Voice test- Handsome Jack from Borderlands 2

[handsomejack]

Hey, now you're making quick work with being a fucking bitch, you know that? Smiling at my untimely demise... laughing even. I'd be touched that you find me so worthy of your seething hatred, except for one incey wincey detail--

You. Want to be me.

That's right. And I don't blame you either. A rich as all hell, hateful bastard with power, and the strength of the entire Hyperion Corporation under his belt?

Yeah. Laugh it up, kiddo, because you want me to dominate, annihilate, and siphon the next world and it's resources as much as I do. After all that time playing a Vault Hunter and running with the resistance too.

Face it, pumpkin. I rule you.

Comments

[howillusive]

They'll deny it until they're blue in the face, but I think you've got the right of it.

Oh. My. God. I think I platonically love you.

[summersword]

[Don't mind Ildi. She's just going to stand over here making "blah blah blah" motions with her hand.]

What happens when ya run out of worlds?

[handsomejack]

Heh, no doubt. It's hilarious. These underdogs think they can run the show, but even after I die and I'm rotting under the soil of a juiced up alien planet... I'm still very much alive.

You know. In the kick ass zombie kind of way. With the metaphorical devouring of their brains.

/feeling the warm fuzzies

[handsomejack]

What? You mean after I've had my way with every last one?

...Shit, I don't know. I'd be the goddamn ruler of the universe then, so I guess I could do whatever the hell I want.

That's the dream, after all.

[howillusive]

As long as you control the technology, you may as well use it to your advantage. [ a pause ] I hope that means you do have that kind of power.

/debates making an Axton journal

[summersword]

Mighty big dream you got there, bucko. Better be careful. Lots of worlds out there, and some of 'em have monsters with much, much sharper teeth.

[Now she grins toothily at Jack.] But what'm I sayin'? Tough guy like you probably has all the angles sorted out into nice neat little rows.

/would have Jack attempt to kill over and over

[handsomejack]

Oh... Oh no. Monsters? Sharp teeth?? [He begins to fake the fear] W-Wh... How would I- Oh my God. Ohmygod.

[He's done pretending and gets serious] I can tear down a swarm of velociraptors with bazookas strapped to their heads. Yeah. I got my rows lined up and a big ass cheerleader pyramid of killing machines. You got that completely right, sugar.

So, you have a name gorgeous?

[handsomejack]

You know what they say. Dying is awesome.

If I don't have the power you better believe I'll find a way to get it.

[howillusive]

From beyond the grave? Impressive. That takes some coordination.

/specs for Survival, fires up Gemini

[summersword]

[Eyebroooow raise. Then she snorts.]

"Gorgeous"? "Sugar"? Laying it on thick there, bucko. But if you must know, it's Ildi. And all the murderbots in the world don't mean squat unless you got the will to back it up. 'S why I got this.

["This" here meaning the rapier at her waist.]

[alltostopentities]

All I see is a fool who seeks to play god with forces that would eventually have overwhelmed him.

[handsomejack]

Like you wouldn't believe.

Yeah, probably most likely not even possible.

But hey. Never was one to lay down and accept defeat so easy. If I can manage having the Vault Hunters face to face again, I'll tear them limb from limb... kill everyone they've ever known or even grazed in passing. Behind me will be a trail of bodies that will lead to their slow, agonizing deaths.

[handsomejack]

[He laughs]

Well, Ildi, congrats. You're one of the few people still living that finds use of that stupid thing. But you know what, cupcake? At least I mix it up. Haven't heard 'bucko' since my 'ol grandad was still alive and kicking.

Call me Jack.

As for laying it on thick, I haven't checked for a ring yet, so there's that. If you really want to break my heart, though, you can go ahead and tell me what chump swept your pleasant rapier wielding ass away before I had a chance.

[howillusive]

If, if. That's a rather large if, isn't it? Not that I would discourage it. Sometimes a tough lesson is the best way to cut ties.

[handsomejack]

And all I hear is a lame excuse for a dip shit pretending he knows better.

You get overwhelmed if you can't handle it. As for God? I can kick that guy's candy ass six ways from Sunday.

[handsomejack]

Let's pretend I'm slow for a second. What lesson are you talking about?

[howillusive]

You wouldn't call making sure to eliminate them and everyone they love a lesson? At least to everyone else?

[summersword]

Hey, never argue with the classics. I find that cold steel works wonders if you need it to. [And oh, that is not a nice smile in the least. Too sharp, just the tiniest bit too thin.]

Jack, huh? Hmm. Well then. A pleasure, Jackie Boy.

[At that comment, she glances down at her left hand and wiggles her fingers.] Oh, there's no ring. The right boy just hasn't crawled out of the ether yet. [Har har.]

[handsomejack]

See, now, you're implying that there will be people left over to learn said lesson. I'm implying anyone involved wont survive to learn the moral of this glorious story.

[handsomejack]

Maybe you're waiting at all the wrong places, Ildi.

So I think I need a little convincing. Cold steel versus... I don't know... let's say... a JET Loader. To be descriptive, a robot that can transform to a flying machine. How would you fair?

[howillusive]

What about the people not involved?

I like it when these things accomplish multiple goals.

[summersword]

I'm sure he'll just come waltzing through the door one day like some kind of hotshot. [And that it won't be Jack. No offense, dude, but you are a major-class creeper.]

On the ground? Piss-poor. [At least she's being honest about it.] But give me a revolver, and I'm sure its wings could be clipped quite easily. You hit anything hard enough, it's liable to break.

oh my god Jack

[hiswifeaturret]

Even after getting your ass handed to you, you still have the energy to sound like a royal douche? That's some crazy-ass megalomania you've got.

[alltostopentities]

I have encountered multiple cosmic horrors on my travels throughout the multiverse.
Of all of them, only one has survived my attacks.
What I do, I do to ensure that such horrors never threaten the multiverse again

You struggled to control ONE creature. ONE that ultimately fell at the hands of at least one of your pawns.
And for nothing less than your own pathetic desire for power.

-*And don't get me started on the fact that that thing was called Warrior*-

(OOC: How do I do the crossed out text?)

[handsomejack]

Oh yeah, sure. It'll be an all around crowd pleaser, let me tell you.

Those not involved get a show, and the golden rule of not to fuck with me.