.

So I think I need a little convincing. Cold steel versus... I don't know... let's say... a JET Loader. To be descriptive, a robot that can transform to a flying machine. How would you fair?

[summersword]

I'm sure he'll just come waltzing through the door one day like some kind of hotshot. [And that it won't be Jack. No offense, dude, but you are a major-class creeper.]

On the ground? Piss-poor. [At least she's being honest about it.] But give me a revolver, and I'm sure its wings could be clipped quite easily. You hit anything hard enough, it's liable to break.

[handsomejack]

Yeah, that's a fact.

You sound pretty damn confident, kiddo. You really think you're that badass?

[summersword]

[Kanyeshrug.] Wouldn't be standing here bragging if I wasn't. Give me a chance to prove it and I will. Workman's honor. -Not scout's honor, though, never was one.

[handsomejack]

Not that I don't believe you can walk the walk, but what makes you more skilled than any other sword wielding revolver toting jackass I had the pleasure of crushing into a billion insignificant little pieces?

[summersword]

Because unlike your run-of-the-mill jackass mercenary, Jack, I'm a soldier. Or was. The point stands. I spent ten years of my life on a battlefield that straight-up laughs at your rules of reality. I led. So don't insult me by asking that question ever again.

[And there's that thin little smile again.] We clear?

[handsomejack]

[He smiles right back]Oh ho ho. Check out the stones on Ildi. So damn precious that you think you could talk to me like that.

So, soldier. What do you do now?

[summersword]

I practice. Anything with a sharp edge and a hilt on it. Machetes, knives, whatever. It helps keep the old skills sharp- pun unintended.

Other than that? Patrols. Politics. Crashing bar brawls, if the mood strikes.

[handsomejack]

Oh that's funny. You actually thought I cared. Priceless.

But since we're making conversation- here's my commentary. Sounds like a huge waste to me. A soldier not at work is a soldier whose skills aren't sharp. Face it, you get thrown to battle now you're probably not going to be as good as what you were in the prime of things. Sure, ten years is a long time and someone can argue it's like riding a bike, but really chances are if you get thrown in a real fight in let's say a few seconds, you wont have the reaction time as someone who had the brunt of it recently.

[summersword]

[She pauses. Puts a hand on her chin. Thinks. ...Thinks some more. Then she looks Jack square in the eyes with a solemn expression on her face.]

Well, as much as I hate to admit it... when you're right, you're right. Practice and spars aren't the same thing as a knock-down drag-out fight. Maybe I have gotten rusty. [Pause.] Wait. What was that bit about "in a few seconds"?

[handsomejack]

Relax, sport. If I wanted you dead I'd have gone for it already.

Seeing as how you're not a part of the Crimson Raiders, a Vault Hunter, or anyone else on my current shit list... and since I haven't quite decided if you'd be of any use to me or not, no. I'm not going to pull a gun on you. After all, I could be your future husband. You're a little butch for me, but I've been known to turn things around for a lady or two.

[summersword]

...To be perfectly frank? And please. Don't take this the wrong way. But you? You just ain't my type, Jackie Boy. Some girls would be real impressed with all the attention and what-not. But I work better alone.

[handsomejack]

A-Aw. You hear that, Ildi? That's my heart shattering into tiny little- pfffftHAhaha! Sorry. Couldn't keep a straight face.

Yeah. No worries. You gun toting ladies have more uses than just being another set of combat boot wearin' legs I can wrap around my waist.

Gotta say though, if you ever need work, I can give you something a little worth while than throwing down at a knuckle dragging bar fight. If you're interested.

[summersword]

...

All right. You got my interest. Spill the details.

[handsomejack]

Ever hear of the Hyperion Corporation?

Could use strong hands, a competent order following brain, and "talent" like yours.

Prove to me you've got the skill and ruthlessness, and you got a pretty sweet paying gig.

[summersword]

Jack- [And she's even dropped the obnoxious nickname.] -sign me up. One provision, though. You allow me to commute to work, and hell, anybody who so much as looks at you funny is in for a brawl.

This is a little terrifying XD

[handsomejack]

Commute? You need a space craft or something?

It's just popping into my head. I'm so sorry. XD

[summersword]

Nah. I got transportation. Might take a while, though, the paths tend to move around when you're not lookin'. Unless you're offering a spaceship. Which just raises even more questions, like "why would a spaceship be necessary".

haa, it's terrifying in a beautiful way ;D

[handsomejack]

Uh. Cuz I'd need you where Hyperion is heading. Which could be about any planet with profitable resources.

How the hell do you get around?

Just wait until she finds out what an utter jerk he is. ;)

[summersword]

Huh. Always did love visiting new places.

[That earns a little smirk.] Trade secret. You understand, right?